Sunday, December 7, 2008

SNL is coming back

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Monday, November 17, 2008

Back in the day...

"In the end something terrible is going to happen. We will look back on these days with the kind of nostalgia that people have when talking about nickel movies. We'll look back and go, 'Oh, remember the days when all we worried about was the president blowing his load on someone's dress?'"

Jon Stewart said those prophetic words way back when in 1998. This was before we were mired in two wars and in the worst economic crisis in decades. Remember that year? Let me take you back there; the 1998 Winter Olympics were held in Nagano entertaining literally tens of Americans, the FDA approved Viagra much to the chagrin of gold diggers everywhere, and the greatest threat that the American people have ever faced surfaced. A man cheated on his wife. Not just any man though, this man was the president. A president got a little "love by mouth" by a woman who was not his wife. How could the good American God let this happen?

If you don't remember this case, allow me to refresh your memory. See in 1992 we the American people elected this super ritzy Rhodes Scholar to the office of president and all hell broke loose. Sure he signed the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 which required large employers to allow employees to take unpaid leave for pregnancy or a serious medical condition, signed the Brady Bill which imposed a five-day waiting period on handgun purchases, or that his presidency oversaw one of the largest surpluses in American history. This man was a chronic adulterer and as we all know, people in power have never cheated ever in the history of the world.

Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky. Not women who saw their chance to capitalize off sleeping with a powerful man. No, they were helpless victims in the web of lies and deceit spun by the Hillbilly from Hope. And the man smoked marijuana, that’s the devil's grass. Yes sir, the country was certainly in trouble.

Yet at our darkest hour in rode a hero from Crawford. Never mind that he was arrested for a DUI while in the Air Force reserves. Never mind that there are numerous rumors of past cocaine use, and an overall unimpressive academic career. No...there was something different about this man. I mean what else can be said about a man who told terrorists to "bring it on?" This man is the epitome of an American bad ass and he has no apologies about it.

While we struggled as a nation to find out what the best way to deal with terrorism on our own soil, this visionary not only got us into a war in Afghanistan, but midway during that war he got us into another war with Iraq. And his basis? All lies! That story about weapons of mass destruction? That was a work of pure art. And all of you going on and on about lying to start a war, get over it. He did what was best for the American people. And now as we sit on the verge of losing the great American leader, we can only look forward to some egg head with fancy degrees from Harvard to lead this nation.

Sigh...I bet he won't even refer to all terrorists as Islamic. And he calls himself Presidential material.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Something Good...

In this day and age you hear so many stories about the youth of America being selfish, disrespectful, and basically a lost generation. But I heard about a story the other day that basically made me extremely proud to even be born in the same decdade as this person. Myron Rolle is a five star athlete, make no bones about it and that is not rare these days. But what is rare is that this young man is also a five star student. This would not be rare if it was at a school with a academic reputation such as a Stanford or Harvard. Myron Rolle goes to Florida State, not exactly the Oxford of the south. He came to Florida State as one of the top safeties in the nation and has not disappointed since he arrived on the campus of Tallahassee. But the real impressive accomplishment from this kid is that he is a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. He is a 3.75 pre-med student who will finish his undergraduate degree in just two-and-a-half years. He is a National Leadership Honor Society inductee. he is the recipient of a $4,000 research grant for his work studying human mesenchymal stem cells and the facilitator of a health and living program at a charter school run by the Seminole Tribe of Florida. Basically he is everything that a young man should be. He may not recieve the Rhodes scholarship, but he has already raised the bar for young people when it so desperately needded to be.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Amrmadilloes Suck

Growing up as a young idiot in the south I had to find fun whereever I could. For instance, me and my friends would go and ride bikes. Well one of these days I was dared by a friend of mine to ride down an extremely steep hill with a sharp turn at the base of the hill. Being the type of person I was I of course said yes. I remember it was a warm day as the wind blew across the small southern town. I looked down the hill and it immediately regretted my decision. But my pride gave me courage, I looked around at my friends and pushed off and shot down the hill. I controlled the bike with ease and thought I may be able to survive. It was at that moment I hit a rock in the middle of the road, I began to frantically wobble and bounce. I knew what was next. SPLAT! I got up and began to dust myself off. I look up and who should be standing in the road but an armadillo. I looked at it and it looked at me and began to wobble towards me. I thought to myself that was weird, but I just picked my bike up and began to walk away. I looked behind me and I was defintely getting followed by the armadillo. I began to speed up, the armadillo sped up, I began to run, it began to run. I threw my bike to the side and took off running. I looked behind me and the armadillo was running as well, and moving quickly might I add. that's right, I got chased by an armadillo.

fuck you Dillo.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Life Lessons I Supose

At work we spoke of some bad dates that we have had over our lifetimes. I thinks I won with this trifecta of ridiculously bad dates over the course of one week. These are the details of those dates.

Lady: Gabriella, 21
Suggested by: Latoya (my twin)

Now Gabriella works with my sister and let’s just say that she did not let me forget that. The plan was to go to the movies and then get dinner. Although we saw the movie A Scanner Darkly (good movie by the way), and although the movie is dark, she somehow found a way to talk all throughout the movie and bring interior designing and her dreams of being a singer. Afterwards she tells me, “I don’t think I could ever be with someone who wasn’t vegan, are you a vegan?” After saying I was not, she explained to me the horrors animals go through. I then made the joke that for every animal she didn’t eat, I would eat three. She didn’t find it funny. Date over.

Lady: Stacy, 19
Suggested by: Rena (oldest sister)

Dinner at Café Iberico, an hour and a half of telling me how horrible her ex boyfriend was, she asks me how many children I want. Strike one. The she tells me she wants to get married within the next year. Strike two and three. Check please.

Lady: Karen, 21
Suggested by: Mittie (middle sister)

So as I picked this girl up, I was the most attracted to this girl. That said as soon as she got into the car, the first words out of her mouth was “I got a man already, I just want to teach him a lesson”. So I ended up sitting in a sports bar and drinking red bull vodkas and talking basketball with the bartender while she texted her boyfriend all night. Then got an attitude when I spoke to a girl I went to high school with, classy.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A New Day...

Somewhere a King who took us to the mountaintop is smiling.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop.
And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land! And so I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man!Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!"
-Martin Luther King, Jr

Thursday, October 30, 2008

November 4th

This is going to be my last post of a political nature and it has nothing to do with who running for the highest office in the land. It is more focused on those of us who are burdened with the responsibility of choosing a leader in the midst of a highly uncertain time. The right to vote is one of immense responsibility, one that is not to be taken lightly. As Americans we must weigh the pros and cons of each candidate and choose whom you think would be the best candidate. You do not however mock or belittle someone else or make assumptions as to why they are voting for a candidate. Also, we can not, absolutely can not believe everything we see on television or read on the internet. Obama is not an Islamic terrorist, John McCain does not have an illegitimate black child in South Carolina, Sarah Palin did not hide her daughter's first pregnancy by saying it was her. All lies perpetrated by fanatics, not just from the right but from the left as well. I am voting for Obama, I have many friends voting for McCain, it doesn't make either one of us better people. We all come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, so natrually our outlook on things are going to differ. Is it right to hold up stuffed monkeys with Obama shirts? No. Is it right to hang Sarah Palin in effigy? No. These actions divide more than anything the candidates themselves could ever do. McCain is an experienced senator who can never be repaid for all he has given his country. Obama is a transcendent voice and his community service record should be commended not insulted. America, whoever wins, we must all get behind this leader and do what is best for the nation. Vote, but don't belittle and berate those who have a difference of opinion.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Top Three Point Guards

And now the moment you have all been waiting for, the top three point guards in the NBA.
3. Chauncey Billups, Detroit Pistons
I had a hard time coming up with a third point guard and I must say it was a toss up between Billups and Tony Parker and I gave the nod to billups because of how their teams performed without them during stretches where they were injured. The spurs were a better team without Parker than the Pistons were without Billups. He is one of the strongest point guards in the league and a constant match up problem. And the fact he is one of the most clutch free throw shooters around definitely helps his case.

2. Deron Williams, Utah Jazz
Williams is one of the most complete guards in the league and could very well be the second coming of Jason Kidd. People will always ask whether or not the Jazz made the right decision drafting Williams over Chris Paul but williams is the perfect fit for Jerry Sloan's offense and a cornerstone for any organization.
1. Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
Without question the best point guard in the league. He is as Scott Skiles would say "quicker than quick." Nobody has the vision and touch on his passes like Paul does. He single handedly has resurected the career of Tyson Chandler with his lob passes as they connected for almost 100 alley oops last season alone. Not to mention his lightning fast hands makes him a terror on the defensive end as well.

Top Three Shooting Guards

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the most chocolatey shooting in the league.

3. Dwayne Wade, Miami Heat
Last year he appeared to regress but that was mainly due to the fact he was injured. Now that he is healthy I expect to see a return to the Wade of '06. The kid who can get to the rim at will and when given a cushion is a very accurate jump shooter. Also Wade is one of the best finishers in the league.

2. Tracy McGrady, Houston Rockets

T-Mac is one of the best offensive guards in the NBA and it is a crime that he is constantly blamed for an underachieving Rockets squad that has yet to get out of the first round. He is a very good jump shooter and ask one of the many people he has dunked on over the course of his career and they will testify to his still impressive leaping ability. He defense leaves much to be desired but hey he's not the top 2 guard in the league.

1. Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers

Kobe is the best 2 guard in the league and there is no question about that. He is the best man to man defender at his position and maybe in the league, he is an offensive assassin who has no qualms about taking the big shot. He is one of the few players who can dominate agame simply by being on the court, his presence is that large.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Top Small Forwards

Continuing my countdown of the top players in the NBA. Today I give you the small forwards:
3. Paul Pierce, Boston Celtics
Pierce may call himself the best player in the world, the Chocolate Puma however does not. He has proven himself to be one of the most clutch players in the game and with his performance in the NBA playoffs he moved from a good player on a bad team to an elite player on a championship squad.

2. Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
I have been a fan of Melo since at the Espys a few years ago he thanked himself after winning an award. Melo is one of the most dangerous low post scorers in the league and his ever improving jumper is making him one of the most complete offensive players in the league. Granted his defense leaves much to be desired, but hey nobody is perfect.

1. LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Correction, if there is a perfect player his name is LeBron. He's built like a defensive lineman, runs like a track star, and there is no human comparison to his leaping ability. People call him the next Michael Jordan, a more realistic comparison would be Oscar Robertson. The only man to average a triple double for an entire season and if you told me LeBron would do it, I would believe it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

OJ...Damn It

There are certain people you want to believe, be it parents, friends or in my case OJ Simpson. You see my defense of OJ began when as a child I saw a woman not related to the Brown or Goldman family who OJ allegedly killed their family members Ron and Nicole. This woman was crying and screaming that he was "guilty as sin." One problem, she wasn't there. In fact she has never even been to the state of California. She was standing outside my elementary school in Mississippi. She and others like her had to be stopped. I had no problem if someone says "I think he is guilty," but to just assume guilt I had an issue with.

I came up with many theories to support my hypothesis that the Juice did not put the squeeze ob these two innocent people. But his latest actions just have me finished. In fact I wanna accuse OJ of crimes I KNOW he didn't commit. Did OJ kill JFK? You got it. Did he rape that girl in Colorado and blame Kobe? Pass the kool-aid. He rig the election in 2000? Oh sweet Jesus yes.

This dumb ass shows up to some hotel room with a bunch of thugs and tries to steal a bunch of memorabilia that he signed and SOLD and this moron brings guns. A man accused of murder show up and brings guns. So I am through. I now need someone else to defend religiously. I wonder what R. kelly is up to these days...

Top Three Power Forwards

Continuing my countdown of the best position players I present to you, my top three power forwards.

3. Elton Brand, Philadelphia 76ers
When healthy Brand is a consistent low post scoring threat who will give you 20 points and even grab 10 boards a game. His defense is solid and he has the attitude to win and should make the Sixers instant contenders in a very weak Eastern conference.

2. Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix Suns
Now that he has completely recovered from microfracture suregery he has the potential to be the most dominant power forward since Karl Malone. If he gets you in the paint, you have already lost the battle. If he shores up his defense next year he could be in the number on spot in the Puma rankings.

1. Kevin Garnett, Boston Celtics
The best defensive big man in the league arguably, but one thing that is not in doubt is he is the most intense. He, not Doc Rivers, was most responsible for the Celtics remarkable turnaround. He has one of the most complete games in all of the NBA. Defense, offense, the man has no glaring flaws.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Colin Powell= Model American

I have always had so much respect for Colin Powell, not just for his service to this country but because he is a man of such high character. Listen to what he said about his own party regarding the assertions that Barack Obama was a Muslim:

"Well, the correct answer is, he is not a Muslim, he's a Christian. He's always been a Christian, but the real right answer is, what if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer's no, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing that he or she could be president? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion, 'He's a Muslim and he might be associated terrorists.' This is not the way we should be doing it in America."
Now that is what I call a maverick.

Basketball Season...Yes!

Ahh yes, my favorite time of the year is upon us, basketball season. In honor of this I will now rank the top three players of each position. Starting with the man in the middle...the centers.

3. Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs
Yes, I realize that the Big Fundamental at times starts at power forward but anyone who watches the Spurs knows that Duncan is the center. With his exceptional defense, footwork, and ability to score in the paint, he has been one of the most succesful big men in the league in recent history. During his rookie season, Charles Barkley said, "I have seen the future, and he wears number 21." And the round mound of rebound doesn't just give out compliments all willy nilly.

2. Yao Ming, Houston Rockets
Yao is one of the most versatile centers in league history. Never before has a player been this tall and this talented. Not only can he block shots, but his down low game is phenomenal and he has range. Throw in the fact he is always in the 75-80% free throw range and it's definite that we'll never see a hack a Yao startegy.

1. Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
The undisputed champion of centers right now. And the scary thing is he is not even fully developed yet. Once he learns the nuances of playing over.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Kyle Orton= Pimp

To all those who mocked the Bears choice in quarterbacks, please allow me to point out some numbers to you. Kyle Orton has a quarterback rating of 91.4, which is higher than Eli Manning, Peyton Manning, and Carson Palmer just to name a few. That not impressive? Fine, he has more passing yards than Donovan Mcnabb, Aaron Rodgers, and one Brett Favre. Still not drinking the Orton kool-aid? How about this, he has more td passes than both Mannings, McNabb and Chad Pennington. So let's give props where it is due, Orton is a true quarterback and not just a game manager.


Ladies and gentleman I think the Heisman race has a new front runner, his name...Colt McCoy. This week Colt and the boys from Austin evicerated the Tigers from Mizzou with Colt putting up this ridiculous stat line:
29/32 for 337 yards and two touchdowns and rushed for two more. Kee-ya bitch. So congrats Colt, now that I have endorsed you I am sure you will fall from grace much like Knowshown Moreno and Chase Daniel.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Glenn Beck is a mega-douche.

CNN talking head Glenn Beck wrote an article today which is titled "Voting against Obama doesn't make you a racist," and this is true. If you have reasons to not vote for Obama then don't do it, that is your right as an American. But what Obama has gone through is racism. To ignore some of the more blatant and even some of the subtle forms of racism going on in this case is to stick your head in the sand and basically refuse to believe in this day and age that it can still happen. But that's something for another day, let's focus on Mr. Beck who has been a lightning rod of controversey. For instance, in 2005 when interviewing Keith Ellison, the first Muslim to be elected to the US Congress he said: "

"With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, 'Let's cut and run.' And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel, and I think a lot of Americans will feel that way."

So Mr. Beck is that racist? Or how about when you ran a fake ad as your picture of the day which reccomended that we turn the bodies of illegal immigrants into fuel. That's just knee slapping funny. How can I take this guy seriously? He was one of the idiots who believed there was hidden messages in American currency. Ri-goddamn-diculous. Basically here it is, voting against Obama is not racist...if you have a reason other than his middle name is Hussein or you think he is a Muslim. If you vote on the issues, don't worry about this. And if you are offended it appears I may have hit too close to home.

Also for further reading I would suggest this article by Roladn Martin

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Disrespectful Banter

During the course of my day I get asked alot of general questions, ranging from sports to politics. Now when asked these I generally have no problem answering these questions, but when politics is on the table without fail someone asks "are you voting for Barack Obama because he is black?" Now I can guarantee none of my white friends have been asked are they voting for someone due to the fact they are white. I find this question to be offensive, because it insinuates that I am unable to make a decision based on the facts. That I have to look at a guy's skin color to make a choice. If that was the case i would never vote because as we all know Obama is the first legit candidate of color. I take my voting very seriously and look into each candidate. I owe too much to those who came before me to ignore the issues. But ok, here are a few reasons. The McCain campaign lies too much for me. Example, in a new ad an excerpt of Obama speaking showed this: "says our troops in Afghanistan are "just air-raiding villages and killing civilians." In reality it was taken from a speech a year ago where he said: "We've got to get the job done there, and that requires us to have enough troops so that we're not just air-raiding villages and killing civilians, which is causing enormous problems there." Ok, want a another? You got it. How can I vote for a man who chooses a woman who doesn't even know who is leading our troops in Afghanistan. Really Gov. Palin? Gen. Mclellan said that? You sure it wasn't Gen. McKiernan. And I have many more reasons why I am not voting for John McCain so if you ask me if I am voting for the Senator from Illinois because he is black you might just get a bipartisan bitch slap from the old Chocolate Puma.

Monday, October 6, 2008


The number one movie in America was this? Really? We are in an economic crisis and a portion of our fellow Americans are spending money on a movie about talking dogs. Mind boggling.

Monday, September 29, 2008

The Children Are Our Future.

This is why me and my friends children and future children are probably better than yours.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Chocolate Heisman Standings

5. Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: 38-of-64 passing, 489 yards, 5 TDs; 34 rushes, 118 yards.
Not to say that Tebow's number's are not good, but he is in the five position due to the fact he is the defending Heisman winner. Florida is a much deeper team this year so the odds if him putting up the numbers he did last year are slim to none, but he is still a beast of the highest order.

4. Jeremy Maclin, WR/KR, Missouri: 26 receptions, 391 yards, 4 TDs; 8 rushes, 43 yards, 1 TD; 12 punt returns, 123 yards; 7 kickoff returns, 217 yards, 1 TD.
Simply put, he is the most elusive man in all of college football. If you get the ball in his hands in open space he is a threat to go the distance every time.

3. Javon Ringer, RB, Michigan State: 143 rushes, 699 yards, 11 TDs; 4 receptions, 37 yards; 9 kickoff returns, 200 yards.
While I believe that the Big Ten is overrated, on thing that is the workhorse playing in East Lansing. The extremely durable back leads the nation in over 30. Oh and did I mention he returns kicks as well? If he keeps this up he could bring a little of the luster back to the Big Ten that the SEC has beaten off of them in the past few years.

2. Knowshown Moreno, RB, Georgia: 69 rushes, 455 yards, 9 TDs; 7 receptions, 96 yards; 2 punt returns, 30 yards.
IT's hard for the Puma to put Knowshown on here because it would mean admitting my boy Young Swole was right. But he hit the nail on the head when he talked about this youngster being the most complete back in the nation after seeing his virtuoso performance in the desert last weekend.

And the leader of the pack in the innagural Puma Heisman standings is...
Chase Daniel, QB, Missouri: 101-of-133 passing, 1,412 yards, 12 TDs, 1 INT; 14 rushes, 74 yards.
The man is putting up Tecmo Bowl number this season and he plays in the highly competitive Big 12 which earns him extra points in my eyes. And although he played Buffalo last week he did complete 20 consecutive passes which is impressive no matter who you play.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Not to be insensitive or anything, but the word duh comes to mind when seeing this magazine cover.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Old People...

You know, I respect old people as much as the next guy, but sometimes the excuse of "they're old, they're set in their ways" gets annoying. I work with an old guy who says "I'm not voting for Barack Obama because he is a Muslim and a terrorist." So the Harvard educated man who has attended the same Christian church for over 20 years, worked as a community organizer, and has been elected state and U.S. senator did all of this as a ploy to work his way to the highest office in the land just to ruin the country if he got elected.

I find that to be funny as well. Now this wouldn't be a big deal to me if Obama wasn't running against an old man. John McCain who has said let's export cigarettes so we can kill Iranians, sang "bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran," to the tune of the Beach Boys Barbara Ann, and to you femisinists out there he was even caught on tape calling his wife Cindy a "cunt." He explained it by saying it was a joke. Well I would hate to hear what he says to here if he was pissed, also doesn't bode well for him trying to gain women voters, but that's another story. I guess we can let him off the hook, I mean he was a POW...and he's old.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


You know I have been relatively quiet since the announcement that Sarah "The Barracuda" Palin was named the republican vice presidential nominee. It just seems weird to me that now if you question her credentials you are deemed sexist. James Carville said her nomination seemed odd due to the experience that she had and he was called sexist by Michele Bachman saying it was "offensive to American women." Really, people still question Obama's experience but I guess it's okay since he's a man. Hell people still question whether or not he is Christian. But once again I guess it's okay if you're not a woman. So I won't mock her, I would hate to be labeled a sexist.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Top Ten Athletes of 2008...(to date)

10. Carlos Quentin, OF, Chicago White Sox:
When I saw the Sox traded for the oft injured outfielder I thought this was one of the dumbest moves of the off season. Well boy was I wrong. He has batted .292, driven in 100 runs, and leads the league home runs.

9. Kobe Bryant, G, LA Lakers:
All Kobe did was lead the Lakers to the NBA finals and win the NBA mvp. Sounds like a productive year.

8 and 7. Tom Brady and Randy Moss, New England Patriots:
I know they did most of their work in 2007, but it was so impressive that I have to throw them on this list. Brady threw 50 touchdown passes and Moss caught the majority of them (not really, just exaggerating to make a point.)

6. Brandon Webb, P, Arizona Diamondbacks:
No pitcher has piled up wins in a more silent fashion than Webb has this season. A bright spot on an otherwise dark season for the NL West.

5. Kevin Garnett, F, Boston Celtics:
The real reason that the Celtics won the title, he was the defensive force and changed the mindset of the entire Celtics organization, Bill Russell style.

4. Josh Hamilton, OF, Texas Rangers:
No one's emergence this year has been more satisfying to see than Hamilton's. Once almost lost to the grip of drugs, he has come back with a vengeance. After putting on a Ruthian display at the home run derby he has continued to power the high powered Texas Rangers offense.

3. Michael Phelps:
8 Gold medals. Nuff said.

2. Usain Bolt:
Bolt gets the nod because of the fashion in which he won. No sprinter has won in such dominating style...ever.

1. Tiger Woods:
Anyone who knows me knows of my admiration for Woods and that was before the US Open in which he won with a hairline fracture and a torn ACL. The only golfer who can be truly classified as an amazing athlete. Congrats Tiger, you will recieve your Puma Plaque in the mail soon.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Tiger Tiger Tiger Woods ya'll

I know this commercial is old, but it is well done and just resonates with me for a reason. Stay tuned, tomorrow I give you the top ten athletes of the 2008 sports year (to date.)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Oh yeah

In case anybody was curious about which political camp I firmly stand in:

Obama/Biden 2008 bitches.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Guess who's back...

Ladies an gentlemen, I have urgent news to report...The Chocolate Puma is back and is angrier and more sarcastic than ever.

The first topic, the shameful campaign tactics used by John McCain and his camp.

Really? So Barack Obama, the Harvard alum, community activist, and senator is on the same level as Paris Hilton who never graduated high school and Britney Spears who has made more news recently for not wearing underwear? Are you serious? Are you fucking kidding me? This whole campaign is just sickening. This is not the McCain of '08, the rogue senator who went across party lines to do what he thought was right. This version will do anything to gain the vote of conservative republicans. If elected I am afraid he will just be Geroge W. 2.0 (the older version). Well, I guess that's acceptable, as long as he doesn't have a funny sounding name.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


So I was reading the paper the other day and a guy called Barack Obama by his middle name which is Hussein, and called him a terrorist basically. Really? Because of his middle name? Oh boy I guess I have to jump upon my soapbox and rant on the topic again. Yes, his name is Hussein. Yes, he has been photographed in traditional Kenyan garb, but does this mean he is a terrorist? No. It means he comes from an International background and is proud of his heritage. To be ridiculed for it is the real terrorist act. I have many friends, alot will vote for Obama, some will not. But the reason they are not voting for him has nothing to do with his name, his beliefs just don't mesh with theirs, and that is fine. He is the candidate for me, but maybe not you and I respect that. What's the reason people make fun of McCain? Because he is old, and he is. People have called Obama a terrorist and questioned his patriotism which is sad. Read his story, his books and you will realize that he and his background are truly American, through and through.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

What in the holy hell?

When you see the man pictured above many words come to mind. Strong, brave, intelligent, eloquent. But one word you would not expect to see is terrorist. Well according to the United States, Mandela and other members of the ANC, the group who was wrongfully imprisoned during the time of apartheid were all on the US terror watch list. Wow. You would think that congress would have fixed this years ago, but we've been too busy trying to find out if baseball players balls are shrinking. Glad to see we have our priorities in order.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Underrated Beauties

I was talking with a few guys at work and they were talking about who were the most beautiful women in Hollywood. I heard the usual suspects, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, etc. This got me to wondering who were the most underrated beauties in Hollywood. I present to you the five that consistently came to mind.

5. Bridget Moynahan: Best known as Tom Brady's baby mama, this actress has starred in over 16 movies and is without a doubt just a stone cold fox. Yowza.

4. Amerie: This little songbird...mmm.

3. Jessica Lucas: If you don't watch CSI or have seen the movie Cloverfield you may not know who she is, so allow me to tell you a little about her...she's gorgeous.

2. Tina Fey: Although she was on the list of Maxim's unsexiest, I had to disagree, one has to find her intelligence timing and girl next door cuteness sexy.

And the most underrated beauthy in all of Hollywood according to the Chocolate One is....

Lauren London. Described by many as the next Halle Berry this young lady may be overshadowed by the idiots of the Hills on magazine covers but given her beauty and the fact that she actually has talent means there is no need to worry, she will get her shine and when she does watch out. You know I will.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

So Long

One of my favorite comedians of all time passed away recently. So in memory of this great and filthy man I give you the seven words you can't say on tv. Enjoy.
See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

Monday, June 23, 2008

Here we go again...

This is the football force and police magnet known as the Pacman, Adam Jones. He is well known for being arrested six times since being drafted by the Tennessee Titans. Since being suspended by the league for a year he has successfully avoided being arrested and has been relatively quiet.

This is Don Imus:

He's a racist phenomenon known for bashing women's basketball players from Rutgers and now this:

I really don't even know how to react to this...can someone explain to me why he still has a job?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Tiger Woods is super hero good.

This is Tiger Woods. Now he recently won the US Open. Now that is impressive in it's own right, but Tiger did this on basically one leg because he had surgery on his knee and was not fully healed yet. He even said he was at about 75-80%. This should have given the 80+ other golfers in this tournament a perfect chance to dethrone the king of golf right? Wrong. Tiger beat the majority of the golfers during the first four rounds and dispatched of Rocco Mediate on monday. So let me get this straight, on one leg and having not practiced regularly for over eight weeks and he is still the best golfer in the world? Now that is just sick. He is so good that he only plays in a little over a third of the tournaments held by the USGA and he still wins half the tourneys he enters. Ridiculous.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Tim Russert

Yesterday the world of political journalism lost one of it's most respected voices when host of NBC's "Meet The Press" suddenly died of a heart attack while at work. I think Tom Brokaw said it best:

He will be missed.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

My Five Favorite Sports Commercials of All-Time

5. Nike Soccer Freestyle:
This gave soccer a street feel and opened it up potentially to a new audience.

4. Chicks Dig The Long Ball:
Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux get a little jealous, great job making fun of the surge in home runs.

3. Basketball Freestyle:
With the explosion of the streetball culture nobody captured the style and sound like this gem.

2. MJ Failure:
The essence of Mike in this one.

1. MJ vs MJ
Of course the greatest Nike commercial has to have the man who revitalized the company. In this we see an elder Mike take on a younger version of himself.

Honorable Mention:
My Better is better:
Saul Williams plus some of the best young athletes in the world? You got it.

Kirk Cameron? Wha?

So Mike Seaver from Growing Pains has a new show on The Bible Network. Now I know you're wondering why I was watching this, well I saw Mike Seaver and had to stop. Anyway, he walks up to people and asks questions like have you ever lied, and then when the person says yes, he berates them with bible verses and calls them liars. He does this to like 4 people I saw and he just going nuts with people. I would really freak out if I was called a lying thief by an 80's teen hearthrob. Hey Mike Seaver, looks like someone is becoming a "Growing Pain" in the ass. Calm down.

Monday, June 9, 2008

What a day

Congrats on number 600...

And thanks for the memories Strahan.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Yes We Can

Now that is what I call a Presidential celebration.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

NBA Finals Preview (Chocolatey Edition)

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the Chocolate Puma's first annual preview of the NBA Finals.

Point guard: Rajon Rondo vs. Derek Fisher
In this battle we have the talented young point guard against the seasoned veteran point guard. Rondo is at his best when the Celts are pushing the ball, and Fisher is at his best when the Lakers are running their triangle offense. In this battle I think the youth and talent of Rondo is evenly matched with the experience and playoff knowledge of Fisher.
Edge: Even

Shooting Guard: Ray Allen vs. Kobe Bryant
While Ray Allen is one of the best shooters of his time, Kobe is possibly one of the most talented players of all time. No question Kobe wins this battle.
Edge: Lakers

Small Forward: Paul Pierce vs Lamar Odom
Lamar Odom is one of the most versatile players in the NBA. With his size and ability to handle the ball he can play four positions on the floor. That said there have been questions about his motivation. Paul Pierce is just flat out a beast. He shoots the ball, is dangerous driving to the hole and is one of the best rebounding small forwards in the game. With his ability to score, I give the edge to Pierce.
Edge: Celtics

Power Forward: Kevin Garnett vs Vladimir Radmonovic
I don't even need to analyze this one. Garnett is one of the best rebounding and defensive power forwards ever. Oh and he can score any way he want really. Gonna be a long day for whoever is guarding KG.
Edge: Celtics

Center: Kendrick Perkins vs. Pau Gasol
Perkins is a young, ferocious rebounder and plays with tenacity. Pau Gasol is a finesse center by trade but can bang when he wants to. He passes the ball very well which makes him extremely dangerous because when you play him to pass he can just as easily take the shot himself. Perkins is going to be a bit overmatched here.
Edge: Lakers

Bench: The Celtics bench is led by Sam Cassell, a playoff veteran and streaky scorer Eddie House. The real wild card is the two headed monster of Glen "Big Baby" Davis and Leon Powe. Both provide great sparks off the bench with their scoring and rebounding. The Lakers have the tenacious Rony Turiaf, not to mention the great passing Luke Walton, and Jordan Farmar. I gotta call a push on this one.
Edge: Even

Coaching: Doc Rivers vs. Phil Jackson
Really? Does this even need to be examined? Doc Rivers hit the lottery with the pick up of Garnett and Allen, two players smart enough where they really don't need coaches. Whereas as Jackson is one of the most accomplished coaches of all-time having coached and nurtire this current team to the top. One of his finest jobs to date. This one is no contest.
Edge: Lakers

Series: Lakers in 6.
MVP: Kobe Bryant

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Lay off Kobe

I got into an argument with a friend the other day about Kobe. Now if someone doesn't like a player for a reason, that's fine, but this person gave the most ridiculous reason I have ever heard. "Because he was accused of rape." Really? Kobe was acquitted of all charges after the young woman in question was found to be lying. Was Kobe wrong to cheat on his wife? Yes, that is not the question. But should he be called a rapist and be bombarded with details from the case he was cleared from four years after the case was settled? No. Here are the facts:
* She was seen at a party hours later bragging about the size of Bryant's penis and giving graphic detail.
*She asked for an autograph after they finished having sex.
* There was more than one sample of semen found in her underwear.

Do these sound like the actions of a rape victim? Kobe was wrong to cheat, but Katelyn Farber was wrong to accuse him of rape when it obviously did not happen. Where are her hecklers? But I guess she's gone through enough, I mean it's not like people are calling her a rapist.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


History has been made, congratulations Barack Obama.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Michael Jordan...The Greatest

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

We all know the story, a skinny and awkward 16 year old tries out for the varsity basketball team and is cut on the first day. He comes back the next year and not only does he make the team, but he is the leading scorer for the team his junior and senior seasons. In fact he not only led them in scoring, but he also led them to two state titles. He goes on to University of North Carolina and wins a NCAA national championship. After that he goes on to destroy the NBA scoring records and defies the laws of gravity on a nightly basis. But the most dramatic moment night of the illustrious career of number 23 came on June 14, 1998.

It was a warm night in Salt Lake City, Utah, where the Chicago Bulls are preparing to defeat the Utah Jazz for the second year in a row, and earn their third title in a row. The Jazz were indeed a strange bunch. They all seemed to have bad haircuts, wore shorts that were a little too far north of the knee, and their nickname made no sense seeing how you were more likely to see a polar bear ride a tricycle with a Hitler helmet on down State Street before you found a decent jazz club in the land of Mormons. But on the court, if anyone was going to end the Bulls dynasty, it would be this fundamentally sound squad from the land of polygamy.

The game began a little after 8:30 eastern time, 7:30 central time, and from the start you could tell it was going to come down to the wire. The Bulls came out of the gates quickly, with long armed defensive wizard and small forward Scottie Pippen had the hot hand in the first quarter. The Jazz answered right back with the back and forth passing of Jeff Hornaceck and John Stockton. Shandon Anderson’s solid play also energized the experienced Jazz squad.

The second quarter got underway pretty much the same way the game began, just insert number 23’s name where Pippen’s had been as the leading scorer. The Bulls built up a little lead, but unfortunately for me and the rest of Chicago, the Jazz came back again and this time they took the lead. Things were really looking down as the second quarter came to a close. It was going to take some good coaching or better yet another superhero like performance from the man whom Larry Bird called Jesus in sneakers after a younger version of 23 raped the Celtics defense for 69 points.

The third quarter came, and the back and forth struggle between the team that would be kings and my beloved Bulls. Ron Harper steeped his streaky play up, Dennis Rodman kept rebounding and playing tight defense deep into the fourth quarter. The Jazz began to attempt to pull away at the five minute mark of the fourth, and then number 23 had enough. He pulled up for a pair of three pointers and had a crucial block on Jazz forward Chris Morris. The game came down to 25 seconds and the ball was in the hands of future Hall of Famer John Stockton and he did what everyone knew he would…he passed it to their superhero number 32.

Future Hall of Fame forward Karl Malone caught the ball on the left block and posts up Dennis Rodman. All of a sudden a red streak slaps the ball and takes it away. The clock is at 15 seconds, and Michael Jeffrey Jordan, born in Brooklyn, but raised in Charlotte, North Carolina brings the ball up the court. Apparently the Jazz thought that Jordan had used up all his magic against them last year as they did not double team him as soon as crossed the half court line. The Utah Jazz small forward Byron Russell slid over in anticipation, hoping to stop Jordan from doing to the Jazz what he had done to the Knicks, Pacers, and Cavaliers. Jordan drives to his right, and Russell is with him every step of the way. All of a sudden…bam. Jordan stops on a dime and crosses over to his left and pulls up for a jumper. Silence as the ball gracefully floats through the air. It is too late for Russell to jump as Jordan has just put him in the same class as John Starks, Patrick Ewing, Craig Ehlo, and Reggie Miller. Grown men who have been reduced to tears and had their dreams taken away by his greatness.

Friday, May 30, 2008


Really America? The above image makes you think of a terrorist because of a scarf? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life. According to right wing blogger Michelle Malkin, "(the scarf) has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons.” She later goes on in her post to describe the kaffiyeh as "distinctive hate couture." What the kaffiyeh is a traditional headdress of Arab men made of square cloth. That's it and nothing else. To say one piece of clothing from the Muslim culture automatically means terrorism is to boil that culture down to nothing but violence, which it obviously is not. The sad part is the majority of Americans will think like Ms. Malkin and let fear force them into disrespecting a respectful region and religion where the majority are just like us.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Fair and balanced?

Now anyone who knows me, knows I am not a fan of Fox News, thus I am posting this to show why. Keith Olbermann one of my favorites out there destroys Billy O'Reilly. Enjoy.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

2008 Mock Draft (Chocolate Edition)

As a Chicago Bulls fan I refused to watch the NBA draft lottery for two reasons. One, we had less than a 2% chance of receiving the top pick, and secondly and most importantly it would remind me that my Bulls did not make the playoffs after such a good season last year. But after seeing that we received the top pick, the Bulls become a much more attractive destination for coaches and I think we can rebound from such a thoroughly disappointing season. Without further ado I present to you, the 2008 NBA Draft as I see it happening.

1. Chicago Bulls: Derrick Rose, PG, Memphis
The Bulls select the most NBA ready player in the draft. He is an immediate upgrade over Kirk Hinrich, and can help the Bulls reach their potential in a quicker fashion than the aforementioned Hinrich. While Beasley is tempting, Drew Gooden is more than serviceable at power forward.

2. Miami Heat: Michael Beasley, PF/SF, Kansas State
Miami will take whoever the Bulls don't take and be happy with it. Beasley has the talent to be a once in a lifetime player. He's a ferocious rebounder, an excellent scorer, and has the range to step out to the three point line. The only thing holding him back is Michael Beasley.

3. Minnesota Timberwolves: Brook Lopez, C, Stanford
The best true center in the draft, Lopez is able to hit the 15 foot jumper with consistency and is a very strong rebounder. Drafting him allows the T'wolves to slide Al Jefferson to power forward, his natural position and gives them a formidable front line for years to come.

4. Seattle Supersonics: Jerryd Bayless, PG, Arizona
The Sonics wanted Derrick Rose, but Bayless is the second best guard in the draft. Team him with Kevin Durant and Jeff Green and you have a backcourt that is amazing for years to come.

5. Memphis Grizzlies: Anthony Randolph, PF, LSU
While Randolph is a young and raw talent the Grizzlies have the time to allow him to play and become the player that he has the talent to be. His skill set is similar to that of Chris Bosh.

6. New York Knicks: Deandre Jordan, C, Texas A&M
Eddy Curry isn't impressing anyone in the Big Apple and Jordan has the talent to become the next Dwight Howard. A very good athlete with an explosive vertical and good timing which coulc develop into great timing leading him to be a great rebounder and shot blocker.

7. LA Clippers: OJ Mayo, SG, USC
Mayo, one of the most talked about guards in this class is probably the best scorer in the class and should have no problem hitting the NBA three. He makes sense for the Clippers seeing as they will probably lose Corey Maggette. If Shaun Livingston can return to form that could be an exciting backcourt.

8. Milwaukee Bucks, Eric Gordon, SG, Indiana
Explosive scoring guard who has the potential to be the next Mitch Richmond. Able to hit the three easily from NBA range and has an explosive vertical. Team that with his amazing body control and you have someone who can score easily in the paint.

9. Charlotte Bobcats, Darrell Arthur, PF, Kansas
No one's stock has risen more than Arthur since the Final Four. He is a mature post player who rebounds and plays defense well. Throw him in with a healthy Emeka Okkafor and Gerald Wallace and you have a pretty impressive defensive frontcourt.

10. New Jersey Nets, Danilo Gallinari, SF, Italy
The best player available at this point, could immediately provide a spark off the bench as the backup to Richard Jefferson and improve the team's three point shooting percentage as he is the most natural shooter in the draft.

11. Indiana Pacers, Russell Westbrook, SG/PG, UCLA
Westbrook isn't a true point guard which Indiana needs, but he can play behind Jamaal Tinsley for a year and learn the ropes. He is athletic enough to defend both guard positions and is explosive on the break.

12. Sacramento Kings, DJ Augustin, PG, Texas
Since trading away Mike Bibby the team has been lacking in point guard play. Kevin Martin has turned out to be a great scorer and team him with a dynamic distributor like Augustin and both will benefit. Arguably the highest basketball IQ in the draft.

13. Portland Trailblazers, Kevin Love, F/C, UCLA
The best passing big man in this draft, and the best passing big man that I have ever seen live teamed with Greg Oden, Brandon Roy, Martell Webster and the young Blazers and that is a nucleus not to be messed with. While he is not the most athletic big man, he has excellent range and one of the most intelligent players in the draft.

14. Golden State Warriors, Joe Alexander, SF, West Virginia
Alexander is one of the most tenacious players in the entire draft, just ask the Duke Blue Devils who got a heavy helping of Joe Alexander. Very athletic big man who can shoot the three but is not afraid to drive inside and draw contact. Also has a deceptively good low post game complete with a nice jump hook.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

It never ends...

Wow. Just wow. I thought we had turned a corner.

Everytime one of these idiots makes a statement like this they use the excuse of "I was just trying to be funny." Well I got a question, when are black people, and minorities in general gonna stop being the butt of America's jokes?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


This is the kind of things we throw at Barack Obama? We use racist imagery and sterotypes? Is this all you have out there? If you don't like Obama can I get a reason that does not mention his name or race. How about something on the issues? I don't know, just try. This is getting disgusting.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

A Real Rant.

I was reading a recent story on a young man who was just drafted by the Buffalo Bills. I figured I would not have anything in common with this young man. Not to say he was a bad guy or something, but he's a 6'6 300 pound football player and I'm 5'9 and 150 soaking wet. But as I read on, I found out that like me, this young man grew up without a father in his life. And just like me his father wasn't ill or had extenuating circumstances leading to his absence. No, they just weren't there. What makes this story interesting is that the father of Bell is NBA All Pro, Karl Malone. And the sad thing is that Bell is not the only out of wedlock for Malone that he didn't take care of. There were Cheryl and Daryl Ford who also grew up without Malone in their lives until they were essentially adults. I too know the pain of having an absentee father try to reappear. I did not know my father was even alive until 16, did not hear his voice until I was 21, and his face, well you get the drift. The point of this whole thing is that, people like me and Demetrius Bell, we have such strong personalties, that we thrive off the snub of a parent. It is what drives us to be the best men we can be. To Demetrius Bell, I wish you all the best. And to people like Karl Malone and my father....kiss my chocolatey ass.

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Great Chocolate Album Review

Ladies and gentleman, the I have have been been to the mountain top metaphorically speaking and I have heard the music that we should be listening to:

Yes indeed, the eighth studio album from the legendary Roots crew not only lived up to expectations, but blew them out of the water. From track one to the bonus tracks, ?uestlove, Black Thought and the rest of the mighty Roots crew gives fans of true hip hop what we have been yearning for since the release of Lupe Fiasco's The Cool.

Monday, April 28, 2008

A Few Questions

First question, is anybody really surprised that this lovely couple below me is getting divorced?

Second Question: Why is Dustin Diamond pissed about being called Screech all the time? If he wasn't on Saved by the Bell no one would know who he is. Get over it numb nuts.

Third question: How is this strung out drug fiend worth over 20 million dollars?