Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Chocolate Puma Awards for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence: College Basketball Edition!

This is one of the most wonderful times of the year for the Puma of Chocolate descent. The NBA is gearing up for its stretch run, I just completed my fantasy baseball draft (FYI I crushed it), the NFL draft is coming and of course the NCAA tournament is about to begin. That glorious moment when I dust off my analyst hat and say things like Damian Lillard is good but he’ll be a bust in the NBA or I get a real good feeling about the Thomas Robinson.
Boy I'm bright.
With all that said I present to you the Chocolate Puma Awards for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence: College Basketball Edition!

Coach of the Year: Greg Marshall, Wichita St. 
Miss me with all the talks of their soft schedule, they “shocked” the world (I am so sorry for that pun) with their Final Four run a season ago and have followed it up with a perfect run through this season. Given that larger programs appeared to be a little scared to add them to their non-conference schedule (Looking at you Kansas) I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Freshman of the Year: Jabari Parker, F, Duke

Jabari Parker is so good that he made me overcome my hatred of Duke just to watch him play and he singlehandedly was the reason my beloved Tarheels could not sweep the season series against Duke. The most polished and pro ready player in this highly regarded freshman class there really was no other choice for me. No disrespect to Wiggins, Randle, Gordon etc.

For No Reason at All: Dean Smith
I have been a fan of the North Carolina Tar Heels for as long as I have been able to obsess over the sport. The man who led the team for an obscene amount of time was the greatest (my opinion) coach not named John Wooden ever and that was Dean Smith. Recently I read an article about his battle with dementia and if you have a few moments and a few tissues handy I would high suggest giving this a read regardless of your collegiate allegiances.

Most Overblown Moment: Marcus Smart’s altercation with a fan
"I'll never have to answer for my actions!"
If you expect me to tell a young man that he has to accept verbal abuse from a grown man old enough to be his grandfather you came to the wrong person. You expect these guys to be treated like amateurs but they have to respond as if they are professionals? That dog won’t hunt. In the words of Chris Rock: “I’m not saying he should have did it, but I understand.”

Funniest Moment of the year: Jim Boeheim’s Freak Out

Just look at the video and tell me that’s not the funniest thing you have seen all day.

All Chocolate Puma Squad:

PG- Marcus Paige, UNC

G- Sean Kilpatrick, Cincinnati

SG- Russ Smith, Louisville

SF- Jabari Parker, Duke

F- Doug McDermott, Creighton

And now for the most important award of the night, I present to you the Most Valuable Player of the 2013-14 season and the person that will hole the Beyonce trophy for the next year.

Doug McDermott, F, Creighton:

Holy hell what a season by Doug…we really gotta give him a nickname, regardless of what you call him no player was more unstoppable this season that McDermott. The ability to score from the post, hit the three, and that step back fade away is damn near un-guardable. I could see this guy being an American Dirk Nowitzki or worst case scenario an elite sharpshooter like his Creighton brethren Kyle Korver.

There you have it folks. Another season in the books and soon to be another bracket I have to explain with the phrase "what had happened was." You all take it easy.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Unbelievable Blackness (Apparently)

You know I have been around for 30 years on earth and I have done a lot of things I never thought I would. I never thought my dream of playing in the NBA would go unfulfilled. I never thought Tatiana Ali from the Fresh Prince would not be my wife by this point (it’s cool, Kari is better). And today, March 13th, 2014 I am about to do something else I never thought would happen…I am about to defend the movie “Annie.”
Yes, Annie the film about a precocious orphan which is being re imagined starring Oscar nominated actress Quvenzhané Wallis. And guess what people are pissed the hell off about it. Why is that you ask? Well because Annie is supposed to be a little white girl with red hair. Sigh.

Here we go again. And little Ms. Wallis is not the only one who has to deal with this idiocy. Recently “fans” were in an uproar over Michael B. Jordan, the amazing actor being cast as the Human Torch in the latest version of the Fantastic Four. Yes because in the story featuring a man who can become a literal human torch the most illogical part is that it's a black guy in the role. You can play the hell out of roles like Wallace from The Wire, Oscar Grant in  Fruitvale Station or the complicated Vince Howard in Friday Night Lights but if you dare play the Human Torch then we riot!

I notice that this only happens when a black actor takes over a role that is historically played by a white actor. So for your viewing pleasure I have decided to flip the coin a bit.

Angelina Jolie as Marianne Pearl:
Like twins.
Why is this ridiculous? Well no reason other than Pearl was Dutch and Cuban not a white lady from Los Angeles. Where was that outrage?

John Wayne as Genghis Khan: 
Look it's the founding father of Mongolia!

Liz Taylor as Cleopatra: Yup.
Moving on.
Ben Affleck as Tony Mendez:
Affleck kicked ass in this role but it doesn't change the fact that he clearly is not a Hispanic man. 

Now why are all these roles more egregious than the other examples of Hollywood whitewashing roles? Because these are all based on REAL PEOPLE! Hollywood had no problem casting a white person in the role of a person of color but flip the script and make a FICTIONAL character black then we have madness. MADNESS I SAY!

So in summation, if you are one of the people talking angrily about whether a critically acclaimed actor can play the highly difficult role of a guy becoming a human torch or an Academy Award nominated actress can handle playing Annie please turn around and walk away from me.

Unless you’re Beyonce. Then you can come on home.
Hey boo.