Thursday, August 11, 2016

Summer Nights Playlist...As Presented by The Puma of Chocolate Persuasion

In my continuing effort to siphon off any residual cool which is constantly being emitted from our current president Barack Obama, I too have decided to make a summer time playlist of music that I, think that you all should be listening to. Because I last looked at his night time list and let's be honest it's more fun to compile a list of slow jams for a fella like myself, I’ll give you some of the best slow jams to play during your summer nights.  

1. Good Times- Sam Cooke
A little uptempo beginning to the evening. Also fun fact, young Puma danced to this at his wedding.

2. Be Here- Raphael Saadiq
If I was going to cheat this entire album could have been this summer night list. Instant Vintage is to me a perfect album from top to bottom. This juts happens to be the smoothest of the tracks.
3. Pretty Wings- Maxwell
This had to be added I mean the name of the album is BLACKsummersnight. This song is classic Maxwell smoothness and a perfect accompaniment to the vibe of a slow jam compilation.

4. Beauty- Dru Hill

Ah yes, the shy guy anthem from high school. Quite smooth.

5. Cupid- 112 

Possibly my favorite of this group's pretty good streak in the early aughts. 
6. Never Gonna Give You Up- The Black Keys

 Shout out to the homie Wee Man for introducing the Black Keys into my life with this jam.
7. Moneygrabber- Fitz and the Tantrums

8. Hey Lover- L.L. Cool J

9. Blame It On The Boogie- The Jacksons

10. Sun Comes Up- John Legend

11. The Panties- Mos Def

12. Break You Off- The Roots
I have seen the Roots about 15 times and I lose my shit whenever this is played. Maybe not the summer night mood you're going for a but a brother can't help himself.

13. In The Mood- Talib Kweli

14. Love Language- Reflection Eternal

15. Like A Star- Corrine Bailey Rae

Well there you have it, my list biting Obama's list. Its cool if you think my list is better.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Random Midweek Thoughts

It’s been a while since I have blessed the tens and tens of people who read this with a smattering of my most random thoughts.  You may love them, you may hate them but the one thing you won’t be able to deny is that these are words that have been written in a public forum! 

-I was as shocked as anyone when Michael Jordan actually made a public statement on well anything. Then to follow it up, he actually donated money to causes supporting community policing and the NAACP Legal Defense Fund. All good right? Well Carmelo Anthony took the time to basically say it’s about time he did something. While I don’t disagree with that, it seems weird coming from Carmelo Anthony. He’s been outspoken all of 16 minutes and is now taking time to criticize others for not stepping up? Just doesn’t sit right for me.

-Today is the third anniversary of the day that Lady Puma and myself added our third musketeer. He’s a nut ball who won’t let me sleep in but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Here’s a few of his more awesome pics.
He's quite the proper gentleman.
Always ready to cut a rug.
But little regard for personal space.
-Clint Eastwood thinks “political correctness has led to the pussy generation.” 
Clint Eastwood seen here jitterbugging
I think it might be time to take grandpa back to Shady Acres so he can have a nap and a damn Sanka.

-Also to my members of Blue Lives Matter, if a policeman does something wrong just fucking acknowledge that it was wrong. It's not hard. Have some god damn decency. A damn acknowledgement that "hey, what that person of color just went through was messed up, that policeman should be punished for that." That is a low fucking bar. Not a condemnation of everyone but a condemnation of the person or persons making it unsafe for the good members of the Blue Lives family you claim to care so much for. If you don't care about the people being mistreated then at least for the sake of good cops speak up so they're not put in harm’s way because of the actions of some bullies with badges.

-The Khan family are both legitimate badasses with so much grace and strength I can barely take it. I salute them.

-People confuse me when they say that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the same.
While I'm not the biggest fan of Clinton, she has the resume of someone who could be running the country. State Senator, Secretary of State, years of raising money for the party. Donald Trump is a businessman who is "wildly successful." Except for the fact he has been involved in over 3,500 lawsuits ranging from fights with casino patrons to fraud charges. Not to mention the disgusting lynch mob he ran against the Central Park Five, years of sexist remarks and actions (allegedly) and is incredibly xenophobic . Hillary has her faults but to say she and this Cheetos complected muppet are the same is wildly untrue.

Friday, July 29, 2016

The Chocolate Puma Presents... Hating on People.

A while back a good friend of mine suggested I devote time on the old Puma blog here to hate on some deserving ass clowns. I took him up on that suggestion and I have to say it was one of my most fun posts of the year given the continuing awfulness that 2016 has continued to dish out. Seriously 2016, knock it off. It is in this spirit that two of the most deserving candidates ever drew my ire. I’m looking at you Steve King and Bill O’Reilly. So without further ado, I present my second installment in a hopefully long running series, The Chocolate Puma Hating on People. 

First up to the plate, Steve King! Yes the “distinguished” congressman from Iowa decided his normal brand of coded racism was just too hard and decided to just flat out throw all his racism cards on the table.
Asking a clearly shocked panel at the RNC what have any other “subculture” contributed to society. In the words of the great Dan Ackroyd I say to you Steve you ignorant slut. I’m not gonna teach you… but I am going to roast you. You look like Dennis Hopper if he got hit in the face with a sack of pennies. You have the hybrid personality of a sack of corn meal and Boss Hogg. You xenophobic bag of douche, your positions on even the most compassionate bills is deplorable. Who the hell votes against aid to the victims of Hurricane Katrina? Well what else would you expect from a jackass who proudly displays a confederate flag despite being from Iowa which is not a southern state. Basically he is almost as awful as Taylor Swift.

Now let’s roll on to the headliner in this parade of assclowns.
Bill O’Reilly recently took time out of his day from being a pompous blowhard to declare that slavery wasn’t all that bad. He seriously said that slaves were “well fed and had decent lodgings provided by the government.” When I heard this I gave him the finger so hard that I may have sprained my hand. Bill O’Reilly you unimaginative dick bag. You make Brian Williams look like freaking Walter Cronkite.  I would rather sit through an amateur acoustic set of Nickelback’s greatest hits rather than hear you say word one on anything. Seeing you on television regularly offends all of my senses. If you can take five minutes to stop sexually harassing women maybe you can learn how to be a somewhat decent human you screaming sack of elephant crap that looks like a damn big toe.

Whew! I am so glad I was able to get that off my chest. It’s a lot of people I’d like to ruthlessly mock. Donald Trump probably could get another post but for now I’ll bid you all adieu. It’s national chicken wing day and a Puma is going to DESTROY some buffalo wings.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

A Scheduled Break From The Pain of 2016

2016 for the most part has been an unrelenting garbage fire which has caused me much rage, anguish, sadness and any other negative emotion that can be attached to any given year. I have sat down and in my drafts folder there sits no more the five expletive laden pieces that should probably breathe a bit before I’m comfortable posting them. In lieu of posting something that idiots will call divisive I am going to do more of a self-care piece and if you disagree then I will physically fight you!  Today I present to you, my favorite tv characters of all time.

5. Roger the Alien: American Dad
You’d be hard pressed to find a more ridiculous and evil character than Roger. With his costumes and many personas the highlight of any episode of American Dad is the extra-terrestrial who resides in the Smith family attic. From dastardly personas such as Ricky Spanish to flat out being evil and sacrificing someone else to a life of space imprisonment he can truly be the worst. But he can do this:

4.  Rick Sanchez: Rick and Morty

The perpetually drunk grandfather of two who just happens to be a genius that has mastered interstellar space travel is indeed an awful man. He does have his moments where he shows some love for his family but for the most part his insults flow like the liquor from his never ending flask.

3.  Phil Coulson: Agents of Shield
 Don’t get all nitpicky and talk about how he’s a character from the movies, I know that. But for the purpose of my list he’s a tv character so suck it. The heart and soul of the Marvel universe, Coulson is currently the head of SHIELD and he is expertly played by Clark Gregg. Seriously, I defy you to find an actor better suited for this role on tv right now.He expertly is able to toe the line between being the authoritative voice his team needs without becoming the douchebag boss that everyone hates.

2. Bunk Moreland: The Wire
This strictly suit and tie wearing detective from Baltimore was a consistent and might I add hilarious voice of reason. Wendell Pierce absolutely nails the role. Not to mention he is arguably the most quotable character on a very quotable show. For all the funny he provided he also like the number one man on our list had a code, a sense of honor that was quite admirable in a shitshow of a police department. How he dressed down Omar after seeing children pretending to be the stick up man may be my favorite Bunk moment.

"As rough as that neighborhood could be, we had us a community. Nobody, no victim, who didn't matter. And now all we got is bodies, and predatory motherfuckers like you. And out where that girl fell, I saw kids acting like Omar, calling you by name, glorifying your ass. Makes me sick, motherfucker, how far we done fell. "   

Or this one:

1. Omar: The Wire 
And now we have arrived at my favorite tv character of all time. The notorious stick up man from The Wire.  Arguably the most badass character on the show, he was also nuanced. Someone entrenched in the street life of being feared by all who saw him, but also openly gay. A man willing to kill if need be but went to church with his grandmother once a month. Check out his showdown with Brother Mouzone and tell me I'm wrong to have him at the top of my list.

Well there you have it. Enjoy this lighthearted trip into my favorite tv characters as I am sure something trash is on the horizon to anger me and post on of my profanity laced tirades that will inevitably get me a call from my mother to watch my mouth.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

On Kevin Durant and the Free Agency Boom

NBA free agency is in full swing and players are getting more money than ever before. In the midst of this Kevin Durant decided to (take less money and) sign with the Golden State Warriors and people’s reaction to his move has revealed something to me Many of the people who are mad at Kevin Durant are suckers. That’s right; most of the people mad at Kevin Durant are suckers. If that happens to be you I hate to be the one to break the news to you but the first step in correcting this suckerific behavior is admitting you have a problem. 

There have been so many people railing against the NBA because well “hockey and football are way more dangerous and that’s why they should get more.” 
I wish my player's union negotiated a fairer deal...
Ok...well why don’t those players take this up with their respective players unions.  The reason that the player’s contracts are spiking to such a degree is that the NBA owners are receiving 24 billion dollars from ESPN and TNT. Given that no one goes to games to see the owners then logically shouldn’t the working force of the NBA get rewarded as well?The player's union recognized this and argued for this, thus hey are getting their reward.

But the main point of this is regarding the man who refers to himself as “The Servant” but I refer to him as "The Durantula." Many are railing against his move to the rival Warriors as if he owed the Thunder something. I’m sorry did he fulfill his contractual obligations? Did he listen to offers as is his negotiated right that the owners agreed to? Did he make a personal decision to change where he worked? Then what’s the problem? 
Burning his jersey? Now why would he ever leave this heavenly paradise?
And I understand if you are a fan of the Thunder and are disappointed, you can be disappointed, but don’t act like you own the man and he hasn’t help put your team on the map.

If the argument is guys in this generation would rather team up, my reply is when haven’t great players tried to team up? The only difference is that now players have more control over their career than they ever have before. To us, this is a game but to these athletes this is their job, their profession, their career. And if after fulfilling you obligation to your employer you feel it’s better to go and try to achieve the ultimate goal of winning the championship elsewhere then more power to you. 

Older players are also annoying the hell out of me on this one. Guys like Charles Barkley saying it's weak to go to another team and he 's "cheating to win a title." Was it cheating when you demanded trades twice in your career to better teams?
I would never join a loaded team!
"The best thing about it would be getting the chance to play with Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler. We would be very formidable." Comes off a touch hypocritical for now it to be a problem when you're not the one chasing the title. 

We're not seeing anything now that hasn't happened before, the only difference is players have more control over their career. Now if you're mad for reasons other than your team losing a player, what are you really mad at?