The Chocolate Puma Mock Draft

 Hot damn it’s been a while since I last dusted off the old blog but damn it I am still here, I’m still standing, I’m still strong! With that being said I figured why not give you all what not a single human being asked for. That’s right, it’s NFL draft season and ya boy figures you all may be craving the unsolicited opinion of a third place finisher in a fantasy football league. But first just a few hot takes.

*Did I not call the last two Super Bowls and how they would turn out? You’re damn right. Basically never bet against Patrick Lavon Mahomes II.

*What is it with the Jets and Falcons putting their hopes and dreams into old quarterbacks coming off Achilles injuries? Maybe I’m old school but that’s an injury that takes a little time to come back from.

*The Bears failed Justin Fields and I was happy to see him go. I think the world of the kid as a player and as a leader you can tell he was respected as the entire locker room rallied behind him. He could have been better but to hold a season where they tanked, a season where the head coach didn’t want to start him over Andy Dalton and whatever the hell Luke Getsy was doing just doesn’t seem right. At least the team did right by him and sent him where he wanted to go.

With those things off my chest here are my guesses on who the top ten picks in the draft will be, and no I am not predicting trades. 

1. Chicago Bears

Team needs: QB, EDGE, DT, WR, IOL, LB, S
Selection:  Caleb Williams, QB- USC

Who I’d Draft: Williams

Probably the biggest duh of the draft at this point. He is a former Heisman trophy winner and has all the physical tools you’d want. He is also coming into a situation that no other number one pick has come into as it’s not a complete dumpster fire. 

2. Washington Commanders

Team needs: QB, OT, EDGE, CB, WR, S, LB, IOL

Selection: Jayden Daniels, QB- LSU

Who I’d Draft: Daniels

The current Heisman Trophy winner, he is a guy who is accurate, throws a great deep ball and very mobile. He is a member of the skinny delegation (shout out) and he takes as one of my favorite podcasters ColeyMick describes as “cartoonishly big hits.” He’s gonna have to protect himself but he is definitely the best qb available at this point.

3. New England Patriots 

Team needs: OT, WR, QB, CB, WR, OT, LB, DL, TE

Selection: Drake Maye, QB - UNC

Who I’d Draft: Marvin Harrison Jr.

The new era of the Patriots is among us and they are going to need someone to be the face of the team. They signed Jacoby Brissett in the offseason and he will be a great bridge QB until Maye is ready to go. I would take MHJ because he may be the best WR prospect to come out in the last few years. If you saw the OSU qb last year you would definitely get why I am so high on him. And if you don’t take him then you also run the risk of upsetting his father which is not a wise thing to do.

4. Arizona Cardinals

Team needs: WR, EDGE, DL, CB, RB, IOL, LB, EDGE, DL
Selection: Marvin Harrison Jr, WR - OSU

Who I’d Draft: Trade Down

If MHJ is there you run to the podium and take him. If he isn’t I’d move down, get more draft capital because this team needs help all over the damn place.

5. Los Angeles Chargers

Team needs: WR, CB, DL, OT, LB, WR, RB

Selection: Joe Alt, LT- Notre Dame
Who I’d Draft: Brock Bowers, TE- Georgia

Joe Alt is probably the best tackle in the draft however the line wasn’t the weakest part of the team last year. Last year’s top pick couldn’t hold on to the ball, Mike Williams is gone, Keenan Allen is gone and Austin Eckler is gone. Given that Herbert needs someone to depend on you get the best TE prospect in years there and baby you got a stew going! 

6. New York Giants

Team needs: WR, IOL, RB, LB, S, CB, QB

Selection: Malik Nabers, WR- LSU

Who I’d Draft: Olu Fashanu, LT

They’ve got so many holes to fill and their head coach is on the hot seat. If you’re gonna go with the QB you paid then I would say it’s important to protect him. Fashanu would be the best available Tackle at this point. You could also trade down and still get him.

7. Tennessee Titans

Team needs: OT, DL, EDGE, LB, IOL, WR, CB, TE
Selection: Olu Fashanu, LT - Penn St. 

Who I’d Draft: Fashanu

Last year they picked Peter Skoronski and you may as well get a bookend tackle to pair with him. If you’re going to go with Will Levis at QB then you better damn sure protect him. Simple as that.

8. Atlanta Falcons

Team needs: EDGE, CB, DL, LB, S, WR, CB
Selection: Dallas Turner, Edge- Alabama

Who I’d Draft: Turner

No need to overthink it, while it’s tempting to get one of the many wide receivers there is no shortage of Offensive talent for the Falcons. The pass rush was abysmal last year and adding the best edge rush prospect is pretty much a no brainer.

9. Chicago Bears

Team needs: QB, EDGE, DT, WR, IOL, LB, S
 Selection: Rome Odunze 

Who I’d Draft: Odunze/Trade Down for more picks

Teaming one of the best receiver prospects in years with Caleb Williams, D’Andre Swift, DJ Moore, Keenan Allen and Cole Kmet would give the Bears the chance to put up numbers not ever seen by this franchise. It is a deep draft for receivers so I wouldn’t rule out trading down and amassing more picks and still get a quality number three receiver.

10. New York Jets

Team needs: WR, TE, OT, RB, S, WR, CB

Selection: Brock Bowers, TE - Georgia 

Who I’d Draft: Taliese Fuaga, T-Oregon St.

Look if Bowers is available you take him. That said the Jets have an octogenarian at quarterback and he is coming off a torn achilles. So given all of that plus a very porous, old and sometimes injured offensive line it may be worth getting some protection to keep that anti vaxxed assclown upright.

Well there you have it, I know it won’t go this way but hey I am not a medium who can see in the future and trades are so damn wild to predict. And let’s be real, if I did try and guess those trades it would be wrong and I would get mocked much like my 2012 assessment of Damian Lillard.

So I wish you all the luck to your teams.

Unless it’s Aaron Rodgers. I wish him failure.

Prime Time and his Complex Legacy

My thoughts on Deion Sanders are much like his own ongoing legacy. They are…complex. With the unexpected success albeit very early in the season for the University of Colorado, there has come quite a bit of attention on the program. And while it’s to be expected, it still has me feeling a certain way.

First I’ll get my criticisms out of the way. I do not like how he left Jackson State. At all. He did not want to go through the conventional methods of becoming a head coach so he chose to go to a school that needed a light shined on it. Where he fucked up in my eyes was proclaiming he was on a mission from God when anyone who has followed Deion for more than 5 minutes will tell you he is out for Deion. But to his credit he rebuilt the program, brought in highly ranked recruits and donations flowed like water and that can not be discounted how much that helped.

Then the first moment he got a chance to step to a school higher on the NCAA totem pole he bounced. That’s fine, won’t begrudge the guy, however watch the game after he made the decision to leave, completely checked out and no longer worrying about the HBCU he made his name on and built his resume on. He owed it to Jackson State I feel, to leave in a manner that the school deserved. 

But the game is the game, and Deion rolled into Colorado and brought with him a plethora of transfers and highly ranked recruits. Much like many a high profile coach before him but this felt different. While there is much to be rightfully be critical of, the disrespect being shown is a touch much for your boy. You have talking heads openly claiming Jackson State is nothing more than a JUCO and of course immediately discounting the legitimacy of talent at HBCUs. 

So for as obnoxious as I find Deion, and to be fair I have always been a huge fan because of his obnoxious talent, just because I don’t like how he handled himself at Jackson St. does not mean I will ever root against him.

Ya know why? Because to root against him is to root against the success of guys like Shedeur Sanders, Travis Hunter, Xavier Weaver and so many more. And for all of the criticisms that can be levied, one thing is for sure he has made Colorado Buffalo football exciting in a way it has not been…well ever. 

Also when it comes to hoping Deion fails...

NFL Season Preview

The football season is upon us and I would be remiss if I didn’t recap how your boy came through and killed it with his prognostication. To recap, I called the Chiefs over the Eagles in the Super Bowl, I called the Bears stinking it up but progression from Justin Fields, I called in what had friends of mine laughing at me at the time, I called for a career year for one Geno Smith and damned if my boy Geno didn’t come through. So the time has come again for me, your resident prognosticator, to come through with what he does best, gut feelings based on elite athletes!

*The Detroit Lions will fall short of expectations.

I know this is going to grind the gears of some of my Lion supporting pals but allow me to bring a dose of reality to the situation. The Lions were the feel good story of the NFL last year and even sent Aaron Rodgers off to New York by ending the Packers season. However, dreams of Super Bowls need to be tempered just a bit. I’m seeing predictions of 12-13 wins and while admirable, shoot for 10 games and see where you go from there. They don’t have the easiest schedule and let’s be honest history isn’t on their side. I think they steal a wild card spot and who knows what  happens next year but any elite talk this year has got to be tabled.

*The Chicago Bears will exceed expectations but fall short of the playoffs.

Last season I said the Bears would be awful and they were but we saw enough from Justin Fields to get real excited as Bears fans. Last season even with a weak roster we were in most of the games we played and players like DJ Moore and Darnell Wright coming in this offseason will be huge. I think a 5-6 win improvement is more than possible. Also Fields gets a bad rap as a running quarterback when people seem to forget at Ohio State he ran nowhere near as much. Last season he had 160 rushing attempts, his entire college career he had 260. He’s going to be fine with some semblance of an offensive line.

*Bijan Robinson will be the most exciting rookie, possibly overall player not named Patrick Lavon Mahomes II.

I didn’t watch much college football outside of the Big 10/SEC however whenever Texas played I damn sure found a way to watch. Why? Because Bijan Robinson is the best player of this draft from a pure talent perspective. The man can literally do it all. Need someone to run between the tackles? Bijan got you. Need a third down back who can pass block and catch out the backfield? Bijan got you. Hell if you need someone to line up at wide receiver he can do that too! Given that the Atlanta qb situation is not known I would expect him to get the ball a lot. 

*Matt Stafford is cooked.

There has been no more coddled number one pick in NFL history than Matt Stafford. I don’t mean this in a bad way towards the man but the player until he was traded to the Rams constantly had excuses made for him that other number one picks did not. That said it was good to see one of the league's good guys get a super bowl but that may have been the last time we see him as a reasonably elite quarterback. He can’t stay healthy and when he is healthy he is looking for new and creative ways to make Cooper Kupp into the next Sterling Sharpe. So it may be time sooner rather than later to get the soon to be owner of Stetson Bennett Cadillac of Athens in that starting role.

*The Super Bowl will feature the 49ers vs the Chiefs in which Kyle Shanahan finds a way to lose again on the biggest stage.

In the regular season there is no more of a competent and inventive play caller than Kyle Shanahan, hell he took a team with Jimmy Garrapolo to the Super Bowl, however once he gets to the Super Bowl he loses his damn mind. Lest we forget his abysmal play calling with the Atlanta Falcons as they blew a 28-3 lead. So he has his plug and play qb, a solid defense and should run through the regular season. I expect the Eagles to take a step back after losing both coordinators this past offseason. As for the Chiefs? Just sign Chris Jones and let the Jordan of the NFL do the rest.

Alright well that’s all I got, I am sure now that I have confidently laid all this out, the Lions will go 16-1. But rejoice nonetheless because the summer dullness is about to soon be over.

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

It’s been a while since I’ve graced the old proverbial pen and pad for you fine folks who have come to depend on me, ya boy, for ridiculous takes that makes you call into question the quality of my home training which I can assure you that mama Thompson is not a fan of idiocy at times. So it is in this spirit that I give my thoughts on the coo coo bananas summer we have had thus far.

*Donald Trump got indicted…then he got indicted again…then he got indicted….then for good measure he got indicted one more time.

I was literally writing this and ol’ Trumpito got hit with another indictment. This man has more indictments than Nick Cannon has kids. He has more charges than Ariana Grande has broken homes in her wake. Seriously I don’t understand how anyone can think this is a conspiracy against this circus peanut hued con man. You mean to tell me the entire government is so scared of a failed businessman who only rose back to prominence due to a reality show during the last writer’s strike? Or is he an opportunistic ass clown who leans into the racist and sexist tendencies he has and that his base loves? I’m gonna go with the latter. Also he’s not this smart person so guess what happens to dumb criminals? They get hit with 91 combined charges. 

*Juvenile did a Tiny Desk concert and it was amazing.

A few months ago a twitter interaction with rapper Juvenile had him learn what NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series was and in real time he learned of its existence and agreed to do one himself. What followed was a performance that brought me much joy and happiness. First of all it was the rap I listened to in high school done live and everyone performing you can tell are both healthy and happy which is a rarity unfortunately. We see Mannie Fresh do what he does and people finally get the genius of the man. And the thing that struck me most, we see two black men of a certain age laughing, having fun in a southern accent that made me yearn for the summers of my youth in Mississippi and my relatives in New Orleans. I listen to it often and frankly, I’ll continue to do so.

*Keke Palmer boyfriend fumbled the bag.

One of the most popular acts in all of Vegas currently is Usher who is doing a residency there. At a show this summer Keke Palmer and her girls decided to hit up the show and as a recognizable celebrity there Usher sang to her and there was a little two step shared between the two. Fairly innocuous stuff right? Well you know who had a problem? The baby papa of Keke who stated “But you a mom tho.” And from that this young man’s fate was sealed as the dirtiest of macks all saw this slight opening to shoot their shot with this baddie we’ve all grown up with. That brother was sent to the curb with the quickness of a 5 star recruit at the University of Georgia. Keke meanwhile has gotten her props as a baddie mom and even released a music video with Usher mocking the whole situation. Savage. 

*There was a ferry brawl and black Aquaman was there.

We are living in unprecedented times. And typically in these times we are so deep in the forest that we can’t see the trees. We need to slow down, take a deep breath and realize the magnitude of things happening. I am referring of course to the great Montgomery Sweet Tea Party where a few racists tried to jump a dude who was just doing his job and like Jason Aldean said “Try that in a small town” because the Alabama Avengers assembled like Voltron to come to his rescue and I, your boy, have not stopped laughing since.

El Cabong!

It’s like an SNL Stefon skit. “Ths fight had everything: a chair man knocking people out, a swimming teenager body slamming people, a hat used as a distress signal and men skipping happily to knock someone out. Just as a general rule, if you see grown men skipping towards you ready to fight, do not fight those men. They woke up praying for this and they see you as a blessing.

So that’s just the smallest snippet of this absolutely bonkers summer. Seriously the writers of 2023 are not on strike with the plot twists this wacky ass year has thrown at us.I haven’t even mentioned the tanking of twitter, a black woman in Alabama faking her disappearance and Tim Anderson getting knocked the hell out on national tv.

I’m tired ya’ll.

NFL Draft Season!

 It’s that time of year, where nerds such as myself get the bright idea that  we could turn the fortunes of our favorite teams around. It is the NFL draft. And this year, there are quite a few stories to follow. Why is the decorated quarterback CJ Stroud falling in some mock drafts? Why is the wholly unimpressive Will Levis skyrocketing in some drafts? Are the NFL GMs really so scared to draft a running back they’d let someone as wildly talented as Bijan Robinson slide? So I put my GM hat on and decided let me do a little drafting for these guys. So if I was running these franchises these are the picks I would make. I’m not guessing trades so all of these picks could be null by the time I hit publish! Gotta love draft season.  

1) Carolina Panthers (from Chicago): Bryce Young, QB- Alabama

Is he small? Yes. Is he also the best QB prospect since Trevor Lawrence? Also yes. He has impeccable accuracy, processes the defenses like a damn super computer and finds ways to overcome his small stature and find throwing lanes by having amazing feel in the pocket. The Panthers have a good offensive line and the quarterback whisperer himself Jim Caldwell is on the staff there.

2) Houston Texans: CJ Stroud, QB - Ohio State

The most prototypical quarterback in the draft is Stroud. That's not a knock by any means, this kid is god damn electric. The big knock on him is his lack of mobility which turns out is he just doesn't want to run. And why would he need to when over two seasons he threw 85 touchdowns to only 12 interceptions. In the college playoff against Georgia however he showed when he needed to he could be as electric on the ground as he is in the air. If you're looking to begin a new era in Houston, you got your field general right here. 

3) Arizona Cardinals: Will Anderson, Edge- Alabama

Arizona has a new coach and he comes from a defensive background, what better way to upgrade your defense with the best defensive player in the draft. A guy who walked onto campus at Alabama and immediately became an impact player helping the Tide win the 2020 National Championship. He was a top 5 five Heisman vote getter, Bednarik, Nagurski, Lombardi award winner and multiple time first team All American. 

4) Indianapolis Colts: Anthony Richardson, QB- Florida

The biggest enigma in the draft remains the signal caller from Gainesville. He doesn't have the starts or the pedigree of Richardson or Stroud but in the words of Michael Jordan when it comes to this guy "the ceiling is the roof." He has a howitzer for an arm, would arguably be one of the 3 best running quarterbacks the day he is drafted, and may be the most physically impressive quarterback we've seen since Cam Newton. That said he has a lot to learn from the pocket, spotty mechanics and inaccuracy marred his time at Florida but given a year to learn from Shane Steichen who coached Jalen Hurts and Justin Herbert this could be a franchise guy.

5) Seattle Seahawks (from Denver): Jalen Carter, DT- Georgia

The elephant in the room is the dreaded "character issues." While that all amounted to was driving offenses, serious ones, I don't think it would be enough to deter me from drafting the best tackle prospect in quite a while. A two time national champion and unanimous All American, Carter controls the line of scrimmage and for a team in desperate need of defensive help, someone who can control the front would be quite valuable.

6) Detroit Lions (from L.A. Rams): Christian Gonzalez, CB- Oregon

The Lions made a hell of a jump last season but their defense left much to be desired. With the trade of Jeff Okudah, getting the best corner in this draft could be perfect. Gonzalez has good size, speed and instincts. Very patient and he has amazing closing speed and if he does get beat his recovery speed is amazing. 

7) Las Vegas Raiders: Tyree Wilson, Edge- Texas Tech

The Raiders are a damn train wreck. That said they need help everywhere and given that Josh Jacobs is likely to play on the franchise tag this season the best available player could be Tyree Wilson from Texas Tech. He could be a Nick Bosa style rusher and game changer. He's 6'6, 270 lbs and an absolute monster. 

8) Atlanta Falcons: Bijan Robinson, RB- Texas 

If the Falcons are going to go with Desmond Ridder they might as well go all in. What better way to help your young quarterback than to add to the weapons of Drake London, Kyle Pitts, and Cordarrelle Patterson with the best running back prospect in years. An explosive runner who can run through, around and by defenders as well as line up and run routes as well as most slot receivers. 

9) Chicago Bears (from Carolina): Peter Skoronski, OT- Northwestern

Last season Justin Fields was a revelation. This season it's time to keep the momentum going and protect him. Playing behind arguably the worst offensive line in recent history Fields ran for over 1,100 yards. No need to over think this pick, you get the best tackle available and Skoronski would be an anchor of the line for years to come. He started every game in college and something tells me that will translate to the next level. 

10) Philadelphia Eagles (from New Orleans): Nolan Smith, Edge- Georgia

The Eagles are pretty loaded and aren't poor in many areas, so why not take a swing and get the fast edge rusher from Athens and make the Green truly Mean. Hassan Reddick was an absolute monster last year, imagine having two of them on the field at the same time? Smith is fast, relentless motor and at this point while possibly a reach, would be the best edge rusher available.

Well there you have it, I’m fairly confident that as soon as I hit post 8 trades will happen and somehow my team is gonna be screwed but as Bomani Jones says I’m not off that narcotic and I am a glutton for punishment. 

The Future Stars of Wrestlemania Season

The long and winding road to WrestleMania has almost reached it's final destination. It's in that spirit that I am going to give you some of the names who could become some of the future headliners at the showcase of the immortals. 

Carmelo Hayes:

Melo Don't Miss.

The former Christian Casanova came into NXT and immediately won the breakout tournament. Since then he has won the North American Championship, retired the Cruiserweight title, and has teamed with Trick Williams to be possibly the most entertaining duo in all of wrestling. His in ring style is athletic, fast paced, and meshes with anyone. His mic skills as a heel are much more entertaining not that he was bad as a face but he's really hitting his stride as the cocky Iverson like character.

Match to check out:

Carmelo Hayes vs Roderick Strong (North American Championship/Cruiserweight  Championship)

Ricky Starks:

Yes I know he is in AEW but I would find it hard to believe he's not on WWE's radar especially after his friend whom you may have heard of, one Cody Rhodes made the jump. This man is the definition of charisma. In the ring he can be that cocky heel you want to punch in the face or the face in peril you want to see overcome the odds.

Match to Check Out: 

Ricky Starks vs Chris Jericho (AEW All Out)

Sol Ruca:

A relative newcomer to the business, she has improved by leaps and bounds every time she steps into the ring. She has a Charlotte Flair vibe to her which makes sense as she was also a collegiate volleyball player as well. She has a good look, and her finisher is straight money, like legit print cash with it. 

Match to Check Out:

Sol Ruca vs Alba Fyre (NXT)

Solo Sikoa:

This guy is being built as a monster and I dig it. As the muscle of The Bloodline, the man known as "the problem" and the street champ has been the heavy handed enforcer in the same vein his uncle Umaga. As well as he has been protected, given his only loss via pinfall has been to Cody Rhodes where he looked like a million bucks it's not hard to envision a world where the Bloodline crumbles and the street champ steps to Roman for control of the family table.  

Match to Check Out:

Solo Sikoa Vs Sheamus

So there you have it. Just a few of the younger names who are cash money baby. And yes I don't think I'm breaking the internet with any of these predictions but this is my blog and this is who I want to highlight damn it! So yes sit back and enjoy a weekend filled with more wrestling than I have any business having access to! 

Lamar Jackson Is No Bargain Bin Special

Lamar Jackson certainly elicits a reaction. Always has, probably always will it appears. This week the Baltimore Ravens placed the non-exclusive franchise tag on Jackson basically meaning if he signs it he will get a guaranteed 32.5 million dollars. Sounds like a good deal in theory right? Wrong! Not when the market for just good quarterbacks is starting at 40 million per season. Less accomplished quarterbacks are being paid more and this is just the latest in a long line of disrespect thrown at Jackson.

When Jackson was coming out of college, he was the quarterback questioned on his accuracy despite having a higher completion percentage than Josh Allen, questioned on grasping the pro game despite the fact he mastered the pro style offense Bobby Petrino runs at Louisville, hell he was the only prospect who was told he should switch positions. 

He threw 69 touchdowns to only 27 picks, over 9,000 yards and won the Heisman! Did he have the perfect game? Absolutely not, no such thing as a perfect prospect but for guys such as Sam Darnold and Baker Mayfield to get drafted ahead of him was a joke and that was at the time. 

The goalposts always move when it comes to Lamar. You want a qb who wins? He's tied with Tom Brady for most wins through 50 games and consistently has led the Ravens to the Playoffs. You want someone who despite having the least money spent on wide receivers since 2019 he has been 3rd in QBR vs man coverage, 4th in QBR vs zone coverage, and 2nd in QBR when defenses have 7 or fewer players in the box.

There have been 5 guys in the history of the NFL 96-plus passer rating and over 100 touchdowns in their first 61 career starts – Patrick Mahomes, Dan Marino, Aaron Rodgers and Deshaun Watson and Lamar Jackson. What does all this mean? It means Lamar Jackson is just the quarterback position evolved.

When within minutes of the franchise tag being announced you have teams coming out and saying they aren't interested it smells kinda funny. Teams like Carolina, Atlanta, and Oakland who are as of now trotting out PJ Walker, Desmond Ridder, and Jarrett Stidham as their quarterbacks this season. No disrespect but none of those guys are the youngest MVP in NFL history. None of these guys are arguably the most dynamic player at his position we've ever seen. 

They've tried to discount out him on the field for years, now that he's surpassed all the goals they said he'd never attain they're going to try and discount him when it's time to pay him.

Just. Pay. The. Man.