Friday, July 13, 2018

Extreme Rules 2018 Preview

Ah yes folks it's that time again. We're on the road to Extreme Rules. While the storylines have been a little stagnant I am still here to give you, the 5's of readers who like these what you want, nay what you need. Without further ado I give you my picks.


The New Day vs Sanity (Tables Match)
The New Day are in that weird spot where they don't really need the titles but they are so popular you have to find ways to get them to the audience. This is a perfect spot for them against a debuting stable that if you do not follow NXT you may be unfamiliar with. Eric Young conveys a very unhinged psycho, Killian Dain is a tank with a Ferrari engine and Alexander Wolfe is woefully underrated.
What a damn weirdo.
I expect a pretty good match to kick the evening off and get the crowd into it. New Day doesn't need to win to remain popular so I think we can expect the newbies to go over in a competitive battle.
Winner: Sanity

Kevin Owens vs Braun Strowman (Steel Cage Match)
One of the funniest running gags over the last few months has been Braun Strowman going out of his way to bowl over and find creative ways to give Kevin Owens' them hands.

This is going to be nothing short of a squash match essentially but I fully expect Owens to knock the big man down at least once so he can take solace in that.
Winner: Braun Strowman

Finn Balor vs Baron Corbin
Since debuting his Constable Corbin gimmick and shaving his head Baron Corbin has actually been entertaining. As the eyes and ears of the corporation he has a prominent role whether he is in the ring or backstage. Finn Balor on the other hand while not being uninteresting has been kind of lost and really needs something creatively to do.

Personally I wouldn't be mad if he was next in line for the Intercontinenatal Championship but that's booking ahead. I think that Balor will get the win simply because he is more over than Corbin who could eat a loss and use it as a reason to stack the deck against Balor going forward.
Winner: Finn Balor

Shinuske Nakamura vs Jeff Hardy (United States Championship)
While a bite from a police dog has seriously derailed how entertaining a feud between these two weirdos could have been I'm still excited about this match. You got the still pretty athletic style of Jeff Hardy against the strong style of Nakamura who if we're being honest probably should have been given the chance to beat Styles and be champion.
Hardy has been dealing with some injuries apparently and Nakamura has to win a title in one of his chances here before he gets the label of unable to win the big one.
Winner: Nakamura

Roman Reigns vs Bobby Lashley
Sigh. This match. We all know we're leading to Roman vs Brock...again. Which is a shame because Lashley for as uninteresting as he is has a very impressive MMA record. Putting the two of them together, maybe even have Lashley as the one who slays the beast could lead to the best Lashley there is, super arrogant asshole Bobby Lashley.
Yay...Brock-Roman...again.
Instead we'll get a superman punch, spear, and another month of "This is my yard!" "No! Suplex city bitch!" Save us Braun Strowman.
Winner: Roman Reigns

Seth Rollins vs Dolph Ziggler (Iron Man Match for Intercontinental Title)
I definitely expect this match to steal the show which let's face it, Seth Rollins is becoming notorious for. Teaming Ziggler with Drew McIntyre has been genius as it seemingly has lit a spark under him as the reboot this Shawn Michaels/Diesel relationship again.
Nice show you got there...be a shame if someone stole it.
As for Rollins, he has done a great job elevating the Intercontinental title to a very important level, that said I think he has outgrown this spot so I would say he loses this match to move on to chasing the Universal title.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Team Hell No vs The Bludgeon Brothers (Smackdown Tag Team Championship)
I never knew I would pop so hard to see Kane return for the billionth time but hey 2018 is weird. You have so much history in this match. You got the Bludegon Brothers vs Bryan as part of the Wyatt Family, you got Kane who has battled and battled along side Bryan.

I think we're gonna get a very entertaining match as I think Luke Harper may be the MVP as he is woefully underrated. In the end the Bludgeon Brothers should go over as I see this as nothing more than a stop gap feud for Daniel Bryan.
Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers

Asuka vs Carmella (Smackdown Women's Championship, Ellsworth suspended from a shark cage)
This one may be the hardest one for me to call. On one hand Asuka should kick Carmella so hard that it caves her chest in. On the other hand I could totally see Carmella finding a way to escape with the title. With Ellsworth suspended in a shark cage you just know he's gonna get involved in some way. My guess is he causes a disqualification which gets Asuka a win because she can't keep taking pins but allows Carmella to hold the title until Summerslam which would b a much bigger moment for Asuka to capture the title.
Winner: Asuka (By DQ)

The B-Team vs Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt (Raw Tag Team Championship)
The B-Team has carved out quite the little hot streak since the Miz was sent to Smackdown. They are perfectly cast as a comedy heel team and should provide enough of a threat to push the Woken Warrior and the Eater of Worlds. This however is going to be another one where we already know the outcome. Hopefully after this Hardy and Wyatt can move on to my team of choice as their next opponents, the top guys!
Hit the damn music!
Winner: Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt

Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss (Raw Women's Championship)
This is a confusing one. I mean what the hell was the point of any of the initial feud, the subsequent Rousey feud and back to this feud. Creative has done no favors for Nia Jax in this regard. First she was being bullied, then she was the bully now she's back to being bullied. The hell? Given that Ronda Rousey is going to be in the audience I would expect her to get involved and this is probably going to lead to a triple threat match at Summerslam.
Winner: Alexa Bliss

Rusev vs AJ Styles (WWE Championship)
AJ Styles is one of the best wrestlers in the world. That said this run as champion has kind of been boring. Not bad but it's not blowing the doors off by any means. Opposite of that is the ridiculously popular Rusev...DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! In a perfect world Rusev shocks the world and we celebrate Rusev Day with a world title.
Unfortunately I don't think this is going to be the case. I expect AJ Styles to win and hopefully move on to face Samoa Joe because I want to live in a world where the Samoan named Joe is a world champion.
Winner: AJ Styles

And there we have it folks, another ppv successfully prognosticated. I would say I've earned a treat. So I am off to sneak some of my son's goldfish. I hope he doesn't notice.

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

The Chocolatey Mock Draft Extravaganza

Ah yes it's that most wondrous time of year. The NBA Draft is upon us. And even though I am currently a disgruntled Bulls fan I am also a man who is bordering an obsessive addiction to watch anything basketball related. So as is tradition, your boy has sat and watched hours of basketball, from obscure Euro leagues to upper echelon of the NCAA. Let my prognosticating begin!

1. Phoenix Suns: Deandre Ayton, C - Arizona
Ayton is probably the most skilled big man the draft has seen is quite a while. Offensively he is probably gonna be ready to contribute from day one.
Has a very good jump shot for a big man, hit 34% of his 3's so he has potential there and the Hack-a-Ayton won't be too effective as he shot 74% from the free throw line. His only real flaw is his defense but he isn't a turnstile in the post. It looks like with the proper coaching and his footwork getting a look at then we could be looking at a very special player and the Suns could be a team on the rise.

2. Sacramento Kings: Luka Donic, SG - Real Madrid
The international man of mystery of this draft, at 19 years old he could just be the best player in this draft. Since he was about 16 he has been playing against grown men so physically the adjustment to the NBA won't be so great.
An elite offensive prospect, he seemingly can do a little bit of everything. He is a little on the slow side going side to side but he makes up for that by having very fast hands and pretty good defensive instincts. If the Kings were smart it's would be pretty hard to pass up on this kid.

3. Atlanta Hawks: Marvin Bagley III, PF - Duke
Bagley is going to come in and he is going to be a contributor from day one. While he isn't the physical force that Ayton is he does have good size and will definitely not get muscled around. He will even be able to play center in some of your more small ball lineups.
That's a 6'11 guy leading the break folks.
While some guys who are an elite prospect talent wise kinda coast on those skills what separates Bagley is the effort he puts in. Will need to learn to reign in his over zealousness to go after every offensive rebound whether he is in position or not and get back in transition.

4. Memphis Grizzlies: Trae Young, G - Oklahoma
Probably the most well known scorer in the draft, Trae Young took the college basketball world over during the first half of the season reminding some people of a young Steph Curry. However in the second half of the season as teams began to focus more on him he reminded most of Mark Curry (Shoutout to 'Hangin with Mr. Cooper, wild underrated.)
I'd say he has NBA range. 
There is hope, in the NBA he won't have such a high usage rate so he can probably focus more on what makes him good and not trying to overextend himself trying to do too much. He is a turnstile on defense but on a historically good defensive team like Memphis there should be ways to hide him on the floor essentially.

5. Dallas Mavericks: Jaren Jackson, PF - Michigan State
This is the prospect that probably confuses me the most. If it's based solely off talent this guy is a top 3 pick all day. When it comes to production on the floor he was quite inconsistent. Some stretches this guy was just invisible. When he was on however the upside is just worth the risk.
Welcome to Blocktown, population YOU! 
A 6'11 power forward that can legit guard all 5 positions, shoots 40% from the 3 point line and is probably the best prospect at the art of timing the putback dunk. Let him sit behind Dirk for a season and learn the position and they could have something special here.

6. Orlando Magic: Mo Bamba PF/C- Texas
Here we have the draft's most interesting man. On just his college statistics alone he should be a top ten pick. A 7 footer with quick feet and blocked 3.7 shots per game and can guard a myriad of positions. He averaged 12.9 points a game and 10.5 rebounds but displayed some fundamentals that lead you to believe that he has not even tapped into his potential. Then you see his combine numbers and you are convinced he is a character from a video game. He has a wingspan of 7'9 and a standing reach of 9'6. Holy crap. This guy could be something we have bnot seen before.




7. Chicago Bulls: Michael Porter Jr, PF - Missouri
I've been a fan of Porter since he played for a team coached by Brandon Roy and also being a coach's son also helps as you know that most likely his x's and o's knowledge of the game is more than up to the task. He's a 6'11 small forward that is a pro ready ready scorer.
While he is not a lock down defender he's definitely not one that's gonna give up buckets left and right. It does concern me that he had the hip injury a week ago after missing most of his freshman season with a back injury but when a scorer at his size comes along you gotta take the risk.

8. Cleveland Cavaliers: Wendell Carter, C - Duke
A guy who can play center in both a traditional lineup and in small ball lineup he is a very versatile big man. Has a very good face up game although at times he does depend on spinning toward the baseline a bit much. He has very good defensive instincts and puts himself in the best position to get rebounds and if he can't get that board he is quick up the floor to get back on defense. Team him with Kevin Love and opposing teams may not see many opportunities at rebounds.

9. New York Knicks: Colin Sexton, PG - Alabama 
This is one I actually would love to see happen for the Knicks. Sexton was coached by Avery Johnson in college and has always seemed to have ice water running through his veins so playing on the big stage should be no problem. Playing for David Fizdale who is an amazing coach and one of the best sound bites in the game should also be quite beneficial.
A very athletic guard who can score in a myriad of ways and his step back game is quite lethal. Give him time to learn the point guard position and improve his passing and the Knicks won't be such a sad sack squad.

10. Philadelphia 76ers: Mikal Bridges, SF - Villanova
This is what is probably going to be the safest pick in the entire draft. A solid wing defender who's long and has a very high basketball IQ. His demeanor on the floor is similar to that of Kawahi Leonard, very calm and collected.
His downside is sometimes there is a lack of aggression as he averages less than 4 free throws per game. Not sure if that is due to going from being a role player to a go to scorer who that allowed Jalen Brunson to facilitate the offense.

Well folks another year down, another successful mock draft by the Puma. I'm certain that this is the year I actually get a few right, I mean I'm due right?

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Money In The Bank 2018 Preview

We have arrived at yet another pay per view so your boy has been tirelessly staying up late watching hours of professional wrestling for you my adoring fives of readers.

Big Cass VS Daniel Bryan
This feud has served as nothing more than to get Daniel Bryan's feet wet again after his time off. That said I don't really have high hopes for this match. Bryan is amazing in the ring, a pretty fiery promo and as for Big Cass, he is quite tall.
"I am quite tall."
I would expect this to be a pretty quick affair as there are so many matches on the card and the two ladder matches.
Winner: Daniel Bryan

Elias VS Seth Rollins (Intercontinental Title)
When Elias was in NXT I absolutely hated him. Since getting called up however he has been amazing and has the crowd eating out the palm of his hand.
Seth Rollins has been the MVP of Raw and in the absence of Brock Lesnar he has helped elevate the Intercontinental title to the top title on the Raw brand. I think that the time has come to transition Rollins back to the top of the card and for him to make a run to be the champion again. I think he drops the title to Elias here but only by some act of villainy by the Drifter.
Winner: Elias

Bobby Lashley VS Sami Zayn
This feud right here, I mean...yikes. It has been hot garbage. And that's probably being disrespectful to garbage. This hasn't been on Sami though, he's doing the best with the material given and his ability to play such an irritating heel has been quite the revelation. Bobby Lashley...sigh. This guy since returning has been so damn...BORING.
"Maybe if I dance it'll distract from how boring Lashley is."
He is at his best when he is a arrogant asshole. Even his finisher since coming back has been boring. I mean come on, a delayed vertical suplex? What the hell. This match is gonna end in one way though, Sami doing the job. Hopefully this leads to a heel turn by Lashley.
Winner: Lashley

Jinder Mahal VS Roman Reigns
This hasn't been as bad a feud as it would seem on paper. It's mostly been Jinder getting the crap kicked out of him by an unhinged Reigns which is the gimmick that Reigns should have. A Samoan bad ass who doesn't talk much and just runs out, punches you in the face until your will to continue has been depleted. However, because I am a man who loves the chaos I could see Jinder winning with a little help from the remaining Singh brother.
Winner: Jinder Mahal

Asuka VS Carmella (Smackdown Women's Championship)
Now looking at this you'd assume Askua is going to saunter out and choke out Carmella before her fancy robe has even hit ground.
And you would not be wrong to think this, however I think that having her so dominant will mean one thing...Carmella will get herself disqualified, so she will lose the battle but win the war. This allows the feud to continue and Asuka gets her first title win at Summerslam.
Winner: Asuka (By DQ)

Ronda Rousey VS Nia Jax (Raw Women's Championship)
This match has been built so poorly. It came off a challenge on the red carpet out of nowhere by Nia Jax, not to mention she has completely squandered all the sympathy she gained during the feud with Alexa Bliss as she has now become the bully. Rousey is just far too inexperienced to be getting a title shot but hey, this is where we are at. So given this, I say that Rousey gets the win, as she is celebrating, someone's music hits and its the Women's Money in the Bank winner to cash in and take the belt before there's even a chance to change the name plate.
Winner: Rousey

Shinuske Nakamura VS AJ Styles (WWE Title)
This match should be the last time these two fight for a while. Since turning heel I think the casual fan is getting a taste of the weird ass jerk that Nakamura was in the early days of Chaos. AJ Styles while being one of, if not the best in ring wrestler going today he is starting to get stale as champ. I feel like the time has come now to let the era of Swagsuke begin.
I think this should play up the strikes of Nakamura and really create that strong style aura. Perhaps knees him in the face until the crowd is legit uncomfortable and there is a referee stoppage.
Winner: Nakamura

Ember Moon vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Lana vs. Naomi vs. Sasha Banks (Women's Money In the Bank Ladder Match)
While the favorite should probably be Charlotte my pick for winner kind of coincides with the winner of the Raw Women's Championship, so sorry ladies of Smackdown this is not your year to win the briefcase. Although I am excited to see what kind of feat of athleticism Naomi and Ember Moon pull off.

This year the winner of the Money in the Bank match is going to be Natalya, who then at her friend's biggest moment will strike and leave Chicago with the Raw Women's Title.
Winner: Natalya

Braun Strowman VS Finn Balor VS Bobby Roode VS Kevin Owens VS The Miz VS Samoa Joe VS Rusev VS The New Day (Member TBA) (Men's Money In the Bank Ladder Match)
I have a few people who I would love if they won, Kofi Kingston in particular. However I think this is gonna be a match that comes down to two people. Braun Strowman and Samoa Joe. Given the lack of heels in the main event scene over on Smackdown I would use that as a tie breaker and the Samoan named Joe will emerge with the briefcase.
Joe really might kill you.
In my heart of hearts though I really want the Miz to win but I think he is slowly heading to a program with Daniel Bryan.
Winner: Samoa Joe

Well there you have it folks, another pay per view successfully prognosticated. I really spoil you all with these you know? Let us all celebrate by dancing with the IIconics. Take it away ladies!

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

NXT Takeover Chicago

Hot damn it's that time again, NXT is taking the show on the road to a place near and dear to the old Puma's heart. As usual NXT is coming to steal the show in such a way it will probably make the main roster look bad by comparison. Without further delay I give you my predictions on the show.

Nikki Cross VS Shayne Bayzler (NXT Women's Championship)
Not a ton of build to this match but it should still be a good one regardless. Bayzler has bullied the entire women's division since taking the title from Ember Moon but given the chaotic character that is Nikki Cross she may have to find another tactic.
I can see Bayzler getting easily frustrated by Cross' unpredictability but in the end I expect Bayzler to win but it will be in a way that extends this feud.
Winner: Bayzler

Ricochet VS Velveteen Dream
This is the match that I am most excited for the entire weekend probably. Ricochet has long been one of my favorites more from his days in New Japan teaming with Taguchi to form Funky Future and Velveteen Dream has been a revelation. Taking a character I thought would flop immediately and giving us on of the top feuds in all of 2017 against Aleister Black. Given that both men once inside the squared circle can go, you are going to see a match that features athleticism and just in ring charisma that no other match will be able to.
I could do that if I wanted to. 
In the end I think Velveteen will get the win as he is probably most in need of a win in a high profile feud.
Winner: Velveteen Dream

Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch VS The Undisputed Era (NXT Tag Team Championship)
This is going to be a great match to catch your breath to. That's not to say it's going to be boring but all the guys in this one are very straight forward and smash you in the mouth basically. I love that Lorcan and Burch are starting to get a little bit of a push and seen as a threat, and the overall dickishness of the Undisputed Era may be my favorite thing in wrestling right now.
What a dick.
I would expect a win by the Era, possible with interference from Bobby Fish who has to be close to returning.
Winner: The Undisputed Era

Tommaso Ciampa VS Johnny Gargano (Chicago Street Fight)
This is probably not going to be the final battle between these two but it probably should be for a while. This feud is starting to grow a touch stale, that said I think it's going to be a very entertaining and brutal match. Tommy Entertainment aka Ciampa is operating on the next level as a heel. And there is no better babyface in peril than Gargano. I expect Ciampa to get the win and tie their series up at one apiece.
Winner: Tommaso Ciampa

Lars Sullivan VS Aleister Black (NXT Championship)
Lars Sullivan has been getting a mega push lately as the next big bad and I don't really see it. I mean he's very good but just not interesting outside of his feud with Killian Dain. As for Black this is gonna be a great test for him going against the larger opponent who has shown he can avoid the Black Mass spinning heel kick.
In the end I would expect Black to work the base on the Freak from the Rocky Mountains and get him to succumb to the Black Mass.
Winner: Aleister Black

Well folks there you have it, just one man's humble opinion on how the night is going to go. As is tradition I'll probably get them all wrong but hey, enjoy that free content yo.  

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Great Debate Rages Onward Pt. 3,953

It's weird that every year I feel like it has to be said but here we are with a tradition unlike any other, when I, the Puma of Chocolate Origins has to take off your rose colored glasses in regards to a debate that frankly we should all be sick of. That's right the annual who is the greatest basketball player of all time debate.
No, not you silly! 
Now while I think the Michael Jordan is the GOAT, there is a case to be made for one LeBron Raymone James Sr. I'm here to break it down for you a bit if you're one of these there is no way this can be true people.

Statistics:
They are pretty comparable statistically. Points per game, Jordan has the edge with an average of 30.1 while LeBron has an average of 27.2. James has the edge however in rebounds per game, assists per game, and shoots a higher percentage from the field.
Let's take a look at the stats shall we?
If you do a deep dive into some of the more advanced stats (analytics holla!) you'll see they have an almost identical player efficiency rating (Jordan- 27.9, James-27.7) The one that stood out the most to me was his value over replacement player, in short it takes a player's scoring averages over 100 possessions and compares that to the average player's statistics. Jordan had an astounding 104.4 VORP. LeBron has a VORP of 124.9. Yikes.

Supporting Cast:
One of the things that people seem to want to overlook is, Jordan had a pretty solid supporting cast and a superior coach. During the first three peat Jordan had a crew of Scottie Pippen, an NBA Hall of Famer, Horace Grant, an All Star forward, and solid shooters like Craig Hodges, BJ Armstrong and John Paxson. In LeBron first trip to the finals he drug Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Anderson Varejao, Drew Gooden, Larry Hughes, Donyell Marshall along with him.
Larry by God Hughes was the sidekick on a Finals team. 
The Miami years swung the advantage to LeBron, but his return to Cleveland has had a much less stellar group. During the 2nd 3 peat for the MJ led Bulls he had Pippen, Dennis Rodman, and Toni Kukoc with Ron Harper providing veteran defense. LeBron had Kyrie Irving who while being one of the top 3 point guards in the league was injured quite a bit and Kevin Love who also battled injuries. Advantage: Jordan. 

Intangibles:
Most recently after a game 1 collapse by the Cavs a moment on the bench where LeBron is downright furious has gone viral. I totally understand that frustration but some in the media has said it's unbecoming of someone who would be king. 
MJ was not always the most composed.
Well you know what else can be considered unbecoming of the GOAT? The time MJ punched Steve Kerr in the face, or the time he punched Will Perdue in the face, or tormenting Kwame Brown, or tormenting Bill Cartwright. And these were his teammates! Say what you will but you have to admit James is a way better teammate than Jordan. 

NBA Finals Performances:
This is the big thing. Michael Jordan never lost in the finals. A perfect 6 for 6. Lebron has a record of 3-5 in the finals, and possibly 3-6. While that's huge, what is often overlooked that in his 15 seasons, LeBron has led his team to the Finals 9 times. Over half of his career he has contended for a title. That's damn astonishing. 
This children is what is known as a flex.
And while Finals are important should the ultimate team accomplishment be the end all statistic for determining the ultimate individual honor? If that was the case Bill Russell and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would like a word. 

So it may seem like I am caping for LeBron, if you wanna call it that then go for it.I prefer to call it what it actually is, a fair assessment.  Mike is my favorite player and in my eyes the GOAT, but he was not without flaw. When you constantly move the goalposts for one player and the other player is given ALL the benefit of the doubt it just gets annoying. All right, I'm gonna go to bed because I have to go to work tomorrow. 


Thursday, May 31, 2018

May's Sit Your Ass Down Award

Welcome back loyals fives of readers. It's that time where I pour through my pettiest tweets, texts and articles I have read to find the person I have deemed worthy of not only having a very tall glass of "shut the hell up," but also the person who has earned the right to be told to please sit your ass down. This month's winner is a relative new comer to the consciousness of old Puma here. Ladies and gentlemen welcome up to the dais Mr. Hamilton Nolan. Oh Hammy, grab this seat and sit your ass down.

Not familiar with who Mr. Nolan is?
Not really him, just what I imagine him to look like.
Allow me to learn ya. He writes for splinternews.com and this week he wrote something that was so bad it would make your dear old granny vomit in rage. What did he write you may be asking? Well a lovely piece titled "Obama Sucks As a Post-President." If you have a moment to read it and aren't easily angered I'd say give it a look because your boy...was heated. Aside from this being a flaming bale of garbage I took umbrage with a few lines more than others.

In regards to post presidency in general: "It is a chance to do more meaningful work than you could accomplish in the White House. It is, in a very real way, a chance to pay back America for its belief in you"
Ok first of all, fuck you. You know what I'm getting ahead of myself. This smacks of some old condescending ass "we gave this to you," when he had to become president of the Harvard Law Review, a constitutional law professor, a State Senator, and a US Senator before earning his job at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. So please miss me with "pay back America" line. The talented Monique Judge of the Root was able to convey that much better than I could.

"Jimmy Carter, who is viewed as a moral authority today far more than he was as president, is commonly cited as the best example of how to use post-presidential life for the common good."
Jimmy Carter has been out of office since the early Paleolithic era! Of course he's done more post presidency, he's been out of office 37 years! Obama has been done for a year and a half. How about you let the damn man relax after having the most stressful job on the planet. 

"We don’t just need Obama to speak out against Trump’s policies—we need someone with his credentials to actively demonstrate grace." 
Do I think we could use some of Obama's grace and class? Absolutely. Does he owe it to us? Hell no. For 8 years he offered us that, and in return the electorate chose a draft dodging, amoral cheeto as it's president. The fact he hasn't had a Ray Patterson style rant at all of our expense is downright classy of him. Who's Ray Patterson?


"So what did Barack Obama, one of the most famous men in the world, the immediate past leader of the world’s most powerful nation, do as soon as he left office, to demonstrate his commitment to solving these issues? He went on a kite surfing vacation with a billionaire. Then he got a $65 Million Dollar book deal. And then, this week, he signed a deal to produce shows for Netflix."
He's enjoying his life and making money? ARGH!!!
Uh what? So you wanted him to stop being president and immediately go back to doing the job of the president? Are you out your damn mind? He had more death threats than any president before him, had his wife called apes, children denigrated and because you have deemed him the Bagger Vance of the political world he can't go parasailing with Richard Branson? You're lucky I wasn't president, my first day post presidency I would be milly rocking with the cast of Atlanta at the BET Awards.
"Mr. President! Stop milly rocking on the ambassador!"
"Barack Obama: your life is not just about you. Get your fucking shit together man."
My actual reaction when I read this line.
Actually his life is about him and his family. You get your shit together, mind your business, and figure out this mess on your own. My mans tried to warn you, you didn't want to listen, now we all screwed. You. Fix. It. Also why aren't you asking George W. Bush what he's up to? Last I heard he was rehabilitating his image by painting cats and staring longingly at Michelle Obama.


Well folks, that's all I got. I didn't expect that to get so intense but here we are.


Friday, May 25, 2018

My 5 Favorite Non WWE Wrestlers Right Now At This Moment In Time


Ah yes, it's that time of year where my wife has gone to sleep for the evening and I'm wide awake watching youtube videos of random ass wrestling matches from across the globe. It's in this spirit that I give you 5 wrestlers who may not be on the radar (and some who may be) who are doing some ridiculous work right now. Also don't ask where Keith Lee is because rumor has it he has signed with the WWE so in the hopes of willing this to happen I have omitted him from this particular list.

5. WALTER
Kicking off the list we have the big Austrian. He's currently the PWG champion and pretty much most of the upper card in the WWE succeeded in PWG. The big man is  the epitome of the hard hitting powerhouse.
However he is surprisingly light on his feet, and has gone toe to toe with big guys such as the aforementioned Keith Lee, technical wizards such as Zack Sabre Jr. (One of those matches receiving a five star rating from Dave Meltzer) and high fliers like Ricochet. If he went to NJPW you know he'd be a mega star and I wouldn't be shocked if he ended up there as he was trained by the Stone Pitbull himself Tomohiro Ishii.

4. Hiromu Takahashi
Hiromu is what one would call an interesting fella. That being said whatever "it" is, he has it. And he has it in spades. He has the slightly demented charisma that you just can't take your eyes off the guy of he is in the ring and the fact he has a stuffed cat named Darryl that accompanies him to the ring is just outstanding. Inside the ring, hot diggity damn is he a sight.
He's already had damn near classic bouts with some of the foremost Junior Heavyweights in the world such as Kushida, Will Ospreay, and Ricochet. He uses a mix of both high flying moves from his days in Mexico and some more traditional ground based offense from his days in the New Japan dojo. Definitely catch up on some of the matches by the man known as the ticking time bomb.

3. Stokely Hathaway
While not a classic in ring performer this is going to be one of my first inclusions that is mainly a manager. This guy is amazing. His facial expressions, promos on the mic, just flawless execution on all accounts. I am mainly familiar with his work in Ring of Honor as the manager of Moose and in Evolve as the manager of Timothy Thatcher.

He's a throwback of sorts, a loudmouth little guy who generally has the ear of some of the most dominant wrestlers at his disposal. If the WWE was smart a commitment to managers leading wrestlers should happen and this is the man who could be the top of the mountain.

2. Toni Storm
So if you are a voracious viewer of the WWE network you are probably familiar with Toni Storm. She competed in last year's Mae Young Classic and just from that she become my 2nd favorite competitor in the tournament not named Kairi Sane (sup Bianca Bel Air.)
She has all the charisma in the world and once in the ring, hot damn can she go. And not the moves of the late 90s divas, no , no, no Toni Storm is bringing pile-drivers and strong style baby. Given the fact she is only 22 the sky is the limit for this young lady.

1. Minoru Suzuki
Now in terms of will he ever be signed by the WWE the answer is no. He's 49 years old and works a to be honest almost sadistic style. A legit shoot fighter with 50 MMA bouts under his belt he is the leader of in my opinion the best heel stable in all of pro wrestling Suzuki-gun.
Sidenote: the mentor and mentee vibe he and Zack Sabre Jr is probably one of my favorite things in all of wrestling. Seriously, check out when they tag together and let it warm your heart as they attempt to maim their opponents. He constantly insults the crowds, dismisses his opponents and in my opinion he is the top heel in all of New Japan.

Well there you have it wrestling fans. Take this time you have off to watch a lot of wrestling...or spend time with your family. Whatever. I'm not your boss.