Wednesday, March 22, 2017

The Not So Curious Case of Colin Kaepernick

So this free agency period of the NFL has been quite interesting. The most interesting part for me as I write this, isn't who signed for what, but why hasn't Colin Kaepernick been signed yet?
Here you have a guy who has gone to a super bowl, a conference championship and last year while coming off an injury in 12 games threw for 2,241 yards, 16 touchdowns to just 4 interceptions and a 90.4 QB rating while also rushing for 468 yards and 2 additional touchdowns; yet he can't even get brought in for visit. In a quarterback starved league you'd think teams would be salivating, yet they are not.

First and foremost in the NFL, black quarterbacks rarely are given second chances. Don't believe me?
Warren Moon had to spend 6 years in the CFL for his FIRST chance.
Greg Howard of Deadspin did an amazing job detailing this, it's a bit of a read but you'll get the point. Hell one of the 3 greatest quarterbacks of all time, Warren Moon (fight me if you disagree) had to play 6 seasons in the CFL before even getting a sniff  with the Oilers. And he STILL went on to have a Hall of Fame career in the NFL. In that time quarterbacking luminaries such as Jeff Komlo, Joe Pisarcik, and Marc Wilson all got MULTIPLE chances. Who are they? Exactly.

I bring that up to say that we very well may have seen the last of Colin Kaepernick in the NFL.
Josh McCown just signed to his 7th NFL team. SEVEN
You see quarterbacks such Ryan Fitzpatrick, Josh McCown and Brock Osweiler will get multiple chances but the fact Kaep is a black quarterback teamed with him using his platform to to bring attention to social problems has made him weirdly untouchable. The great irony of it all is Kaepernick is essentially everything that you ask an athlete to be. Someone who uses his platform to help those less fortunate, his protest was literally taking a knee, he didn't boast about it, it only came up when he was asked about it but somehow that's worst the drunk drivers, domestic abusers, etc.

If this is based purely on talent and on the field play, there is absolutely no way you can give me a logical reason why Kaep is not on an NFL roster. Each team carries at least 2 quarterbacks, most carry 3, so for the sake of argument there are at least 64 spots available.
68.3 Rating? Get your ass over here and sign!
You mean to tell me you'd rather have Josh McCown, Nick Foles, Matt Barkley, or Landry Jones? If you tell me that then you're telling me one of three things, you're a liar, you don't watch football, or it's not about on the field play.

I can admit that he may not be a top level starter but you have to admit that he definitely is talented enough to be in the league. If you don't believe that he belongs in the league then at least be honest enough to admit that it has nothing to do with on the field play and examine yourself.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

March's If You Don't Sit Your Ass Down Award

So it would appear that the moment is finally upon us to present the Golden Ethan Allen to someone. Boy we have some highly qualified candidates who can rightfully be given a royal side eye and told to check themselves, lest they wreck themselves. Well folks I think you'll agree with this month's choice. I wasn't going to choose this person but a few days ago he said something so remarkably stupid it knocked the person I had chosen clear off the list. You got lucky this time Lena Dunham.

The man who is this month's recipient is.... Dr. Ben Carson! Ben, get your slow mumbling ass up here so you can sit your ass down!

Boy I don't even know where to begin with this guy. First of all I hadn't forgotten that he called the glorious institution and amazing beacon of poultry perfection "Popeyes" a Popeyes organization.
PUT SOME RESPECK ON IT!
 Sir I will not stand idly by as you refuse to put some respect on this fine chain's name. And to make it worse he was bragging about sending some poor cashier a one way ticket to Armed Robbery Station. That's not a good thing you sentient sloth!

And then this week, the dear doctor said one of the most idiotic and downright stupid things I've ever heard in my entire life. While speaking to HUD employees he said...ahem, and I quote: "There were other immigrants who came here in the bottom of slave ships, worked even longer, even harder for less."

Pretty damn stupid right? When I heard these comments I wanted to use my gifted hands to give the good doctor a gift of my own.
Ben...you Eyore inspired ding bat. An immigrant is not a person forcibly brought over and forced to work. And no matter how hard or how long they worked they weren't doing it for less because of some form of work ethic, they were doing it because they'd die if they didn't work.What you're doing with comments like this is downplaying the brutality of slavery and comes off as trying to whitewash the past sins of this country.

So for your remarkably tone deaf and historically inaccurate comments (not to mention the passive disrespect of Popeyes) I present you with this...

Ben...Sit your ass down!

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

9 Years of Excellence!



On February 27, 2008 I posted a blog post in my newly christened blog where I called out the hypocrisy of Natalie Cole criticizing Amy Winehouse. Nine years later I’m still typing away, sometimes angrily, sometimes happily, but all the time I’m just being me. Who would have thought that a decade ago when the moniker of the Chocolate Puma was bestowed upon me by my good friend Kevin that 1. I’d still be going by that and 2. I’d have a blog by the same name for 9 of those years. It is in this spirit that I present to you the 9 of my most random thoughts at the current moment given that this was the initial goal when I started this, a place for my random thoughts. 

9.  Given the uncertain times, and just straight up fuckery in which we are constantly being inundated with, seeing the good people of Moonlight win was a moment that completely warmed my soul. And of course the petty part of me loved seeing the Oscar ripped away from La La Land which was wildly hilarious.
He had a black ass year.
8. I know many people are not a fan of the trade that sent Boogie Cousins to Sacramento but I love it. I think that this makes New Orleans a wildly attractive landing spot for free agents.
Teaming with Anthony Davis, together they are averaging a combine 58 points per game and this is only after 3 games. Give them time and Alvin Gentry could have a formidable team in the West soon. They’ll at least be wildly entertaining.

7.  I’m seeing a ton of hot takes after Casey Affleck won the Oscar for best actor. Some of the more trash takes center around Nate Parker getting snubbed come award season. Some are even going as far as to blame black feminists for the snub, and asking where the outrage over Affleck was. Look, if you’re arguing that Nate Parker should have gotten shine because Affleck did, you’re an asshole. You should want the same thing to happen to Affleck and not access to the right to be a predator. 

6. Donald Trump can’t properly tie his tie and he orders a dry aged steak well done with ketchup on it. That’s ya’ll man.

IT"S NOT HARD TO DO THIS CORRECTLY!
5. There are very few things on the planet earth that O hate more than shitty acoustic covers of hip-hop songs. I heard some guitar strumming moron covering Kendric Lamar's 'King Kunta.' It made me so angry I almost drove to a Guitar Center and slapped the first person I saw buying a guitar.
These songs stand on their own, you're not doing it favor by slowing it down and adding a your wailing over a slow strumming of your guitar. Leave hip-hop alone.

4. Anyone who has read me for any amount of time will tell you I am a nerd of the highest order. I long have abandoned going out in order to watch documentaries or crime shows. If there is anything I can recommend to you from the depths of my nerdy ass soul, is to get into the Star Wars Darth Vader comics and do it right damn now.
I don't even care if you don't like comic books, go buy the damn book and revel in the bad assness of one Darth Jerome Vader.

3. For the first time in recent history I wasn't asked the dumb ass question that every black person gets asked in February. "Why is there a black history month? How come there's no white history month?" A quick google search could really help you out. There are numerous months dedicated to the history of ell everyone. If you are too lazy to google then keep your dumb ass question to yourself. It's not my job to educate you.

2. Wrestling fans, do yourself a favor, look up the work that Cody Rhodes is doing particularly in New Japan and Ring of Honor. His "American Nightmare" character is just a work of art and plays on the moniker of the "American Dream" that his father Dusty Rhodes portrayed for years. If he WWE is smart, they'll beg him to come back, put him in the main event where he should have been and continue his masterful work as the American Nightmare.


And last but not least...
1. We are closing in the time when the home of the Chocolate Puma will be welcoming in the Chocolate Cub. I'm consistently racked with anxiety, fear, and excitement. Do I have any idea what I am doing now or will I then? Not at all. But my excitement and eagerness to give this kid all I got and more shall make this an amazing time. Also it doesn't hurt when your wife is smarter than you. 

Alright take it easy peeps.
   

Thursday, February 9, 2017

February's If You Don't Sit Your Ass Down Award!

Ah yes here we are, February is upon us and that means it's time for my "If You Don't Sit Yo Ass Down" Award. There have been no shortage of contenders for this prestigious award and I really have spent a good amount of time trying to decide who would receive the Golden Seat. It came down to two people so I'll highlight the silver medalist in this Olympics of dumbassery.

Come grab your runner up prize Mitch McConnell you turtle faced bastard.
Said the senator about his upcoming race, "Slow and steady, easy does it."
I have had quite a problem with the esteemed senator from Kentucky for quite a while. This week he decided to up his cartoonish super villain type of shenanigans when he decided to silence Elizabeth Warren. Mitch McConnell looks like he was Mason Verger's stunt double in "Hannibal."
The resemblance is uncanny.
So whether it's willfully not working to do what's best for the American people or doing his best to sound like an Emperor Palpatine reject, Ol' Mitchy here can have all of the seats.

Now on to the cherry in this shit sundae. I present to you, the person whom I wish would line right up and pick up this lovely seat so he can sit his ass firmly down....DAN FOUTS! Get your bearded ass up here so you can sit your ass down!
He can finally say he won something! 
Now I guess Mr. Fouts can share this award with the rest of the ass clowns who did not vote Terrell Owens into the Hall of Fame but since he was the most vocal to speak out he can the one who can have a seat. First off let's get this out the way, T.O. was an ass clown.
I'll admit, this was pretty fun.
That being said he was also one of the most physically dominant NFL players of his era. The Hall of Fame isn't the teammate Hall of Fame, it's based on numbers. And T.O. put up numbers. Over 1,000 receptions, 10,000 receiving yards, and 153 receiving touchdowns. He was a 6 time Pro Bowler and 5 times was All NFL First Team. HOW IS THAT NOT HALL OF FAME WORTHY?!?! According to Ol' Danny Boy:
"I think his numbers are very worthy, but again on the other side of it, I think his actions on and off the field, on the sidelines, in the locker room, and the fact he played for so many teams and was such a great player, the question that comes back to me is if he was such a great player, why did so many of those teams get rid of him? And I think we all know the answers."
What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. About. I'm not gonna pretend he wasn't a headache for teams, possibly why he moved around a though a ton of those moves came well after his prime. I mean we're not gonna punish Jerry Rice for ending up on the Seahawks practice squad are we? Also, what off the field actions? For all his on the field antics which mainly consisted of celebrating a touchdown, he has never so much as gotten a speeding ticket off the field. In fact he is one of the guys that should be propped up for seemingly being a decent human off the field. I'd rather have a headache in the locker room than a perfect teammate like say, oh I don't know Darren Sharper.

So stop with this fake moral policing and be honest with us Dan. Just say you don't like the man because you don't hear a single word when some crooked owner is up for induction. So for all your mental gymnastics and making yourself the face of irrational logic I present you with this Danny.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

What President Obama Meant To The Puma



As I sit to write this we are in the waning days of the Obama presidency I am sure there will be many think pieces on how he was an unmitigated failure or how he was the greatest president of all time. 

The first ever ball is life president
I’ll leave those to people much smarter than I to hash out. What I would like to do however is say what the man meant to me, so if you’re gonna read this and comment on how he is a socialist or a Kenyan Muslim who is intent on killing our grandparents this is where you get off. 

I first heard the man when I was in high school. He came and spoke and I was just in awe with how calm and relaxed he was, he was unlike any other speaker we had before. At the time he was a state senator and I thought to myself “wow, maybe this guy can be mayor one day.” Even that seemed like a long shot. I’d see him around Hyde Park, give a head nod and he’d return it in kind. I’ll be able to tell my kid I shared the universal sign of respect between two black men with the man who would be president. 

Fast forward a few years and he was running for US Senate. I was at North Park University when a debate between him and Alan Keyes took place. I skipped Journalism that night (Sorry Dave) and tried to get in. While unsuccessful I did get to see Alan Keyes as he left, I extended my hand to shake his, he walked right by. A few minutes later Obama strolled out, I extended my hand and lo and behold he hit a brother with the intricate dap and pull in.  The homie Barry hadn’t gotten too Hollywood on us.

After a rousing speech at the Democratic Convention and winning a seat in the US Senate there were murmurs that he could be a great candidate for President. I laughed. Then I thought what if he won? Nah it would never work I remember thinking. I have never been so happy to be wrong.
I remember sitting in Grant Park that night with my friends Julia, Kelly and Cooper anxiously awaiting the results.
Moments before the tears started flowing.
As it became more and more evident that he was about to become the 44th President of the United States, anger inside me grew. I was mad at him for having his speech outside. I sat there so scared that I was going to watch some psycho take away this representation of hope and joy. It’s a fear that I still have to this day if we’re being quite honest. I was so angry and scared, but he was and remains to this day so hopefully optimistic. It’s a trait I wish I had. 

Whether you like the man or not, I think we can all agree that he put up with more than any other president has before him. He had his wife called names and likened to animals, people who I’m not sure can read past a 3rd grade level asking to see his college transcripts, his beautiful daughters called everything but their names, even questioning if he was a true citizen of this country. He could have said “kiss my ass” as I would have done but he handled it with style and grace.
He worked with a congress that before he uttered a single word as commander in chief publicly made it known that their sole mission was to make him a one term president. He dealt with more threats against his life than anyone else and through it all he has kept his optimism and faith in the American people.

I remember as a young kid, I must have been 8 or so, I said in class that I wanted to be president. A kid turned around, looked at me and said “black people can’t be president.” After Barack Obama my kid will know that nothing, not even the presidency is unattainable.
You can be a guy with a funny name, who loves hip-hop, and is an unabashed basketball fanatic and you can be president. That representation matters.

While I can’t speak for every black person or tell them how they should feel I for one am happy to have had him as a president.And for one last time let us all lock arms, and swag surf to the old negro spiritual one last time.


Thursday, January 12, 2017

January's If You Don't Sit Yo Ass Down Award!



Ah welcome back my loyal tens of readers; it’s a new year and the same ridiculous Puma here. I’d like to say that as I’ve grown older I am more measured and more mature. I’d like to say that. The truth is I am as petty as I have ever been. In fact I’d say as I grow older my super power has been my pettiness. It’s in this spirit that I present to you the first person to receive what will be a monthly installment I hope. I present to you January’s recipient of the “If You Don’t Sit Your Ass Down Award.”

This month’s recipient is a man that needs a bit of an introduction because frankly before this incident no one remembered or had heard of him. Bo Bice…Get yo ass up here so you can sit your ass down! 
If you don't get the...
If you are unaware why he may be receiving this prestigious award, I’ll bring you up to speed. Mr. Bice went to a Popeye’s, ordered food and was insulted and shall I say massively disrespected by the slur “white boy.” Wait… what? Hold on a second. 

Ok so let me get this straight, this wing ding is on tv literally crying because a Popeye's cashier said the horribly offensive line “He’s already got his — that white boy there.” He further went on to say: "If the tables had been turned and I used something as insensitive like that… I would be boycotted, there would be people not buying my albums." Hate to break the news to you champ but they weren't buying your albums anyway. Is this guy serious? Let me tell you I've been to that airport and he got off lucky if that's all he was called. 

Jokes aside, so you got your feelings hurt because she said you were a white boy? Bo, buddy, pal, being called white isn't a slur, or was it the boy part, the point is calm your crying ass down. At work I got called a nigger. This wasn't some long time ago, this was September. Hell last week I had another person ask me to teach them how to speak in ebonics. While not many come right out with the "n" bomb, little microagressions like the ebonics line are a daily occurrence. And guess what sport, I'm not special in this regard. I can't even tell you what a minority woman goes through as they get hit with the daily double of racism and sexism.

“Look through the comments of hate and ignorance that have been pouring in and tell me there isn’t a problem with race relations going on in our society, folks.”
You make a good point Bo, there is a problem with relations in this country, unfortunately for you this ain't it. I hope you cry just as hard when studies show black men with college degrees have the same chances for hire that fresh out of prison white men  or when banks use discriminatory lending practices that harm minorities. If you don't then by all means feel free to use this:


Monday, December 19, 2016

College Athletes Owe You Not One Dime.



One of the things that drives me absolutely insane is an unearned sense of entitlement. Today’s culprits of exhibiting such behavior would be college football fans and writers who are dusting off their moral soap boxes to condemn Christian McCaffrey who has decided to sit out the very prestigious* Sun Bowl. 
He has a few more of these in him for free right?
Now I’ve gone on record numerous times saying that college athletes should be paid and not to be repetitive but if you want guys to play in a meaningless game then you should…PAY THEM. If you don’t pay them, you can’t be mad at them when they take the necessary steps to prepare for the next phase of their career. 

But Puma, they get paid in an education you may be saying. I will counter with this. Say you have a student who is on an academic scholarship. This student is also a teacher’s assistant. Now because this student is providing a service to the university they are given a stipend. The athlete is doing the same thing.
Nothing to see here...
They are providing a service to the university because merchandise; concessions and ticket sales bring in big dollars. But because there is no respect for athletes and they’re seen in a lot of cases as idiots lucky to be on campus, they should shut up and not look out for themselves. 

Even former players are chiming in on this ridiculous non story. Ezekiel Elliott, currently killing it for the Dallas Cowboys said “I would do anything to play one more time with my brothers in that scarlet and gray.” That’s funny to me because he could be playing in college right now had he not gone pro early. 
Run and get paid young man.
I’m not knocking that decision just as he shouldn’t knock McCaffrey or Leonard Fournette for taking care of their bodies and deciding to sit out a meaningless bowl game to get ready for the NFL combine. 

Also I’m not sure if people know this but you can get really hurt playing football. I know it was surprising to me too. 
A sight no one wants to see.
Just google Jaylon Smith. He was projected to be a top 5 pick which would have at worst given him a 4 year fully guaranteed contract worth 23.5 million dollars.  Then in a bowl game that ultimately was meaningless, he destroyed his knee, dropped to the second round and received a contract of 4 years, 6.5 million dollars with 4.5 million guaranteed. Now after seeing that how anyone can be against a kid protecting his interests and his family's interests?

I love to watch college football, truly I do, but if a guy who is putting his body on the line and not being fairly compensated wants to put himself first for a change Young Puma respects it. As we see with coaches leaving at the drop of hat it appears the athletes are finally realizing that loyalty in the eyes of the NCAA is a one way street.

*Not prestigious at all, actually ridiculous.*