Friday, May 31, 2013

Open Letter to A Crotchety Old Man

Dear Barry Prismall,
First and foremost allow me to introduce myself, I am the Chocolate Puma and I gotta say your introduction to me could not have been a more unpleasant experience. I happened to be perusing the interwebs and came across a let’s call it “written” piece you posted about hip hop music. I put written in quotations because your work comes across as spewed after a drunken viewing of Chief Keef and Wacka Flocka Flame videos on BET uncut. I don’t even know where to begin with this broad, generalizing, and frankly uninformed rant against my favorite genre of music. Yes Mr. Prismall hip-hop is music.

First let’s start with your idea that of all the modern musicians today the only one worthy of your time is Pink. I’m sorry what?
Missundastood because she so deep.
 No disrespect to Pink but “Nah nah nah nah, I’m gonna start a fight” is not what one would call deep. Artists like Adele, James Blake, Killer Mike, and so on and so forth are equally worthy of your time, which you obviously don’t use researching the cultures you seem to love to slam.

Secondly, so because your daughter is young, and doesn’t listen to modern music is support that modern music is crap? Maybe your daughter has shitty taste in music? Again I say all this with respect.

You didn’t stop there even though you should have seen the Dom Deluise sized flaws in your agrgument. “Rap is an asylum for slightly agitated nobodies, getting restless with their limbs and getting intense and rich on a one-sided, egotistical conversation. Since when did a heavily choreographed troupe with a provocative dance routine and a heavily tattooed commentator ever properly illustrate a song?”

Really Prissy (Can I call you Prissy)? I am pretty sure you have not listened to well any hip-hop or any other genre of music because in your limited and small world you have yet to evolve to the point to accept that as music evolves it will sound different. You may not like it, you may like it, but I assure you sir that change is good. Hell even one of your favorite artists Bob Dylan is a fan. “These guys weren't standing around bullshitting... They were beating drums, tearing it up, hurling horses over cliffs. They were all poets and knew what was going on.” Yowza, I bet your face is red.

So I hope I have enlightened you but I am sure you’ll turn up the Knights in White Satin and tell me to get off your lawn so I’ll leave you with the words of Mr. Michael Ritter, you’d know him as Killer Mike if you did any research.

“I've never really had a religious experience, in a religious place. Closest I've ever come to seeing or feeling God is listening to rap music. Rap music is my religion. Amen”

“This is jazz, this is funk, this is soul, this is gospel, this is sanctified sex, this is player Pentecostal. This is church; front, pew, amen, pulpit, what my people need and the opposite of bullshit.”


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Random Musings

It’s been a long time friends, enemies and obsessed stalkers alike but guess what gang? Uncle Puma is back and he is ready to give you the truth you so desperately crave and dare I say it the truth that you need.

· The NBA playoffs have been quite revealing to me. The Thunder lose Russell Westbrook and struggle to beat the Rockets, on the verge of losing to the Grizzlies and exposing the less than great coaching of Scott Brooks at times. I know Mike Conley was excited to see the duo of Reggie Jackson and Derek Fisher across from him.

· Also who saw the Spurs-Warriors being the most exciting series of the playoffs so far? First off, the duo of Steph Curry and Klay Thompson has been amazing against the more experienced Spurs. Mark Jackson has a team on his hands that could be making noise in the playoffs for a long time to come. This series has also shown what happens when you get guys who fit your system and give them time to build a rapport. Who saw Danny Green as being a contributor on playoff team? Only Greg Popovich.

· I admire the heart of the Bulls but let’s be honest this just is not the year of the Bulls. Injuries have completely wrecked us but a positive that can be taken from this season playoff run has been the emergence of Tom Thibodeau as the best coach not named Greg Popovich.
What I tell ya'll about doubting me?
What other guy could take a team that had to start Nate Robinson, Marco Bellinelli, Nazr Muhammed and other scraps and rejects from other teams and take them to at least the second round of the playoffs?

· Is there a bigger fool on this earth than Mario Williams? Damn sir, what kind of simp gives a woman a ring worth $785,000?
Now see what had happened was....
And then you give up a credit card, on which she allegedly incurred $108,000 in charges. And to top this off, he spent $230,000 on "luxurious items" on his former fiancé. Wow. The simping life is real folks.

· Another life that is real is this getting arrested. I’m looking at you Titus Young. Holy hell getting arrested 3 times in one week. I certainly hope he gets the help he sorely needs because there has to be a mental reason for this downward spiral.
· Whoa stay classy Richard P. Sheridan.

Well gang that’s all I got for now but when this round of the NBA playoffs are over I will give you the preview and predictions that my people need and deserve!