Monday, November 17, 2008

Back in the day...

"In the end something terrible is going to happen. We will look back on these days with the kind of nostalgia that people have when talking about nickel movies. We'll look back and go, 'Oh, remember the days when all we worried about was the president blowing his load on someone's dress?'"

Jon Stewart said those prophetic words way back when in 1998. This was before we were mired in two wars and in the worst economic crisis in decades. Remember that year? Let me take you back there; the 1998 Winter Olympics were held in Nagano entertaining literally tens of Americans, the FDA approved Viagra much to the chagrin of gold diggers everywhere, and the greatest threat that the American people have ever faced surfaced. A man cheated on his wife. Not just any man though, this man was the president. A president got a little "love by mouth" by a woman who was not his wife. How could the good American God let this happen?

If you don't remember this case, allow me to refresh your memory. See in 1992 we the American people elected this super ritzy Rhodes Scholar to the office of president and all hell broke loose. Sure he signed the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 which required large employers to allow employees to take unpaid leave for pregnancy or a serious medical condition, signed the Brady Bill which imposed a five-day waiting period on handgun purchases, or that his presidency oversaw one of the largest surpluses in American history. This man was a chronic adulterer and as we all know, people in power have never cheated ever in the history of the world.

Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky. Not women who saw their chance to capitalize off sleeping with a powerful man. No, they were helpless victims in the web of lies and deceit spun by the Hillbilly from Hope. And the man smoked marijuana, that’s the devil's grass. Yes sir, the country was certainly in trouble.

Yet at our darkest hour in rode a hero from Crawford. Never mind that he was arrested for a DUI while in the Air Force reserves. Never mind that there are numerous rumors of past cocaine use, and an overall unimpressive academic career. No...there was something different about this man. I mean what else can be said about a man who told terrorists to "bring it on?" This man is the epitome of an American bad ass and he has no apologies about it.

While we struggled as a nation to find out what the best way to deal with terrorism on our own soil, this visionary not only got us into a war in Afghanistan, but midway during that war he got us into another war with Iraq. And his basis? All lies! That story about weapons of mass destruction? That was a work of pure art. And all of you going on and on about lying to start a war, get over it. He did what was best for the American people. And now as we sit on the verge of losing the great American leader, we can only look forward to some egg head with fancy degrees from Harvard to lead this nation.

Sigh...I bet he won't even refer to all terrorists as Islamic. And he calls himself Presidential material.

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