Monday, November 17, 2008

Back in the day...

"In the end something terrible is going to happen. We will look back on these days with the kind of nostalgia that people have when talking about nickel movies. We'll look back and go, 'Oh, remember the days when all we worried about was the president blowing his load on someone's dress?'"

Jon Stewart said those prophetic words way back when in 1998. This was before we were mired in two wars and in the worst economic crisis in decades. Remember that year? Let me take you back there; the 1998 Winter Olympics were held in Nagano entertaining literally tens of Americans, the FDA approved Viagra much to the chagrin of gold diggers everywhere, and the greatest threat that the American people have ever faced surfaced. A man cheated on his wife. Not just any man though, this man was the president. A president got a little "love by mouth" by a woman who was not his wife. How could the good American God let this happen?

If you don't remember this case, allow me to refresh your memory. See in 1992 we the American people elected this super ritzy Rhodes Scholar to the office of president and all hell broke loose. Sure he signed the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 which required large employers to allow employees to take unpaid leave for pregnancy or a serious medical condition, signed the Brady Bill which imposed a five-day waiting period on handgun purchases, or that his presidency oversaw one of the largest surpluses in American history. This man was a chronic adulterer and as we all know, people in power have never cheated ever in the history of the world.

Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky. Not women who saw their chance to capitalize off sleeping with a powerful man. No, they were helpless victims in the web of lies and deceit spun by the Hillbilly from Hope. And the man smoked marijuana, that’s the devil's grass. Yes sir, the country was certainly in trouble.

Yet at our darkest hour in rode a hero from Crawford. Never mind that he was arrested for a DUI while in the Air Force reserves. Never mind that there are numerous rumors of past cocaine use, and an overall unimpressive academic career. No...there was something different about this man. I mean what else can be said about a man who told terrorists to "bring it on?" This man is the epitome of an American bad ass and he has no apologies about it.

While we struggled as a nation to find out what the best way to deal with terrorism on our own soil, this visionary not only got us into a war in Afghanistan, but midway during that war he got us into another war with Iraq. And his basis? All lies! That story about weapons of mass destruction? That was a work of pure art. And all of you going on and on about lying to start a war, get over it. He did what was best for the American people. And now as we sit on the verge of losing the great American leader, we can only look forward to some egg head with fancy degrees from Harvard to lead this nation.

Sigh...I bet he won't even refer to all terrorists as Islamic. And he calls himself Presidential material.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Something Good...

In this day and age you hear so many stories about the youth of America being selfish, disrespectful, and basically a lost generation. But I heard about a story the other day that basically made me extremely proud to even be born in the same decdade as this person. Myron Rolle is a five star athlete, make no bones about it and that is not rare these days. But what is rare is that this young man is also a five star student. This would not be rare if it was at a school with a academic reputation such as a Stanford or Harvard. Myron Rolle goes to Florida State, not exactly the Oxford of the south. He came to Florida State as one of the top safeties in the nation and has not disappointed since he arrived on the campus of Tallahassee. But the real impressive accomplishment from this kid is that he is a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship. He is a 3.75 pre-med student who will finish his undergraduate degree in just two-and-a-half years. He is a National Leadership Honor Society inductee. he is the recipient of a $4,000 research grant for his work studying human mesenchymal stem cells and the facilitator of a health and living program at a charter school run by the Seminole Tribe of Florida. Basically he is everything that a young man should be. He may not recieve the Rhodes scholarship, but he has already raised the bar for young people when it so desperately needded to be.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Amrmadilloes Suck

Growing up as a young idiot in the south I had to find fun whereever I could. For instance, me and my friends would go and ride bikes. Well one of these days I was dared by a friend of mine to ride down an extremely steep hill with a sharp turn at the base of the hill. Being the type of person I was I of course said yes. I remember it was a warm day as the wind blew across the small southern town. I looked down the hill and it immediately regretted my decision. But my pride gave me courage, I looked around at my friends and pushed off and shot down the hill. I controlled the bike with ease and thought I may be able to survive. It was at that moment I hit a rock in the middle of the road, I began to frantically wobble and bounce. I knew what was next. SPLAT! I got up and began to dust myself off. I look up and who should be standing in the road but an armadillo. I looked at it and it looked at me and began to wobble towards me. I thought to myself that was weird, but I just picked my bike up and began to walk away. I looked behind me and I was defintely getting followed by the armadillo. I began to speed up, the armadillo sped up, I began to run, it began to run. I threw my bike to the side and took off running. I looked behind me and the armadillo was running as well, and moving quickly might I add. that's right, I got chased by an armadillo.

fuck you Dillo.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Life Lessons I Supose

At work we spoke of some bad dates that we have had over our lifetimes. I thinks I won with this trifecta of ridiculously bad dates over the course of one week. These are the details of those dates.

Lady: Gabriella, 21
Suggested by: Latoya (my twin)

Now Gabriella works with my sister and let’s just say that she did not let me forget that. The plan was to go to the movies and then get dinner. Although we saw the movie A Scanner Darkly (good movie by the way), and although the movie is dark, she somehow found a way to talk all throughout the movie and bring interior designing and her dreams of being a singer. Afterwards she tells me, “I don’t think I could ever be with someone who wasn’t vegan, are you a vegan?” After saying I was not, she explained to me the horrors animals go through. I then made the joke that for every animal she didn’t eat, I would eat three. She didn’t find it funny. Date over.

Lady: Stacy, 19
Suggested by: Rena (oldest sister)

Dinner at Café Iberico, an hour and a half of telling me how horrible her ex boyfriend was, she asks me how many children I want. Strike one. The she tells me she wants to get married within the next year. Strike two and three. Check please.

Lady: Karen, 21
Suggested by: Mittie (middle sister)

So as I picked this girl up, I was the most attracted to this girl. That said as soon as she got into the car, the first words out of her mouth was “I got a man already, I just want to teach him a lesson”. So I ended up sitting in a sports bar and drinking red bull vodkas and talking basketball with the bartender while she texted her boyfriend all night. Then got an attitude when I spoke to a girl I went to high school with, classy.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A New Day...

Somewhere a King who took us to the mountaintop is smiling.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop.
And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land! And so I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man!Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!!"
-Martin Luther King, Jr