Wednesday, August 21, 2013

NCAA: Where Clownish Actions Continue To Be The Norm.

Ah yes, you smell that? Why it’s time for young Puma to go insane on some hypocrisy being spewed by the NCAA. So sit back and hold on to your butts because this is about to get real. There is nothing in this world that angers me more than the NCAA. And by this I refer solely to the governing body of college athletics and not the games themselves. For years they have pimped the athletic exploits of teenagers to the tune of billions of dollars under the guise of “amateur” status and providing the kids an education. When in actuality the only thing amateur is clowns running the show and they do provide a very valuable education in that life isn’t fair. 

This isn’t a written to say pay college athletes, I have written that before. This is written just to show you the hypocrisy and ridiculousness of the NCAA. They love to spout the tales of the student-athlete and have even exploited cases of exceptional young people as an example that their way is the best way (see: Ray Ray McElrathbey). What they fail to mention is a lot of times in what is becoming the norm for the NCAA, they screw the kid over.

Let’s look at the tale of Jonathan Benjamin, a basketball player for University of Richmond who has long held the dream of creating the next Nike who has been deemed ineligible for attempting to follow his dream. You see after a class project to start his own company he expanded on the project and sunk his birthday money into it and began to actively pursue his own business with the advice of his professor. The NCAA found out about it and deemed him ineligible because: “A student-athlete may establish his or her own business, provided the student-athlete's name, photograph, appearance or athletics reputation are not used to promote the business.” Yep. Work hard for us, sell our merchandise, but the moment you try and do it for yourself which in no way conflicts with your NCAA obligations get the hell out of here.
"Working hard for yourself? Violates the NCAA spirit. Excuse me while I collect my 1.7 million dollar salary."
"Not to sound arrogant, but the football team won a national championship my freshman year, conference championship my sophomore year. The basketball team made the Sweet 16. We helped the school get publicity. Meanwhile, the academic side is telling us that this is a place to grow and spread your wings. Only we can't do that fully. And some of us were studying marketing!” Benjamin said.

Earlier this year Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops said fans don’t come to see the names on the back, they come to see the names on the front. That’s true when it comes to watching a game, when it comes to selling merchandise however the name on the back matters very much. Don’t believe me? 

The NCAA owns Muhammad. 
Even disgraced players can't get their names back.

The NCAA owns the name Clowney.

The NCAA owns the name Manziel.

And it’s not just about money, sometimes the NCAA does things that are just heartbreaking or cringe worthy. Take the case of Kerwin Okoro, an Iowa State basketball player who is transferring to Rutgers University. Usually a player has to sit for a year, even though coaches can move from school to school with no waiting but that’s another tale, there is a hardship provision that waives that year long wait. Now I don’t know what constitutes a hardship but I would venture a guess that losing your older brother to colon cancer and your father to a stroke and moving back to be close to your mother should be an acceptable reason to seek that provision. Not according to the NCAA. You can move back to take care of sick family members but damn it if they have passed away they could care less. Hasn’t this kid been through enough?

And these aren’t the only stories that will make you blood boil. Hell the NCAA tried to block a former marine from playing football because he played in a rec league while SERVING HIS COUNTRY! If anybody deserves to play football it’s the guy who put his damn life on the line ensuring the freedom of this ridiculous ass institution to block him from playing a game which that same ridiculous ass institution will turn around and sell his jersey and profit from his on the field play.

What a swell group of guys. How could you not defend these guys? Excuse me while I vomit.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Top Fantasy Tight Ends of 2013 Ya'll!

In my ongoing quest to give you all the information you need going into fantasy football drafts I am here to help out. Enjoy my loyal follower(s).

5. Rob Gronkowski: New England
You may be asking why the hell is the Gronk rated so low? Well yesterday it was announced he could go on the PUP list meaning he would miss at least 6 games. That said when healthy the Gronk is the best tight end in the league. He's one of those guys who does not stop and is actually good and not a scrappy hustler. So keep an eye on his health status as he could be a steal this year.

4. Tony Gonzalez: Atlanta

Gonzalez is literally someone who makes me sick. Not out of anything he's done, this is completely out of jealousy. This is a guy who is going into his 17th season in the league at one of the most physically demanding positions yet he still consistently is in the league leaders among tight ends in receiving yards and touchdowns. I certainly don't expect this to continue.

3. Jason Witten: Dallas
"The fuck I need a helmet for!?!"
 One of the best tight ends who is quickly reaching the Gonzalez level of me hating him is Jason Witten. This guy is one of the toughest guys on the field. Not only is he is tough, he's fucking good. He had over 1,000 yards and was one of the few bright spots in the Lone Star state last year. With Miles Simon on the down slope expect Witten to keep it up.

2. Vernon Davis: San Francisco
I think he is going to be an absolute monster this year. When Michael Crabtree went down with the ACL DAvis suddenly became the best friend of Kaepernick. Expect him to spend some time lining up at wide receiver and getting frequent targets when the many competent running backs and Kap get tired of running all over opposing defenses.

1. Jimmy Graham: New Orleans
Well number one on the tight end list is probably a shocker. Graham has been one of the top tight ends for the past few years but honestly the guy didn't really know how to play the position. As he gets more and more comfortable we could see a Gronk like explosion in the 2013 season. And it certainly doesn't hurt to have Drew Brees throwing the ball to you. 

Well folks only one more to go folks, follow my tips and you'll finish at least .500. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Wide Receiver Rankings of the Puma

In an ongoing expose of epic proportions the Chocolate Puma has taken the time to answer the question you didn't ask and give you his predictions of who to target for your fantasy football drafts. You're welcome.

5. Julio Jones: Atlanta
Let's justify the high price in auction leagues!
Last season he had 1,200 yards and 10 touchdowns and that was as the second option. I expect this season for those numbers to be somewhere around that range with Roddy White, Tony Gonzalez and the newly signed Stephen Jackson. Certainly looks like a good decision to part with all those draft picks to get this now.

4. A.J. Green: Cincinnati

Much like in college AJ Green and Julio Jones are near the top of the heap at their position. I expect Green to be a fantasy monster as there really isn't a clear second receiver in the Bengals lineup although tight end Jermaine Gresham and rookie Tyler Eifert will dip into his numbers I doubt it's enough to put a dent into his fantasy numbers. 

3. Dez Bryant: Dallas
A beast on the field, Dez Bryant will catch anything you throw his way and he'll do it with a broken finger as he did much of last season. Tony Romo's number one target will completely eviscerated opposing defenses in the second half of the season and I certainly expect that to continue. He had seven straight games with a touchdown and in three of those he had multiple trips to the endzone. 

2. Brandon Marshall: Chicago
We are not worthy.
Now this entry makes me happy as hell to write. As a Bears fan we haven't had much to gush over offensively for a few decades (where have you gone Curtis Conway?!) Marshall didn't burst on the scene as he has been doing this for years but last year ghe seemingly took it up a notch as the Bears primary receiver  consistently beating double teams or out muscling the competition. Alshon Jeffrey should be improved, Earl Bennett is a good slot guy but those guys aren't taking targets from Marshall anytime soon. Expect mega numbers again son!

1. Calvin Johnson: Detroit
Refer to last year's scouting report:
"Because he's fucking Megatron."

There you have it folks. The Puma is out!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Running Backs To Hitch your Wagon To

You thought I was gonna stop with quarterbacks? Child please! We move on to the running backs suckas!

5. Matt Forte: Chicago
Alright this may be a homer pick but I don't care. Matt Forte is one of the top backs in the league and I will fight anyone who disagrees with me (not really, ya'll know I'm just playing.) He is a phenomenal reciever in the backfield, and with Marc Trestman calling plays running backs generally get plenty of opportunities to get receptions out the backfield.
Jazz hands!

4.  Jamaal Charles: Kansas City

I have him this low for two reasons really. One he seems to be kind of injury prone during the preseason, so if he can make it out with no major season threatening injuries I expect this burner to continue his trend of averaging 5 yards a carry. The second reason is this man.
"Averaging 5 yards a carry? Better dial up 15 straight passing plays."
Yes Andy Reid. While he is a completely solid coach he has a tendency to begin calling a lot of passing plays and very few running plays. So his production may dip a bit in that category.

3. CJ Spiller: Buffalo

This guy through no fault of his own is just a burden to have on your fantasy football team. Not because he fumbles or doesn't produce, it's because THEY REFUSE TO GIVE HIM THE DAMN BALL. The guy is electric. Speed, elusiveness, durable, the kid has it all. And if you're in a deep league that scores special team points he contributes in that capacity as well.

2. Marshawn Lynch: Seattle
Expect big numbers from Beast Mode with the injury to Percy Harvin, and the overall brittle nature of Sidney Rice over the past few seasons I think a running back who is durable and a big play machine who is a grown ass man will be the best friend of Russell Wilson.

And now number one...
1. Adrian Peterson: Minnesota


There you go gang, these are the five guys you should target in all your fantasy football drafts.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Fantasy Football Extravaganza Part I.

Ah yes, friends and fans of the blog it is that time again. As a man who has made the championship twice in a decade and the proud owner of five teams this year I feel it is my duty to share some of the knowledge that has made me a legendary figure in the world of mediocre fantasy football owners. Without further ado I present to you the quarterbacks.

5.  Colin Kaepernick: San Francisco
"Keep focusing on the tatts..."
Kap is the real damn deal as a very disgruntled Bears fan found out when he took over for Alex Smith after an injury. The guy has a rocket for an arm, runs like he has been injected with cheetah blood, and has a solid running game not to mention the best healthy tight end in the game. I expect 25 or more touchdown passes and 5 or so touchdown runs as the Niners have a real good chance to get back to the Super Bowl.

4. Cam Newton: Carolina

I am an unabashed Cam Newton defender. I don't think we have ever seen a quarterback with his skill set ever in this league. The reason I do not have him ranked higher is frankly his supporting staff is a tad bit suspect. Steve Smith isn't getting any younger, his running game has been underwhelming, and while Greg Olsen, a favorite of the Puma, has been solid he won't be winning you many games. 25 td passes and 10 rushing tds are very real possibilities.

3. Tom Brady: New England
Never Forget.
Adding Danny Amendola should ease the burden of losing Wes Welker, and I believe that Lagarrette Blount and Steven Ridley in the backfield can hold serve until the return of Rob Gronkowski, you know the tight end that doesn't murder people.

2. Aaron Rodgers: Green Bay
As a Bears fan it pains me to say this but he's good. He's damn good. What is not good however is his facial hair choices. Hey don't judge me, it's all I got to criticize.

1.  Peyton Manning: Denver

So hey remember last year how I said he was gonna be average at best? Yeah...I was wrong about that. And this year the offense is even better. With Welker added to the duo of Demariyous Thomas and Eric Decker not to mention the rookie Montee Ball who should flourish in the Denver running scheme I expect big numbers from the elder Manning of the NFL.

There you go folks, the first of my 2013 fantasy football rankings. Follow my tips and you too can finish 8-5 and lose in the second round!