Thursday, February 21, 2013

A Tradition Unlike Any Other. The Puma Hating.

I am what many people call a man of many tastes, a connoisseur of many different ways of thinking, but most notably I am what people would call a hater. Yes, the Chocolate Puma loves to hate on many things that brings much joy to the masses. Does this make me better than a lot of people? No. I mean I am better but for scores of other reasons. So if you were wondering what I am hating on now well you’re in luck because in convenient list form here they are!

· Lil’ Wayne: So last year he was upset because he couldn’t get into an NBA Finals game at Oklahoma City, claiming the Thunder were racist. He conveniently left out that he didn’t have a ticket. He was also upset that he couldn’t go to the locker room and speak to the Miami Heat. Now he is mad at his “beloved” Miami Heat because he was “kicked out” of a game and by kicked out I mean he left of his own free will after getting into an argument and making a gun gesture. So now it’s fuck the NBA and he claims he banged Chris Bosh’s wife. Here is someone who clearly needs a timeout because guess what buddy as a favor to you I am gonna let you in on a little secret…you’re a fan, after buying a ticket the only thing you’re entitled to is a game. Shut the fuck up and keep bandwagon hopping.
Again, anyone seen in this has lost the right to complain.
· Guy Fieri: He’s everything that’s wrong with life.
 · The Harlem Shake: Not the dance that was brought to the masses by Diddy and other rappers of the late 90s. No some spastic humping done by frat boys in speedos. If that’s your steez fine, but call it something else. Haven’t the people of Harlem been through enough already?

This is the Harlem Shake.

This is a hot ass mess.

· The current gun control debate: Now I am not talking about the idea of a debate on gun control, no I am talking about what is actually happening. One side yelling “ban it all” and the other side going “you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.” Never once thinking hey, maybe if we sit down and talk it out instead of calling everyone who disagrees with me a barbaraian, pussy etc. then maybe something worthwhile can be done.

· Taylor Swift: See above, Fieri, Guy.
Forever alone.
· Dwight Howard: I get being injured and not able to play, but come on dawg. One minute you’re barely able to lift your arm the next minute you wanna play in the All-Star game? A meaningless exhibition? And not only did he play; he showed more effort than he does for the Lakers. Orlando may have dodged a bullet here.

· Lisa Lampanelli: I have always found her to be a bit much for my taste. What with all the gay slurs and talks of banging black guys. But this last week she sent a picture of her and Lena Dunham out with the caption: “Me with my nigga Lena Dunham.” And she doesn’t even get why it’s wrong. Her explanation: “The N-word ending in ‘er’ is far different context from the word ending in ‘a.’ Ask any person who knows the urban dictionary, it means ‘friend,’” she said. “And by the way, if I had put the word ending in ‘er,’ that would have been a very derogatory thing about Lena meaning she is less than me, and I view her as very above me. ‘A’ on the end means ‘my friend.’”
"It's ok! I banged some black dudes!"
Well thanks for clearing that up. I thought you were some confused white person who because you’ve had the very urban experience of sleeping with a lot of black guy was under the impression she could go around dropping n-bombs. Boy would my face had been red if that wasn’t the case. Whew!

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