Monday, December 5, 2011

Herman Cain we hardly knew ye

This weekend was a particularly tough for me. The Bears lost in an embarrassing fashion, one of my many fantasy football teams didn’t perform very well and most damaging to my soul was the loss of my personal hero Herman “Herm-dawg” Cain from the GOP race to the White House. So if you’ll indulge me I will wax a little poetic on this magnificent marvel of a man.

You see what made Black Walnut so awesome was he didn’t let things like facts and having well any social tact whatsoever get in his way. He was a man on a mission. And if one of the objectives on his mission happened to be palm a few asses on the way well he wasn’t gonna let something as benign as her saying no get in the way. Crazy ladies, it would be an honor to be fondled by Black Walnut. As he said it’s not just the flavor of the week.

Little mundane details like who’s the leader of Ubecky-becky-beckystan mean nothing to a true leader like the Herm Dawg. Did it matter to him that he didn’t seem to know China already had nuclear capabilities? No, mostly because he was focused on other things…mainly helping out single moms with cash. And no he did not have sex with her, come on! He just didn’t tell his wife about her because, well you know women be tripping sometimes.

So Herman, I feel I can call you that, I will miss you on my TV everyday. Your penchant for breaking out into song like a bad Keenan Thompson character on SNL always brought a smile to my face. You being the all encompassing authority figure on who is blacker was refreshing. And what you did to pizza? Forget about it.

So Cornbread, I hope you take this time to stay awesome; we could have used you over that Harvard egghead Jihadist.

Oh well, we still have Newt I guess.

No comments: