Friday, July 29, 2016

The Chocolate Puma Presents... Hating on People.

A while back a good friend of mine suggested I devote time on the old Puma blog here to hate on some deserving ass clowns. I took him up on that suggestion and I have to say it was one of my most fun posts of the year given the continuing awfulness that 2016 has continued to dish out. Seriously 2016, knock it off. It is in this spirit that two of the most deserving candidates ever drew my ire. I’m looking at you Steve King and Bill O’Reilly. So without further ado, I present my second installment in a hopefully long running series, The Chocolate Puma Hating on People. 

First up to the plate, Steve King! Yes the “distinguished” congressman from Iowa decided his normal brand of coded racism was just too hard and decided to just flat out throw all his racism cards on the table.
Asking a clearly shocked panel at the RNC what have any other “subculture” contributed to society. In the words of the great Dan Ackroyd I say to you Steve you ignorant slut. I’m not gonna teach you… but I am going to roast you. You look like Dennis Hopper if he got hit in the face with a sack of pennies. You have the hybrid personality of a sack of corn meal and Boss Hogg. You xenophobic bag of douche, your positions on even the most compassionate bills is deplorable. Who the hell votes against aid to the victims of Hurricane Katrina? Well what else would you expect from a jackass who proudly displays a confederate flag despite being from Iowa which is not a southern state. Basically he is almost as awful as Taylor Swift.

Now let’s roll on to the headliner in this parade of assclowns.
Bill O’Reilly recently took time out of his day from being a pompous blowhard to declare that slavery wasn’t all that bad. He seriously said that slaves were “well fed and had decent lodgings provided by the government.” When I heard this I gave him the finger so hard that I may have sprained my hand. Bill O’Reilly you unimaginative dick bag. You make Brian Williams look like freaking Walter Cronkite.  I would rather sit through an amateur acoustic set of Nickelback’s greatest hits rather than hear you say word one on anything. Seeing you on television regularly offends all of my senses. If you can take five minutes to stop sexually harassing women maybe you can learn how to be a somewhat decent human you screaming sack of elephant crap that looks like a damn big toe.

Whew! I am so glad I was able to get that off my chest. It’s a lot of people I’d like to ruthlessly mock. Donald Trump probably could get another post but for now I’ll bid you all adieu. It’s national chicken wing day and a Puma is going to DESTROY some buffalo wings.

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