Friday, January 30, 2009

An Open Letter to Evan Rachel Wood

Dear Evan Rachel Wood,
Hi, big fan ever since I saw you in the very disturbing and frightening realistic look into the lives of the young children today in Thirteen. Very riveting, in all honesty I feel that you could be one of the finest actresses of your generation. You are also one of the prettiest young ladies out there as well. Which is why it pains me to say this, I think you are making a horrible mistake. Allow me to clarify, if the rumors are true you were seen making out with one Mickey Rourke. This wouldn't be nearly as disturbing if your former beau was none other than Marilyn Manson. Now since Rourke is a former boxer we shall do a tale of the tape.


Ahhhhh! Who's next, this guy...

It's a trap!

Look, I'm just saying, you're a beautiful young lady. There is no need for you to be hooking up with dudes whose face look like leather stretched over someone's knee...and then stitched up to hell. How about a handsome gentleman of leisure of the chocolate variety?

I await your call.

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