Dear Skanks of America,
Hi. Brian Thompson here. You may not know me… who are we kidding you definitely know me from my random rants, constant harranguing against the Black Eyed Peas, and my hatred of the American alimony system. You might see this letter as just another thing that I dislike in this American culture but I say nay. I enjoy girl scout cookies (thin mints are the bee’s knees!) and a good Klondike bar. See there are two things I like, certainly put you in your place. On to my original point of this letter however, you are not a victim and you shall receive no sympathy from me.
Where is this coming from you may be asking. Well I heard a statement from the spokesperson for your ahem distinguished group. That’s right, the lovely, beautiful, and demure Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, last seen in Nazi paraphanelia. "I want to say to the rest of the country, 'Stop taking it out on the mistresses and start taking it out on the men who are cheating on their wives,” she said with a straight face. “Why are these men getting off scot free while the mistresses are considered whores, and we're stepped on and we're booed and we're called nasty names? It's the man's responsibility, they're the ones in the marriage, they need to keep their vows. It's very easy to say, 'You know what I'm a married man.' They can easily walk away."
First, let’s take the biggest case of a man getting caught cheating, Tiger Woods. I think it’s safe to say that losing milions of dollars in endorsement deals, the potential disolution of his marriage, and becoming a national joke is not getting off scot free. His mistresses have picked up money making opportunities off of sleeping with a married man. I submit to you that while those women may not be whores, sleeping with famous and married men is whore like behavior. As easy it would be for a married man to say “I’m married,” it’s even easier not to put him in that position and say I don’t know, not hit on a man you already know is married.
Now I am not one to tell people how to live their lives skanks, I don’t know your situation. I do know that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, guess what baby? People are gonna think it’s a duck.
And lately I gotta say you skanks have been quacking a lot.