Hot damn it's that time. Yes your favorite blog writing guy is going to do what you, the tens of readers hath begged upon him. Yes I shall break down all of the matches from the upcoming Clash of Champions pay per view and give you who in my humble opinion should win. Without further ado I give you my predictions.
Breezango VS The Bludgeon Brothers
One of the biggest surprises during the brand split has been the popularity of Breezango and their weekly skits "The Fashion Files." What I loved is that it finally gives these two very competent wrestlers tv time and a chance to actually wrestle more than being a squash. However that is not what this match is going to be.
Luke Harper and Erick Rowan in their best War Machine from Ring of Honor cosplay gimmick they got going are being built as monsters. Unfortunately that means my very stylish boys are gonna have to do the J-O-B. Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers
The Usos VS The New Day VS Shelton Benjamin & Chad Gable VS Rusev & Aiden English (Smackdown Tag Team Championships)
This...is a mess. Now it could either be a beautiful chaos or it could be a clunky confusion. My guess given those involved is that it will be beautiful chaos. The New Day and the Usos are the cream of the tag team crop. Gable and Benjamin are two of the best pure wrestlers out there. And Rusev and Aiden English have surprised everyone with their Rusev Day gimmick. I have absolutely no storyline idea as to who will win so I'm going with what I wish will happen but probably won't. Everyone...IT'S RUSEV DAY!
Winner: Rusev and Aiden English
Natalya VS Charlotte Flair (Lumberjack match for WWE Women's Championship)
The match itself is not in doubt. Charlotte is going to retain. The real question is how. This is a lumberjack match and something tells me this is going to be used as a vehicle to get the Riott squad over. If I had to take a guess, a fight will break out on the outside and somehow spill into the ring causing a disqualification and leaving Ruby Riott standing tall over the Women's Champ until Becky Lynch returns to run them off. Winner: Charlotte (via shenanigans)
Bobby Roode VS Dolph Ziggler VS Baron Corbin (United States Championship)
Dolph Ziggler being added to this match tells me one thing, and that is Baron Corbin is going to lose the United States title. Ziggler's main role in this match is going to make Roode and Corbin's offense look devastating as that man can sell his ass off and eat the pin from Bobby Roode to keep him looking strong because I'd imagine he is on his way to feuding for the World Title with AJ Styles until the Royal Rumble.
Winner: Bobby Roode
Jinder Mahal VS AJ Styles (WWE Championship)
They tried to add a swerve with the Singh brothers seemingly growing a backbone and vowing vengeance for months of shitty treatment by Mahal when he was champ. That...was a lie. So I'd imagine the Singhs will take some kind of insane bump that will make them look as though they are dying and AJ will have just enough time to hit a Phenomenal Forearm on Jinder and retain the title. I fully believe AJ will hold the title until at least Wrestlemania when we get the Nakamura-AJ match we have all been craving and Jinder shall drop to the upper midcard. Winner: AJ Styles
Randy Orton & Shinuske Nakamura VS Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
This match is downright infuriating. First off we're supposed to cheer for Shane McMahon but in actuality he's been the biggest heel in this entire feud. Constantly seeking vengeance for something you got revenge for already just seems like a dick move. And kind of insinuating they should be fired is the dick bag cherry on Shane's shitty sundae.
That said I expect it to be a pretty good match as three of them are outstanding in the ring and Randy Orton ain't half bad either. You can probably expect a pretty good match with Shane and Daniel Bryan finding themselves at odds. That being said there is no way Sami and Kevin lose this match and their kayfabe jobs. They'll be fine and the Kevin and Sami show will roll onward. Winner: Owens and Zayn
There we have it. The next pay per view we get will be one of the big four, The Royal Rumble which will put us firmly on the road to Wrestlemania. I'll be here of course to give my opinion which will undoubtedly be wrong but I'll give it anyway. Be easy humanoids.
Ah 2017, what a year it has been for trash individuals to get called out by yours truly. From Jason Whitlock to Bo Bice, one of my favorite parts of one of the more trash years in recent history has been my monthly ode to someone who should be having all of the seats. And now here we are, the end of the year and someone has to be the recipient of the Golden Lazy Boy.
Ol' Uncle pudding pop makes the finals specifically for the biggest jackasses in the world. So he may not have been able to NBC but he got that going for him.
This turtle faced bastard is doing his damnedest to undo everything that Obama put into place during his presidency and is gonna drag us down at a faster than Tortoise pace to get this done.
And the winner...your 2017 Sit Your Ass Down Grand Champion is...
BILL COSBY!
Bill get your (allegedly) blind ass up here so you can sit your ass down!
For years he used his position of power to harass, drug and sexually assault women. He did all this while simultaneously excoriating the black community for what he perceived to be the ills of said community. You hypocritical predatory blight on humanity, how dare you lecture anyone on anything besides schilling for Kodak film or slinging pudding pops in these streets. And now whenever someone is accused of sexual misconduct the same dumb ass meme floats around, "Well when it was Bill Cosby..." First of all let me say this, fuck Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby ain't my daddy and I don't have to give him one iota of respect. He was a great stand up and made a tv show I liked, doesn't give him carte blanche to go out here dropping drugs into women's drinks etc and taking advantage of them.
And saying this was an example of the man trying to bring down a powerful black man....uh no. I'll buy that if you're talking about Colin Kaepernick, Craig Hodges or Mahmoud Abdoul Raouf but this respectability politics hustler? Please do me a favor.
So congratulations on being a completely horrible human being ol' Billy Barbiturates, your prize is hopefully a nice trip to prison and loss of your wealth but I doubt any of that happens.
Alright folks this wraps up a successful year of hating. I look forward to calling out the first jackass of 2018.
Another year in the books so you know that means, time for the year end lists to begin rolling out. I like many lazy bloggers shall do what my predecessors before me did, give you my unsolicited opinion that you may or may not even remotely care about. Enjoy!
Rookie of the Year:
Velveteen Dream (NXT)
He came up on the show Tough Enough as well basically just a generic wrestler. After a few quick losses where his gimmick was seemingly guy who wears American flag pants he was reintroduced as "The Velveteen Dream" a crossover between Prince and Jimi Hendrix.
At first very meh, then he began hitting his stride striking the perfect balance of creepy and intense. Then came the feud with Aleister Black and holy shit buckets did it deliver. If you want to teach someone how to create a 2 month feud with the guys having zero matches, then watch Velveteen go to work. I worry about how this gimmick translates to the next level but for now, I get excited when his music hits.
Most Improved Wrestler:
Cody Rhodes (ROH/NJPW)
Cody has always been a favorite of mine but it became clear during the end of his WWE run he was kind of over it. Not that he was mailing it in or anything but you could tell he wasn't that inspired. After leaving and joining the Bullet Club he reemerged from the ashes of malaise and was reborn as The American Nightmare, a play off his father the legendary Dusty Rhodes' gimmick of the American Dream.He has successfully led the US branch of the Bullet Club with the Young Bucks and even became ROH World Champion. Given their plan to have their own show in a 10,000 seat arena I would expect the star to only keep rising for the grandson of a plumber.
Best Heel:
Samoa Joe (WWE)
There are few things that get me as hyped as when the Samoan named Joe makes his way to the ring. First off when he speaks you believe that he is legit going to hurt you. Hell in his Ring of Honor days the chant the crowd had for him was "Joe's gonna kill you."
And when he is in the ring he has a mix of power and speed that is just awe inspiring. And when he locks in the Coquina Clutch...your night has decided to make an abrupt end. I would love a title run for this guy. Just give him a mic and get the hell out the way.
Best Face:
Dalton Castle (ROH)
A lot of people may not be familiar with the Party Peacockbut I think when you watch him you will be enthralled. From the flashy entrance with the Boys to his how do you say unique in ring mannerisms there is no one you find your self rooting for harder. Also the stalling German suplex this former amateur grappler throws is absolute perfection.
Wrestler of the Year:
Kazuchika Okada (NJPW)
All hail the Rainmaker
The man has held the top title in the #2 promotion in the world for over a year. He put on classics with Kenny Omega, tore the house down with Minoru Suzuki and surprisingly even had an amazing feud with EVIL of Los Ingobernobles de Japon. The unquestioned ace of New Japan after finally defeating Tanahashi is still only 30 years old. Barring injury the man whopped the PWI top 500 list will be receiving honors like this for quite a while.
Top 3 Wrestlers to Look For in 2018: 3. Juice Robinson (NJPW)
The former CJ Parker in NXT has been reborn as Juice Robinson in Japan. And goofy name aside he has really begun to hit his stride. At first he was just another gaijin to take some pinfalls but now he has emerged as a fan favorite and even has found himself in a few high profile matches.
He even beat Puma favorite Kenny Omega in the G1 Climax tournament which is a very big deal. In 2018 I would not be shocked to see the dread wearing American capture the United States or Intercontinental Championship.
2. Aleister Black (NXT)
The former Tommy End made his debut and instantly solidified himself as a man who could easily be tearing it up on Monday Night Raw or Smackdown. A trained kick boxer he has strikes for days.
Black Mass!
His match with Hideo Itami at Takeover: Chicago was possibly the hardest hitting match of the year as those two gentlemen kicked the ever loving crap out of each other. I would not be shocked to see him use the Black Mass spinning heel kick to an NXT title and a main roster run sooner rather than later.
1. Keith Lee (Evolve)
I really wasn't too familiar with Keith Lee beyond one appearance I saw of him on Ring of Honor TV. After hearing about him on the twitter I decided to do a deep dive on Youtube and holy crap am I glad I did. From PWG to Evolve he went all over the country and he put on amazing matches.
If you really want to see a video game match check out his matches with Donovan Dijack, another huge man who does things in a ring people his size shouldn't be able to do. If he ever decides to make his way to WWE then I think we all bask in his glory.
Top 3 Matches of 2017: 3. Aleister Black VS Velveteen Dream (NXT Takeover: War Games)
This was a master class of building a story and having the payoff totally exceed all expectations. And while I love Black, the man who did the heavy lifting psychology wise and on the mic would be the Velveteen Dream. Holy crap did he come of age.
He toed the line of making his hyper sexual, obsessive weirdo character go too far and nailed what was needed to perfection. A feud based on having someone else say your name doesn't sound too hot on paper but son of a bitch it worked. And the end of the match where Black finally says his name lets me know that this feud is far from over and I am here for it.
2. Pete Dunne VS Tyler Bate for UK Championship (NXT Takeover: Chicago)
Coming into this match I didn't know what to expect but on a stacked Chicago card these two UK natives went out there and completely obliterated the show.Tyler Bate the mustachioed champion came in against the Bruiserweight Pete Dunne.
What they put on was an amazing display of hard hitting, high flying gloriousness. And to make it all even better was the match was called by the legendary Jim Ross which just elevated it even more. I look forward to many more years of these two gentlemen tearing it up.
1. Kenny Omega VS Kazuchika Okada (Wrestle Kingdom 11)
Wow. I mean I could stop right there, but then you wouldn't get my amazing opinion now would you? This was the second of their trilogy and man this 60 minute draw was everything that it was billed to be. From Okada's magnetism to the athleticism and power of Kenny Omega this match was outstanding. It even got over 6 stars on Dave Meltzer's five star scale. While the series is knotted up with a win a piece you know they're going to run it back and if it's half as good as this we should be lucky.
There you have it folks. My opinion on the highs of the professional world for the calendar year 2017. I watched way more wrestling than a man with an infant should but I do this for you. The tens of readers.
Ziggler's main role in this match is going to make Roode and Corbin's offense look devastating as that man can sell his ass off and eat the pin from Bobby Roode to keep him looking strong because I'd imagine he is on his way to feuding for the World Title with AJ Styles until the Royal Rumble.
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