A Decade End With the Puma

Ah yes folks, another month and another year in the books. And I would like to tell you that I am not going to do some cheesy year end or decade end list so I won't! Instead what I will give you is some of the most hot fire free content that you will get from me. Sit back and enjoy you filthy animals.

Athlete of 2019: 

Megan Rapinoe:

"Are you not entertained!" 

I don't think it's even close who ends the year as my top athlete. Megan Rapinoe da Gawdess does it all baby. She is everything that one would want in an athlete to idolize. Does she have that swagger? Uh yeah that's an affirmative. Is she good at her sport? She turned the World Cup into the Rapinoe Show scoring 6 goals, winning player of the tournament, leading the US to another World Cup title and she gave that truth when it came to Donald Trump. When asked why she wouldn't go to the White House if invited and have a sit down with Mango Mussolini she said: “But I’m not going to be naive and think that I’m going to sit down with Trump and he’s going to change his mind. There are children locked up at the border who are dying, and that’s not fazing him. So why would I faze him?” She dominated on the field, she dominated off the field and the Puma can not help but to stan. 

Athlete of the Decade:

Serena Williams:
When I think of Serena Williams, I think of the infamous cat suit. 

Ok bad starting point, I also think of unparalleled dominance. In the teens, no one, man or woman, was her equal on the tennis court. She won 12 grand slam singles titles, 3 grand slam doubles titles, oh and she won 2 gold medals during that time. Hell she was so dominant, she won the Australian Open while damn near 2 months pregnant. Her "great" rival was Maria Sharapova. Can you guess what record Sharapova has against Serena? 2-20. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here. Nothing but respect for my president. 

My Album of the Decade:

To Pimp A Butterfly- Kendrick Lamar

Ok, I'll be honest, I don't listen to enough new music to give you an honest or fair opinion on what the album of the year should be. So instead in the last ten years no album has hit a brother quite like To Pimp A Butterfly. 

From the interlude 'For Free?' which he lets that bad bitch America know that this this dick ain't free to the anthem for the people 'Alright' which let us know that hey, we got us and we gonna be alright this album is the album I can listen to on repeat. Also Kendrick himself remained who he was as a person and continued to grow as an artist unlike my former favorite who won't be named here but rhymes with Ronye Jest.

TV Show of the Decade:

Game of Thrones
Last season aside, there has been no show that drew me in like Game of Thrones. From the first season and Ned Stark's journey trying to a just man in an unjust world to some of the most vile and disgusting villains that we have ever come across, this show had it all.

Ugh.

You talk to anyone who was a fan of GOT and just mention the Red Wedding and they may break down in tears. And I would be remised if I didn't mention that no tv show brought twitter together quite like Thrones. Shout out to #DemThrones and the Fiya Starter podcast. 

Movie of the Decade:

Black Panther

I get chills when I think about Black Panther. Was it the cinematic masterpiece that some would expect from the movie of the decade? Probably not. You can even make the argument that it wasn't the best Marvel movie of the decade. But what it was, was this beautiful piece of blackness that we don't get to see enough of, and that representation matters baby. After seeing it opening night I wrote this:
"I...I don't even really have words for what I just saw. Thank you Marvel and thank you Ryan Coogler. That awkward 8 year old who got a copy of Fantastic Four with a black super hero in it from a gas station in Mississippi is so damn happy with what he saw tonight."

2019 Grand Champion of Needing to Sit They Ass All The Way Down:

Your nominees are...

Meghan McCain

Ah yes, the patron saint of "do you know who my dad is?!?!" It's insane that in a world with the Trump spawn running around with high security clearances that Meghan McCain might be the one least qualified for her position.

I haven't mentioned in 7 minutes who my dad was! 

How in the holy hell did we let her get a gig as a nationally recognized political analyst when the highlight of her resume is as an intern on SNL. Holy hell, do we love the troops that much that we let the kids of vets just skate through? She whined her way all through 2019 and whether she is grand champion or not, I really hope her resolution for the new year is to have a nice tall glass of shut the hell up.

Mitch McConnell

This turtle faced bastard continued his history of being an irredeemable piece of shit. The peak of the ain't shitness of Mitch for me was his opposition to a bill that would form a committee to study the long term effects of slavery and whether reparations was needed. He fixed his reptilian non lips to utter: "We've tried to deal with our original sin of slavery by fighting a civil war, by passing landmark civil rights legislation. We elected an African American president..." Bitch you did not, just say we had a black president so we get a mulligan on slavery. Like tell me you didn't just say that.

And last but not least:

Donald Trump

...

Fuck Donald Trump. 

And the winner is...Ol' Cadet Bone Spurs himself, Donald Trump! I have long written about his history of being a piece of shit so this should really come as no surprise. Enjoy this award Trumpito with your piece of shit wife, piece of shit daughter, her piece of shit husband and the other nominees!

It wasn't even close really once you run down this piece of shit's greatest hits. Roll that beautiful bean footage!
*Having the largest federal housing discrimination suit ever filed against him.
*The Central Park Five and repeated calls for their incarceration despite DNA evidence exonerating the five.
*In the book "Trumped" he reportedly said: "The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys wearing yarmulkes.... Those are the only kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else... Besides that, I tell you something else. I think that's guy's lazy. And it's probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks." This was later said to be true by *checks notes* Donald Trump in an interview with Playboy.
*After the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally he said that there were "very fine people on both sides." One side had white supremacists, neo-nazis, and members of the Klan. Very fine indeed.
*Telling democratic congresswomen to "Go back where they came from" despite the fact three were born here and all are citizens.
*Claimed Barack Obama wasn't born here and demanded to see his birth certificate. And if you don't understand how a con artist, demanding a black man to show his papers is racist as fuck do me a favor and block me now. 

Well folks, I think that's all I got in me, I injured my back playing Moana with my son. And it was in this moment I knew I was truly washed. So 2020 I welcome you with open arms, your washed king will continue to pump out petty ass take downs, sports takes that are not to be taken seriously and the occasional post that will get me a few new followers until they realize I am truly a ridiculous person.

Until next time, ya'll be easy. Peace.