Wrestlemania 34 Preview

The grand daddy of them all has arrived and will probably be longer than the wait for the final season of Game of Thrones. But never fret my interweb friends, your boy Ol' Uncle Puma has watched more wrestling than a man with a wife and a soon to be one year old should have watched. So let's get to it.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon VS Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
I am conflicted on this match. Don't get me wrong, your boy is amped up for the return of the American Dragon and will probably cause a ruckus when 'Flight of the Valkyries' hits on Sunday, but I'm confused where this story goes.

I'm pretty pumped for this.

Daniel Bryan has to come out victorious in his return to the ring, but that also means no more Kevin and Sami on Smackdown, it's like they have written themselves in a corner with this story line. I think there is a finish where D-Bry gets the win, and during the celebration Shane goes full heel and attacks him, fires him as GM, and reinstates Owens and Zayn as his guys. Leads to a Summerslam match of Shane versus Bryan and you keep two of the best acts in wrestling on Smackdown. That's the only thing that makes sense.
Winner: Bryan and McMahon


Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey VS Triple H and Stephanie McMahon
Sigh, this one is going to get a very good spot on the card it's not deserving of. Actually of the 4 people in this I would only want to see one of them wrestle and it's not who the WWE would want that to be as they have built Rousey terribly. Awkward on the mic and in the ring, and it's not her fault. She should be down in NXT but she's learning on the fly. I'm not sure what the deal is with Kurt Angle, and no one ever wants to see Stephanie McMahon wrestle. I think Rousey will get the win in a short weird and highly choreographed affair.
Winner: Angle and Rousey


The New Day VS The Bludgeon Brothers VS The New Day (Smackdown Tag Team Titles)
I expect this match to be a very good affair. The New Day and Usos have an amazing chemistry, even before the Usos turned heel with their "Day One Ish" gimmick.

As for the Bludgeon Brothers, name and entrance aside, they have been built properly as monsters and it will lead to an interesting dilemma, do the Usos and New Day work together to take out the Bludgeon Brothers or will they take their eyes off the prize and take each other out. (Check out the triple threat match from Takeover Orlando for a classic example of this.) In the end I expect The Bludgeon Brothers to power through and capture the tag titles and hopefully get a lengthy run, I mean they have earned it from their time with the Wyatt Family.
Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers

Cesaro and Sheamus VS Braun Strowman & TBD (Raw Tag Team Titles)
This one is tricky, while I think a win for Braun is kind of needed, if he does it solo then that kind of buries Sheamus and Cesaro. On the other hand if the Bar wins then what was the whole point of the Tag Team battle royal.

Please let his partner be Brains Strowman

The big rumor is Rey Mysterio returns to be his partner and then you get the whole big guy, little guy dynamic that if done right can be quite entertaining. I don't really care who is partner is as long it does not bury Sheamus and Cesaro. Cesaro can put a classic on with anyone and Sheamus is a guy who doesn't get the credit he deserves . Given rumors of Sheamus' neck, a rest is probably warranted for him.
Winner: Braun and TBA

Asuka VS Charlotte (Smackdown Women's Title)
This is a match with zero build, almost as if the whole signing of Ronda Rousey distracted Creative. Even with no story other than I wanna fight you, I am wild excited for this match.

Possibly the 2nd best match on this card

For as much as I love Sasha Banks even I have to admit that Charlotte has truly been Miss Wrestlemania. And what can I say about Asuka that I haven't said in previous previews. This is going to be a battle of the athleticism of Charlotte and the stiff strikes of Asuka. The Empress of Tomorrow will be pushed but in the end her streak will go on and she will become the new Smackdown Women's Champion.
Winner: Asuka 

Nia Jax VS Alexa Bliss (Raw Women's Title)
When you usually see a bigger athlete versus the smaller one, you assume the underdog is the smaller one. WRONG! Through a particularly uncomfortable body shaming angle they have turned the dimunitive Alexa Bliss into someone you want to see get destroyed. And who better to do the job than Nia Jax who while being dominant has shown some insecurities. In the end I would expect Nia Jax to get the win and begin a surprising run as a face champion.
Winner: Nia Jax

Rusev VS Jinder Mahal VS Bobby Roode VS Randy Orton (United States Title)
I should be more excited for this I really should. But if we're being honest, Randy Orton bores me to death and his actions make little sense. Jinder Mahal is just kind of shoe horned into this match based off a "top ten list" that they don't even use anymore, and Bobby Roode is woefully miscast as a face. He works best when he is a jerk who you want to see get kicked in his grill. The saving grace of this match is the 4th man who thankfully was added at the last minute.

Hopefully it will be a prosperous Rusev Day

No one (not named Daniel Bryan) gets the pop that Rusev gets and it's about time you reward the guy for making this Rusev Day gimmick work. I am choosing the winner here based solely on my heart as I am sure it will not play out how I'd like it.
Winner: RUSEV

Finn Balor VS Seth Rollins VS The Miz (Intercontinental Title)
The opposite of the US Title match is the multi-man affair for the Intercontinental Title. The Miz for well over a year has been one of the top performers, basically being the man tasked with keep feuds going when his opponents are not able to. Seth Rollins has been a man possessed trying to get back to the main event scene putting on some damn good matches.

Just give us this faction please! 

Finn Balor is starting to come into his own and when he was teamed up with Gallows and Anderson he for the first time looked truly comfortable. I think this match is gonna focus on Balor and Rollins one upping each other and the Miz using his wits to escape again. Given that his kid was just born I say the Miz has earned some time away. I also think Rollins goes to Smackdown leaving one man to hold the title.
Winner: Finn Balor

Shinuske Nakamura VS AJ Styles (WWE Title)
This is probably going to be the match of the night. Seriously go back and check out their match from Wrestle Kingdom 10 to see the magic these two can put on.

I have loved the psychological games played by Nakamura, particularly a few weeks ago teasing a Kinshasa only to stop and pat Styles on the head. Not to be outdone Styles teased a phenomenal forearm only to stop and return the pat. I think this is going to be the match that gets the casual wrestling fan unfamiliar with the awesomeness of Nakamura to get all on board. Styles has had some opponents over the year he had to drag to good matches but this is gonna be one that is worthy of his talents. In the end I think Nakamura will get the better of Styles to win his first WWE Title.
Winner: Nakamura


Roman Reigns VS Brock Lesnar (WWE Universal Title)

So we gotta do this huh? Alright fine. Brock has beaten the brakes off of Roman every single time they have crossed paths in the build up to this match. My problem with this is how Roman is presented, as some anti corporate guy when he comes across as the most corporate guy. I'm not one of those "Roman sucks" guys, but he definitely shouldn't be presented as an underdog. He should be this cocky heel who actually plays up his corporate connection. The match itself, will be fine. Probably a 10 to 15 minute affair that is gonna be end with a few Superman punches and a spear, maybe two and a whole new era of "Roman Empire" t-shirts. Yay.
Winner: Roman Reigns

Well there you have it, notably absent is whatever John Cena and the Undertaker are going to do because at the time I wrote this it wasn't officially a match so stop complaining. Also Bayley wins the women's battle royal, Samoa Joe will return and win the Andre the Giant battle royal and Cedric Alexander will win the Cruiserweight title. Alright, catch you humanoids later.