In which I give my feelings on Kobe Bryant.
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Episode 21: Is It Oochie Wally or Is It One Mic?
In which I lament the people who would have hated MLK during his life, using his words for social media cache, Bernie Sanders being Bernie Sanders and wrapping it all up with some thoughts on my dear aunt.
Friday, January 17, 2020
The Hall of...Pretty Good.
Hi, I'm the Chocolate Puma. You may know me from such hits as as calling Mitch McConnell a blister on the ass of society, Doug Gottlieb a moronic asswipe, and statistical deep dives of barber shop-esque sports conversations. Today I will take to task the notion that Julian Edelman is a hall of famer. That's right, I am just as shocked as you are that people are considering this guy for the hall of fame. So being the man who loves statistics I dove in to see does he actually belong in the hall?
Receptions:
For his 11 year career Edelman has 596 receptions. The all time leader Jerry Rice has 1,549 receptions. Now as to not compare him to arguably the GOAT of the position, I went all the way to number 25, Muhsin Muhammad has 860 receptions. Yet I'm not hearing any calls to put Moose in the hall of fame. Just sayin'. Hell Larry Centers, a damn full back finished his career with 827 receptions!
Receiving Yards:
For his career, Edelman has 6,507 yards which is a very respectable number. Some noteable guys in this range would be Odell Beckham who has played half the time, Doug Baldwin who only played 7 seasons, hell Jericho Cotchery has more career yards.
You can not, in any universe put a guy who ranks 170th in career yards in the hall of fame because he looks "scrappy."
Touchdowns:
For his career Edelman has caught 36 touchdowns. Again a respectable number. Just a few people who have more that are current players and I will exclude perennial pro bowlers such as Mike Evans or AJ Green because duh. Players like Emmanuel Sanders, Marvin Jones, Ben Watson, Golden Tate and Doug Baldwin all outrank him. Again 36 touchdowns are impressive, are they worthy of all time great status? Nooooooooooooooooope!
Post Season:
Now this is where he has his best chance to get in because he has put up some amazing numbers in the post season. He is currently #2 in receiving yards all time in the playoffs. But for all the yards he compiled he only has 5 career post season touchdowns.
By comparison, Amani Toomer, Brandon Stokely, Anquan Boldin and Hines Ward all have more receiving touchdowns than Edelman and yet there is no clamor to get them in the Hall of Fame. Keep the same energy doggies!
Character:
I know what you're thinking, he's a Patriot and they just do things the right way. Well Aaron Hernandez also played for the Patriots.Now I'm not saying Julian Edelman is a murderer, but he damn sure has some character flaws.
He had a paternity suit against him which he claimed to not be the father but surprise! He was! Also just recently he was arrested for vandalism for getting hammered and jumping up and down on someone's car. So while I don't give a shit about this, the character excuse was used to hold out T.O. so it damn sure better be used in this case.
Well I think I have done a pretty good job of yucking the yum of any rational person who was trying to get Julian Edelman into the hall of fame. Join me next time where I tear a beloved children's movie to pieces or bitch about a local restaurant changing it's BBQ sauce recipe. You never know what you're gonna get with this guy.
Receptions:
For his 11 year career Edelman has 596 receptions. The all time leader Jerry Rice has 1,549 receptions. Now as to not compare him to arguably the GOAT of the position, I went all the way to number 25, Muhsin Muhammad has 860 receptions. Yet I'm not hearing any calls to put Moose in the hall of fame. Just sayin'. Hell Larry Centers, a damn full back finished his career with 827 receptions!
 |
| Larry for HOF! |
For his career, Edelman has 6,507 yards which is a very respectable number. Some noteable guys in this range would be Odell Beckham who has played half the time, Doug Baldwin who only played 7 seasons, hell Jericho Cotchery has more career yards.
Touchdowns:
For his career Edelman has caught 36 touchdowns. Again a respectable number. Just a few people who have more that are current players and I will exclude perennial pro bowlers such as Mike Evans or AJ Green because duh. Players like Emmanuel Sanders, Marvin Jones, Ben Watson, Golden Tate and Doug Baldwin all outrank him. Again 36 touchdowns are impressive, are they worthy of all time great status? Nooooooooooooooooope!
Post Season:
Now this is where he has his best chance to get in because he has put up some amazing numbers in the post season. He is currently #2 in receiving yards all time in the playoffs. But for all the yards he compiled he only has 5 career post season touchdowns.
 |
| NFL legend Brandon Stokely |
Character:
I know what you're thinking, he's a Patriot and they just do things the right way. Well Aaron Hernandez also played for the Patriots.Now I'm not saying Julian Edelman is a murderer, but he damn sure has some character flaws.
Well I think I have done a pretty good job of yucking the yum of any rational person who was trying to get Julian Edelman into the hall of fame. Join me next time where I tear a beloved children's movie to pieces or bitch about a local restaurant changing it's BBQ sauce recipe. You never know what you're gonna get with this guy.
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
Episode 20: "Dey Know"
In which the tangerine in chief gets these verbal hands, Richard Sherman earns my respect even more so, and I make another shameless attempt to get some Space Jam 11s.
Friday, January 10, 2020
You Gotta Work Twice as Hard, To Get Half As Far.
If you know any black person I guarantee that from the time they were a child, the phrase "you have to work twice as hard to get half as far" has been an edict drilled into them. This was the first thought that came to mind when I saw the latest rounds of NFL head coaching hires. It's an absolute joke and a travesty in some cases how qualified candidates of color are often overlooked.
In a league where the 70 percent of the work force is African American, you would think there would be more coaches and front office members to reflect the work force. You would be wrong. There are a few factors that lead me to believe in the lack of chocolate head coaches but it all boils down to a bias rather it be implicit or explicit that leads those in hiring positions to believe that black men are not capable of leading an NFL franchise as it's coach.
Despite the Rooney Rule being in effect for 12 seasons, we will be heading into the 2020 season with 4 minority head coaches. (The Cleveland Browns job is still open but it is widely believed that Josh McDaniels of the New England Patriots will get the job.) The Rooney Rules mandates that an NFL team must interview at least one minority candidate for these jobs. And in most cases, they interview a candidate who has no experience just to check a box, or someone they have no intention of hiring. The Philadelphia Eagles interviewing Duce Staley, a former running back who had only been an assistant for a handful of seasons is a classic example of this as they had made their mind up on Doug Pederson but they had to check a box.
And when you compare the resumes of some of the guys who are getting these jobs? It should be extremely apparent at that point. The New York Giants hired Joe Judge to be their new head coach. He was a special teams assistant from 2012-2015, since then he was special teams coordinator. A solid resume. Now lets look at the guy who many believe should have had the job, Eric Bieniemy.
From 2001-2005 he was a college running back coach. He also was a college offensive coordinator, NFL running back coach for the Minnesota Vikings. Bieniemy became the running backs coach for the Kansas City Chiefs in 2013 under head coach Andy Reid. In 2018, he was promoted to offensive coordinator. In his first season as the Chiefs offensive coordinator, the Chiefs were first in the NFL in yards per game and points scored. The Chiefs scored the third most points in a season in NFL history with 565. Additionally, Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes became the second quarterback in NFL history, along with Peyton Manning, to throw for 5,000 yards and 50 touchdowns in a season. Now who has the better resume and track record of developing young quarterbacks?
And even when you get the job the playing field is uneven. For instance, the Detroit Lions hired Jim Caldwell. Caldwell, had a track record of success, taking the Colts to the Super Bowl, and revamping the Ravens offense in route to their Super Bowl win.
In his tenure in Detroit he had a winning record in 3 of his 4 seasons with multiple trips to the playoffs. He was fired after going 9-7 because 9 wins wasn't enough for the Lions. Caldwell has yet to be considered for another head coaching position.
The Lions went and hired the GM's buddy from New England, Matt Patricia. Patricia in his two seasons as a head coach has only 9 wins. Am I calling the Lions brass racist?
Not necessarily but it is telling that 9 wins a year was not enough for Caldwell and Patricia gets another crack at a losing season despite barely having 9 wins in 2 years.
According to a report from ESPN's Mike Sando “teams have taken a chance on 21 first-time white head coaches and only one first-time minority head coach, Todd Bowles, over the hiring cycles (2012-16)." In 20 years, Second-, third- and fourth-time white head coaches outnumber all minority hires by a 40-21 margin during that span.
A study from professors at Georgetown, George Washington, Emory and Iowa State University found white position coaches and assistants in the NFL are more than twice as likely to be promoted to coordinator than their black counterparts, regardless of their performance, experience or coaching background. Head coaches are typically plucked from the coordinator position. And when you are like Eric Bieniemy and become a coordinator where the two previous people in said position, Doug Pederson and Matt Nagy both became head coaches while he remains in Andy Reid's shadow, the phrase "you have to work twice as hard to get half as far" rings true.
In a league where the 70 percent of the work force is African American, you would think there would be more coaches and front office members to reflect the work force. You would be wrong. There are a few factors that lead me to believe in the lack of chocolate head coaches but it all boils down to a bias rather it be implicit or explicit that leads those in hiring positions to believe that black men are not capable of leading an NFL franchise as it's coach.
Despite the Rooney Rule being in effect for 12 seasons, we will be heading into the 2020 season with 4 minority head coaches. (The Cleveland Browns job is still open but it is widely believed that Josh McDaniels of the New England Patriots will get the job.) The Rooney Rules mandates that an NFL team must interview at least one minority candidate for these jobs. And in most cases, they interview a candidate who has no experience just to check a box, or someone they have no intention of hiring. The Philadelphia Eagles interviewing Duce Staley, a former running back who had only been an assistant for a handful of seasons is a classic example of this as they had made their mind up on Doug Pederson but they had to check a box.
And when you compare the resumes of some of the guys who are getting these jobs? It should be extremely apparent at that point. The New York Giants hired Joe Judge to be their new head coach. He was a special teams assistant from 2012-2015, since then he was special teams coordinator. A solid resume. Now lets look at the guy who many believe should have had the job, Eric Bieniemy.
And even when you get the job the playing field is uneven. For instance, the Detroit Lions hired Jim Caldwell. Caldwell, had a track record of success, taking the Colts to the Super Bowl, and revamping the Ravens offense in route to their Super Bowl win.
The Lions went and hired the GM's buddy from New England, Matt Patricia. Patricia in his two seasons as a head coach has only 9 wins. Am I calling the Lions brass racist?
 |
| He keeps a pencil behind his ear, despite the fact his playsheet is laminated. |
According to a report from ESPN's Mike Sando “teams have taken a chance on 21 first-time white head coaches and only one first-time minority head coach, Todd Bowles, over the hiring cycles (2012-16)." In 20 years, Second-, third- and fourth-time white head coaches outnumber all minority hires by a 40-21 margin during that span.
 |
| This guy was chosen to lead a team. Twice. |
Tuesday, January 7, 2020
Episode 19: Return of the Mack
In which I get back on these podcast streets. I lament the repetitive performance of Ricky Gervais, gift you all with some hot fire and give a fond farewell to David Stern.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
A Decade End With the Puma
Ah yes folks, another month and another year in the books. And I would like to tell you that I am not going to do some cheesy year end or decade end list so I won't! Instead what I will give you is some of the most hot fire free content that you will get from me. Sit back and enjoy you filthy animals.
And last but not least:
Athlete of 2019:
Megan Rapinoe:
I don't think it's even close who ends the year as my top athlete. Megan Rapinoe da Gawdess does it all baby. She is everything that one would want in an athlete to idolize. Does she have that swagger? Uh yeah that's an affirmative. Is she good at her sport? She turned the World Cup into the Rapinoe Show scoring 6 goals, winning player of the tournament, leading the US to another World Cup title and she gave that truth when it came to Donald Trump. When asked why she wouldn't go to the White House if invited and have a sit down with Mango Mussolini she said: “But I’m not going to be naive and think that I’m going to sit down with Trump and he’s going to change his mind. There are children locked up at the border who are dying, and that’s not fazing him. So why would I faze him?” She dominated on the field, she dominated off the field and the Puma can not help but to stan.
 |
| "Are you not entertained!" |
Athlete of the Decade:
Serena Williams:
When I think of Serena Williams, I think of the infamous cat suit.
Ok bad starting point, I also think of unparalleled dominance. In the teens, no one, man or woman, was her equal on the tennis court. She won 12 grand slam singles titles, 3 grand slam doubles titles, oh and she won 2 gold medals during that time. Hell she was so dominant, she won the Australian Open while damn near 2 months pregnant. Her "great" rival was Maria Sharapova. Can you guess what record Sharapova has against Serena? 2-20. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. Here. Nothing but respect for my president.
When I think of Serena Williams, I think of the infamous cat suit.
My Album of the Decade:
To Pimp A Butterfly- Kendrick Lamar
Ok, I'll be honest, I don't listen to enough new music to give you an honest or fair opinion on what the album of the year should be. So instead in the last ten years no album has hit a brother quite like To Pimp A Butterfly.
From the interlude 'For Free?' which he lets that bad bitch America know that this this dick ain't free to the anthem for the people 'Alright' which let us know that hey, we got us and we gonna be alright this album is the album I can listen to on repeat. Also Kendrick himself remained who he was as a person and continued to grow as an artist unlike my former favorite who won't be named here but rhymes with Ronye Jest.
TV Show of the Decade:
Game of Thrones
Last season aside, there has been no show that drew me in like Game of Thrones. From the first season and Ned Stark's journey trying to a just man in an unjust world to some of the most vile and disgusting villains that we have ever come across, this show had it all.
You talk to anyone who was a fan of GOT and just mention the Red Wedding and they may break down in tears. And I would be remised if I didn't mention that no tv show brought twitter together quite like Thrones. Shout out to #DemThrones and the Fiya Starter podcast.
Last season aside, there has been no show that drew me in like Game of Thrones. From the first season and Ned Stark's journey trying to a just man in an unjust world to some of the most vile and disgusting villains that we have ever come across, this show had it all.
 |
| Ugh. |
Movie of the Decade:
Black Panther
I get chills when I think about Black Panther. Was it the cinematic masterpiece that some would expect from the movie of the decade? Probably not. You can even make the argument that it wasn't the best Marvel movie of the decade. But what it was, was this beautiful piece of blackness that we don't get to see enough of, and that representation matters baby. After seeing it opening night I wrote this:
"I...I don't even really have words for what I just saw. Thank you Marvel and thank you Ryan Coogler. That awkward 8 year old who got a copy of Fantastic Four with a black super hero in it from a gas station in Mississippi is so damn happy with what he saw tonight."
"I...I don't even really have words for what I just saw. Thank you Marvel and thank you Ryan Coogler. That awkward 8 year old who got a copy of Fantastic Four with a black super hero in it from a gas station in Mississippi is so damn happy with what he saw tonight."
2019 Grand Champion of Needing to Sit They Ass All The Way Down:
Your nominees are...
Meghan McCain
Ah yes, the patron saint of "do you know who my dad is?!?!" It's insane that in a world with the Trump spawn running around with high security clearances that Meghan McCain might be the one least qualified for her position.
How in the holy hell did we let her get a gig as a nationally recognized political analyst when the highlight of her resume is as an intern on SNL. Holy hell, do we love the troops that much that we let the kids of vets just skate through? She whined her way all through 2019 and whether she is grand champion or not, I really hope her resolution for the new year is to have a nice tall glass of shut the hell up.
 |
| I haven't mentioned in 7 minutes who my dad was! |
Mitch McConnell
This turtle faced bastard continued his history of being an irredeemable piece of shit. The peak of the ain't shitness of Mitch for me was his opposition to a bill that would form a committee to study the long term effects of slavery and whether reparations was needed. He fixed his reptilian non lips to utter: "We've tried to deal with our original sin of slavery by fighting a civil war, by passing landmark civil rights legislation. We elected an African American president..." Bitch you did not, just say we had a black president so we get a mulligan on slavery. Like tell me you didn't just say that.
And last but not least:
Donald Trump
...
...
Fuck Donald Trump.
And the winner is...Ol' Cadet Bone Spurs himself, Donald Trump! I have long written about his history of being a piece of shit so this should really come as no surprise. Enjoy this award Trumpito with your piece of shit wife, piece of shit daughter, her piece of shit husband and the other nominees!
It wasn't even close really once you run down this piece of shit's greatest hits. Roll that beautiful bean footage!
*Having the largest federal housing discrimination suit ever filed against him.
*The Central Park Five and repeated calls for their incarceration despite DNA evidence exonerating the five.
*In the book "Trumped" he reportedly said: "The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys wearing yarmulkes.... Those are the only kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else... Besides that, I tell you something else. I think that's guy's lazy. And it's probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks." This was later said to be true by *checks notes* Donald Trump in an interview with Playboy.
*After the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally he said that there were "very fine people on both sides." One side had white supremacists, neo-nazis, and members of the Klan. Very fine indeed.
*Telling democratic congresswomen to "Go back where they came from" despite the fact three were born here and all are citizens.
*Claimed Barack Obama wasn't born here and demanded to see his birth certificate. And if you don't understand how a con artist, demanding a black man to show his papers is racist as fuck do me a favor and block me now.
*Having the largest federal housing discrimination suit ever filed against him.
*The Central Park Five and repeated calls for their incarceration despite DNA evidence exonerating the five.
*In the book "Trumped" he reportedly said: "The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys wearing yarmulkes.... Those are the only kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else... Besides that, I tell you something else. I think that's guy's lazy. And it's probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks." This was later said to be true by *checks notes* Donald Trump in an interview with Playboy.
*After the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally he said that there were "very fine people on both sides." One side had white supremacists, neo-nazis, and members of the Klan. Very fine indeed.
*Telling democratic congresswomen to "Go back where they came from" despite the fact three were born here and all are citizens.
*Claimed Barack Obama wasn't born here and demanded to see his birth certificate. And if you don't understand how a con artist, demanding a black man to show his papers is racist as fuck do me a favor and block me now.
Well folks, I think that's all I got in me, I injured my back playing Moana with my son. And it was in this moment I knew I was truly washed. So 2020 I welcome you with open arms, your washed king will continue to pump out petty ass take downs, sports takes that are not to be taken seriously and the occasional post that will get me a few new followers until they realize I am truly a ridiculous person.
Until next time, ya'll be easy. Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)