What it is baby, what it is?! It is that time of year again where I, your favorite 8 time fantasy baseball participant takes time to give you , my loyal army of 10s what you need and what you crave. As with most months I didn't have a shortage of people who need to be told to have a damn seat. I was leaning towards the news anchor who told her black co-anchor he looked like a gorilla but then the heavens opened up and said to me..."Puma, this asshat has said something remarkably stupid." An lo and behold, the person who needs most to sit that ass down is...Doug Gottlieb! Dougie get your ass up here and sit your ass down.
Unfamiliar with who Doug Gottlieb is? Well he is an insufferable college basketball analyst and former player. Most known for his swift hands and penchant for steals.
Unfortunately those steals were not on the court but rather his teammate's credit cards. But I digress. When the news broke of Andrew Luck's retirement, Mr. Gottlieb felt it was the perfect time to bless the world with his insight.
Retiring cause rehabbing is “too hard” is the most millennial thing ever #AndrewLuck
You know Doug, you could have said nothing, yet what you chose to do was express a thought so stupid and void of any logic that even Britt McHenry rightly roasted that ass.
1. The use of millennial as an insult? Come on Doug, that the best you got?
2. Deciding to choose a life void of physical and mental pain caused by injuries in football is a bad thing? Help me out here.
3. If you listened to the entire 30 minute retirement press conference not once does Andrew Luck mention rehab being "too hard." He does mention mental anguish of the repetitive cycle of injury, rehab to get healthy, then injury, rehab to get healthy seemingly endlessly.
He also mentions that the game he once loved, had left him miserable. He's 29 years old. He has interests outside of football. If he can let go of the game and begin to become happy once again, who the hell is anyone to criticize it. Screw your team, screw your fantasy football, this is a man's life. A life he has worked hard for and should get to happily enjoy the fruits of said labor. But no, according to a man who has....
Zero NFL games under his belt he feels that a guy who in 6 years battled the following injuries: *Torn cartilage in 2 ribs * partially torn abdomen * a lacerated kidney * at least 1 concussion * a torn labrum in his throwing shoulder * and this mysterious calf/ankle issue that was the final straw And his defense of his remarkably idiotic point? "Anyone who hires a millennial will say, 'You know what, it’s kind of amazing, they’re really smart, kind of worldly, they come in, sort of think they know everything, but they’ll get after it and work hard.’ Then they want a raise like two weeks later. That sound like any football players you know? Want a raise as soon as they see any sort of success even though their contract says otherwise?"
Soft millennial, why don't you have some more avocado toast?
How does that apply to Andrew Luck and his retiring? Because if memory serves correct Luck earned his contract, never held out and lest I forget was wildly successful. A four time pro bowler, he led the league in touchdown passes in 2014, and was the Comeback Player of the Year just last season. That's a wildly successful career that had to be hard to walk away from, not the petulant actions of a brat who wasn't given what he wanted.
So to Doug Gottlieb, the man with credit card fraud, betrayal of the only coach to give him a second chance, and countless shitty takes, please grab this Lazy Boy and sit your ass down.
The world is in disarray, social unrest and things just don't appear to be getting any better. In trying times like this I sit back and think what can I, ya boy, do to give the people what they want...no what the people need. Ah yes. The people need me out here waxing poetically on professional wrestling! Now I used to give my opinion on every match on the card but sweet lord I don't have 6 months to pontificate so instead I shall give you my five favorite moments from the year in professional wrestling so far. Enjoy jerks!
Honorable Mention:
*Shingo Takagi and his run through the New Japan Junior Heavyweights.
*Johnny Gargano finally winning the big one.
*The Return of Bray Wyatt as the Fiend.
5. Becky Lynch, Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey Headline Wrestlemania
We are just a few years removed from the era of women either getting no matches on the card or getting extremely demeaning matches and storylines. Flair, Rousey and Lynch closed out the show and what a match it was. The fans clamored for Becky Lynch to win the title and deep into the night she surprise pinned the mainstream favorite Ronda Rousey and became the first woman to win the main event.
4. The Indie Explosion Continues in NXT
As the main shows have called up talent from NXT there has always been the expectation that NXT would see a drop off in quality.
WRONG! Triple H has found ways to convince some of the worlds greatest Independent talent to join the WWE. ACH, Trevor Lee, Keith Lee, Jonah Rock and even managers such as Stokely Hathaway have all made their way to Stamford and just reloaded the yellow and black brand in time for a rumored move to FS1 and a two hour show.
3. The Departure of Dean Ambrose and the Rise of Jon Moxley
When rumors began surfacing that Ambrose was unhappy and on the way out it was pretty widely accepted that he would either go into acting or just take a break and return back to the WWE. WRONG. Hours after his contract was up a trailer promising the return of Jon Moxley was up and return to his violent ways he did. Making a huge return at the AEW show attacking Kenny Omega.
He followed that up with matches against Joey Janela, winning the US Championship in New Japan Wrestling, and a highly entertaining run in the G1 Tournament. With AEW getting it's own tv show in October the legend of Mox should only grow.
2. Kofi Kingston Finally Winning the WWE Championship
I wrote about this a few months ago.
"So as a black wrestling fan, to see someone so unabashedly black, ascend
to the point where he can be the first "one of us" kind of champions
means a lot. Someone who has never changed who he was despite the fact
he could have gotten to this point in his career much sooner had he done
so. And to have it happen so organically just shows that fans are ready
to not only believe in but also get behind and support a black
champion."
Kofi followed through on that promise and is in the midst of a run that he has deserved for years.
1. Cody VS Dustin Rhodes
My favorite moment of the year has been without a doubt the story told by Cody and Dustin Rhodes. The star on his way out, challenged by hisyounger brother all in the shadow of their father's legacy. The build to the match was done by excellent video packages and the match they put on was a brutal and bloody affair. The cherry on this storytelling sundae however was the post match promo delivered by Cody which echoed the famous "View Never Changes" promo Dusty gave Dustin before Clash of Champions.
Well there you have it, my favorite moments so far. With Summerslam tonight who knows if I will have to expand this list later.
Another month has come and gone so it means it is time for I, ya boy, to give you what you want. Another sometimes angry, sometimes funny, always ridiculous takedown of someone who is just doing the most! This month, ooooh, buddy. Buckle up buckaroos because this shit has been percolating for a smooth minute. Donald J. Trump, get your clementine hued ass up here and sit your ass down!
Ya'll man is out here using scotch tape on his ties. Scotch. Tape.
Donald Trump is a piece of shit. I'm not really willing to hear any other opinions that differ from this. I say this not based on any of his policies, which are shit-tastic but on his damn near 40 year track record of being a boil on the ass of society prior to becoming president. "But how could you say that? He's not that bad!" Au contraire idiot. Allow me to run through Some of his greatest hits.
Woo alrighty, your boy is getting sufficiently heated. The fact that people are still shocked by what this charlatan does is probably the most surprising thing to me. And lest we forget he gave us the most awful sell of a Stone Cold Stunner that humanity has ever seen.
My lawd. Just when you think the NBA has taken it's foot off the other major sports league's necks, even their free agency period is lit. This league is the best and if you want to argue find your third grade teacher and debate Ms. Hanover because ya boy will not hear it! It would be far too many moves for me to go through to try and grade each one but I will give you my 10 thoughts from this hectic ass week that has literally changed the landscape of the league.
10. Basketball fans collectively weep...Bobi and Tobi have been separated.
One of the more endearing tales of friendship in sports or really any other facet of life really has been the very public frendship of teammates Boban Marjanovic and Tobias Harris. The 7'3 Serbian and the mild mannered New Yorker have been teammates since 2016 in Detroit but they really hit the social media world with their web series as members of the LA Clippers. The acquisition gods shined on us when Harris was traded to Philly and Bobi was included but alas all good things must come to an end.
We were not worthy. 9. I...don't hate the Chicago Bulls offseason thus far.
I know this has become a popular place to shit on the moves of the Chicago Bulls but I have to give credit where it's due. They have not been a complete dumpster fire. Now what they will do with this roster coaching wise remains to be seen but the roster moves themselves...I'm not opposed. First off they had a good draft, picking up my UNC son Coby White and in the second round grabbing Daniel Gafford who is giving me serious Taj Gibson vibes. We have some blind spots but picking up Thaddeus Young and Tomas Satoransky at least helps the team and ensures we are at best a middle of the pack team...again. 8. If you were mad at Durant for leaving OKC you better be furious at Paul George.
My God did Paul George ever screw a team over. I got no problem with players deciding their own destiny but this move really accelerates any plans of having a playoff caliber team in OKC this season.
Just one year after signing an extension to stay with the Thunder and having an MVP caliber season George demanded a trade because he wanted to play with his friend which I get. However Durant got called a snake for leaving when his contract was up so I'm looking forward to see what you Thunder fans have in store. 7. Where in the world does the Brodie land?
The fallout of the Paul George trade is that now the rebuild is on in OKC and that means the man who has put the team on his back and had no intention of leaving is probably gonna be shipped out. Given his contract there are very few places Russell Westbrook could land. It appears that given his loyalty to the team the Thunder are only going to ship Westbrook where he would like to play and so we are on the precipice of a Jimmy Butler and Russell Westbrook backcourt. So if you are a Heat player guess what...
6. The 76ers have one year to go all in before the Brooklyn juggernaut arises.
While Kevin Durant recuperates and the baby Nets get some experience while Kyrie and Deandre Jordan get the attention and or criticism, the Sixers who have been on the uptick the past two season have got to go all in before things get real difficult.
They did just that by bucking the small ball trend of other teams and going for possibly the biggest lineup in the league by signing Al Horford who silently is one of the best defenders in the league and really just a guy who you need when you have some of the biggest personalities in sports on the roster and yeah the Sixers have that in both Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid. 5. Little Brothers on each coast take over the town.
Coming into this season we, the basketball fan collective just KNEW the Lakers and Knicks would be players in free agency. And while the Lakers were able to acquire Anthony Davis the plan was to form a big three with Kawahi Leonard, Jimmy Butler, or any other top flight free agent.
As for the Knicks it was a foregone conclusion that Kyrie and KD would make their way to the Big Apple, and while they did it was the Nets luring them to Brooklyn. And then the damn Clippers pulled a miracle and got Kawhi Leonard AND Paul George. So while the Lakers are still in a good space, they are clearly the B-show in their own building and as for the Knicks I hear there is a good pizza place down the street from MSG at least. 4. Jerry West is the greatest NBA executive of all and it's not even close.
Ok, so let's run through Jerome Alan West's record as an executive shall we? In the late 70s he coached the Lakers for three seasons, making the playoffs all three seasons. In the 80s he helped construct the Showtime Lakers which won 5 championships. Rebuilt the Lakers in the 90s by trading Vlade Divac for a rookie shooting guard named Kobe Bryant, signed Shaquille O'Neal and and got Phil Jackson as coach. Boom, three more championships.
"Put some respect on my name bitches!"
Then he took it easy as general manager of the Memphis Grizzlies and turned them from a fledgling organization about to be sold to a regular playoff contender. Follow that with helping turn the Warriors in the juggernaut they were by signing Iguodala and Durant. Now in LA he has turned the Clippers into instant title contenders by signing to Kawhi and acquiring Paul George. Your. Fave. Could. Never.
3. Has any team ever recovered as fast as the New Orleans Pelicans?
Usually when a generational talent demands a trade or walks from a team, the team that loses him rarely gets fair compensation. The team tends to fall into the lottery and languish there for a years. See: the post Lebron Cavaliers. Not the Pelicans.
I could do this if I wanted to, I just don't want to.
First things first, they went out and got a real basketball man in David Griffin to run the team. And run it he did, turning Anthony Davis into Josh Hart, Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, a lottery pick that turned out to be Jaxson Hayes, signed JJ Reddick oh and chose some bozo named Zion Williamson. You hate to lose out on Anthony Davis but if you have to, restocking the cupboard like this is kind of a dream come true. 2. The Lakers lost out on Kawahi, and that's ok.
Lost in the fact the Lakers lost the Kawahi Leonard sweepstakes is that the Lakers vastly improved their roster into one capable of contending in the wide open Western Conference. First of all they've added Danny Green, Boogie Cousins, Avery Bradley, re-signed Rajon Rondo and most importantly they added one of the top three most talented players in the league in Anthony Davis.
Anthony Davis can do it all, and is probably the best shot blocker in the league with the ability to guard on the perimeter as well. Trust me when I say the Lake Show will be just fine. 1. Kawhi Leonard is Kayzer Soze.
Well, well, well. All the talk this offseason was how LeBron was acting as a pseudo GM all the while the Fun Guy himself lurked in the wings just waiting to drop the biggest bomb of the summer. Calling top stars to see who would like to join him on the west coast. Durant and Jimmy Butler decided against that move but he had one more call to make.
Keep laughing...
To the guy still under contract, Paul George. From there the Thunder and Clipper struck a deal sending Danillo Gallinari, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and a shit ton of picks for George, re-signing Patrick Beverly, and they still have enough to get a veteran on the minimum. We laughed at his laugh all last year, well now who's laughing?
Well that is all I have for now, I've been staying up until midnight watching Summer League and feeling old seeing that Trajan Langdon is a GM and Miles Simon is a coach.
