Thursday, September 19, 2019
Monday, September 9, 2019
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
August Sit Your Ass Down Award
What it is baby, what it is?! It is that time of year again where I, your favorite 8 time fantasy baseball participant takes time to give you , my loyal army of 10s what you need and what you crave. As with most months I didn't have a shortage of people who need to be told to have a damn seat. I was leaning towards the news anchor who told her black co-anchor he looked like a gorilla but then the heavens opened up and said to me..."Puma, this asshat has said something remarkably stupid." An lo and behold, the person who needs most to sit that ass down is...Doug Gottlieb! Dougie get your ass up here and sit your ass down.
Unfamiliar with who Doug Gottlieb is? Well he is an insufferable college basketball analyst and former player. Most known for his swift hands and penchant for steals.
Unfortunately those steals were not on the court but rather his teammate's credit cards. But I digress. When the news broke of Andrew Luck's retirement, Mr. Gottlieb felt it was the perfect time to bless the world with his insight.
You know Doug, you could have said nothing, yet what you chose to do was express a thought so stupid and void of any logic that even Britt McHenry rightly roasted that ass.
1. The use of millennial as an insult? Come on Doug, that the best you got?
2. Deciding to choose a life void of physical and mental pain caused by injuries in football is a bad thing? Help me out here.
3. If you listened to the entire 30 minute retirement press conference not once does Andrew Luck mention rehab being "too hard." He does mention mental anguish of the repetitive cycle of injury, rehab to get healthy, then injury, rehab to get healthy seemingly endlessly.
He also mentions that the game he once loved, had left him miserable. He's 29 years old. He has interests outside of football. If he can let go of the game and begin to become happy once again, who the hell is anyone to criticize it. Screw your team, screw your fantasy football, this is a man's life. A life he has worked hard for and should get to happily enjoy the fruits of said labor. But no, according to a man who has....
Zero NFL games under his belt he feels that a guy who in 6 years battled the following injuries:
*Torn cartilage in 2 ribs
* partially torn abdomen
* a lacerated kidney
* at least 1 concussion
* a torn labrum in his throwing shoulder
* and this mysterious calf/ankle issue that was the final straw
And his defense of his remarkably idiotic point?
"Anyone who hires a millennial will say, 'You know what, it’s kind of amazing, they’re really smart, kind of worldly, they come in, sort of think they know everything, but they’ll get after it and work hard.’ Then they want a raise like two weeks later. That sound like any football players you know? Want a raise as soon as they see any sort of success even though their contract says otherwise?"
How does that apply to Andrew Luck and his retiring? Because if memory serves correct Luck
earned his contract, never held out and lest I forget was wildly successful. A four time pro bowler, he led the league in touchdown passes in 2014, and was the Comeback Player of the Year just last season. That's a wildly successful career that had to be hard to walk away from, not the petulant actions of a brat who wasn't given what he wanted.
So to Doug Gottlieb, the man with credit card fraud, betrayal of the only coach to give him a second chance, and countless shitty takes, please grab this Lazy Boy and sit your ass down.
Unfamiliar with who Doug Gottlieb is? Well he is an insufferable college basketball analyst and former player. Most known for his swift hands and penchant for steals.
Retiring cause rehabbing is “too hard” is the most millennial thing ever #AndrewLuck— Doug Gottlieb (@GottliebShow) August 25, 2019
You know Doug, you could have said nothing, yet what you chose to do was express a thought so stupid and void of any logic that even Britt McHenry rightly roasted that ass.
1. The use of millennial as an insult? Come on Doug, that the best you got?
2. Deciding to choose a life void of physical and mental pain caused by injuries in football is a bad thing? Help me out here.
3. If you listened to the entire 30 minute retirement press conference not once does Andrew Luck mention rehab being "too hard." He does mention mental anguish of the repetitive cycle of injury, rehab to get healthy, then injury, rehab to get healthy seemingly endlessly.
He also mentions that the game he once loved, had left him miserable. He's 29 years old. He has interests outside of football. If he can let go of the game and begin to become happy once again, who the hell is anyone to criticize it. Screw your team, screw your fantasy football, this is a man's life. A life he has worked hard for and should get to happily enjoy the fruits of said labor. But no, according to a man who has....
*Torn cartilage in 2 ribs
* partially torn abdomen
* a lacerated kidney
* at least 1 concussion
* a torn labrum in his throwing shoulder
* and this mysterious calf/ankle issue that was the final straw
And his defense of his remarkably idiotic point?
"Anyone who hires a millennial will say, 'You know what, it’s kind of amazing, they’re really smart, kind of worldly, they come in, sort of think they know everything, but they’ll get after it and work hard.’ Then they want a raise like two weeks later. That sound like any football players you know? Want a raise as soon as they see any sort of success even though their contract says otherwise?"
 |
| Soft millennial, why don't you have some more avocado toast? |
earned his contract, never held out and lest I forget was wildly successful. A four time pro bowler, he led the league in touchdown passes in 2014, and was the Comeback Player of the Year just last season. That's a wildly successful career that had to be hard to walk away from, not the petulant actions of a brat who wasn't given what he wanted.
So to Doug Gottlieb, the man with credit card fraud, betrayal of the only coach to give him a second chance, and countless shitty takes, please grab this Lazy Boy and sit your ass down.
Monday, August 26, 2019
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Sunday, August 11, 2019
SummerSlam Weekend Extravaganza
The world is in disarray, social unrest and things just don't appear to be getting any better. In trying times like this I sit back and think what can I, ya boy, do to give the people what they want...no what the people need. Ah yes. The people need me out here waxing poetically on professional wrestling! Now I used to give my opinion on every match on the card but sweet lord I don't have 6 months to pontificate so instead I shall give you my five favorite moments from the year in professional wrestling so far. Enjoy jerks!
Honorable Mention:
*Shingo Takagi and his run through the New Japan Junior Heavyweights.
*Johnny Gargano finally winning the big one.
*The Return of Bray Wyatt as the Fiend.
5. Becky Lynch, Charlotte Flair and Ronda Rousey Headline Wrestlemania
We are just a few years removed from the era of women either getting no matches on the card or getting extremely demeaning matches and storylines. Flair, Rousey and Lynch closed out the show and what a match it was. The fans clamored for Becky Lynch to win the title and deep into the night she surprise pinned the mainstream favorite Ronda Rousey and became the first woman to win the main event.
We are just a few years removed from the era of women either getting no matches on the card or getting extremely demeaning matches and storylines. Flair, Rousey and Lynch closed out the show and what a match it was. The fans clamored for Becky Lynch to win the title and deep into the night she surprise pinned the mainstream favorite Ronda Rousey and became the first woman to win the main event.
4. The Indie Explosion Continues in NXT
As the main shows have called up talent from NXT there has always been the expectation that NXT would see a drop off in quality.
WRONG! Triple H has found ways to convince some of the worlds greatest Independent talent to join the WWE. ACH, Trevor Lee, Keith Lee, Jonah Rock and even managers such as Stokely Hathaway have all made their way to Stamford and just reloaded the yellow and black brand in time for a rumored move to FS1 and a two hour show.
As the main shows have called up talent from NXT there has always been the expectation that NXT would see a drop off in quality.
3. The Departure of Dean Ambrose and the Rise of Jon Moxley
When rumors began surfacing that Ambrose was unhappy and on the way out it was pretty widely accepted that he would either go into acting or just take a break and return back to the WWE. WRONG. Hours after his contract was up a trailer promising the return of Jon Moxley was up and return to his violent ways he did. Making a huge return at the AEW show attacking Kenny Omega.
He followed that up with matches against Joey Janela, winning the US Championship in New Japan Wrestling, and a highly entertaining run in the G1 Tournament. With AEW getting it's own tv show in October the legend of Mox should only grow.
2. Kofi Kingston Finally Winning the WWE Championship
I wrote about this a few months ago.
"So as a black wrestling fan, to see someone so unabashedly black, ascend to the point where he can be the first "one of us" kind of champions means a lot. Someone who has never changed who he was despite the fact he could have gotten to this point in his career much sooner had he done so. And to have it happen so organically just shows that fans are ready to not only believe in but also get behind and support a black champion."
Kofi followed through on that promise and is in the midst of a run that he has deserved for years.
"So as a black wrestling fan, to see someone so unabashedly black, ascend to the point where he can be the first "one of us" kind of champions means a lot. Someone who has never changed who he was despite the fact he could have gotten to this point in his career much sooner had he done so. And to have it happen so organically just shows that fans are ready to not only believe in but also get behind and support a black champion."
1. Cody VS Dustin Rhodes
My favorite moment of the year has been without a doubt the story told by Cody and Dustin Rhodes. The star on his way out, challenged by his younger brother all in the shadow of their father's legacy. The build to the match was done by excellent video packages and the match they put on was a brutal and bloody affair. The cherry on this storytelling sundae however was the post match promo delivered by Cody which echoed the famous "View Never Changes" promo Dusty gave Dustin before Clash of Champions.
Well there you have it, my favorite moments so far. With Summerslam tonight who knows if I will have to expand this list later.
My favorite moment of the year has been without a doubt the story told by Cody and Dustin Rhodes. The star on his way out, challenged by his younger brother all in the shadow of their father's legacy. The build to the match was done by excellent video packages and the match they put on was a brutal and bloody affair. The cherry on this storytelling sundae however was the post match promo delivered by Cody which echoed the famous "View Never Changes" promo Dusty gave Dustin before Clash of Champions.
Well there you have it, my favorite moments so far. With Summerslam tonight who knows if I will have to expand this list later.
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
July's Sit Your Ass Down Award
Another month has come and gone so it means it is time for I, ya boy, to give you what you want. Another sometimes angry, sometimes funny, always ridiculous takedown of someone who is just doing the most! This month, ooooh, buddy. Buckle up buckaroos because this shit has been percolating for a smooth minute. Donald J. Trump, get your clementine hued ass up here and sit your ass down!
Donald Trump is a piece of shit. I'm not really willing to hear any other opinions that differ from this. I say this not based on any of his policies, which are shit-tastic but on his damn near 40 year track record of being a boil on the ass of society prior to becoming president. "But how could you say that? He's not that bad!" Au contraire idiot. Allow me to run through Some of his greatest hits.
*Having the largest federal housing discrimination suit ever filed against him.
*The Central Park Five and repeated calls for their incarceration despite DNA evidence exonerating the five.
*In the book "Trumped" he reportedly said: "The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys wearing yarmulkes.... Those are the only kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else... Besides that, I tell you something else. I think that's guy's lazy. And it's probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks." This was later said to be true by *checks notes* Donald Trump in an interview with Playboy.
*After the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally he said that there were "very fine people on both sides." One side had white supremacists, neo-nazis, and members of the Klan. Very fine indeed.
*Telling democratic congresswomen to "Go back where they came from" despite the fact three were born here and all are citizens.
*Claimed Barack Obama wasn't born here and demanded to see his birth certificate. And if you don't understand how a con artist, demanding a black man to show his papers is racist as fuck do me a favor and block me now.
Woo alrighty, your boy is getting sufficiently heated. The fact that people are still shocked by what this charlatan does is probably the most surprising thing to me. And lest we forget he gave us the most awful sell of a Stone Cold Stunner that humanity has ever seen.
Alright, that's my time! You've been terrific!
 |
| Ya'll man is out here using scotch tape on his ties. Scotch. Tape. |
*Having the largest federal housing discrimination suit ever filed against him.
*The Central Park Five and repeated calls for their incarceration despite DNA evidence exonerating the five.
*In the book "Trumped" he reportedly said: "The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys wearing yarmulkes.... Those are the only kind of people I want counting my money. Nobody else... Besides that, I tell you something else. I think that's guy's lazy. And it's probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks." This was later said to be true by *checks notes* Donald Trump in an interview with Playboy.
*After the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally he said that there were "very fine people on both sides." One side had white supremacists, neo-nazis, and members of the Klan. Very fine indeed.
*Telling democratic congresswomen to "Go back where they came from" despite the fact three were born here and all are citizens.
*Claimed Barack Obama wasn't born here and demanded to see his birth certificate. And if you don't understand how a con artist, demanding a black man to show his papers is racist as fuck do me a favor and block me now.
Woo alrighty, your boy is getting sufficiently heated. The fact that people are still shocked by what this charlatan does is probably the most surprising thing to me. And lest we forget he gave us the most awful sell of a Stone Cold Stunner that humanity has ever seen.
Alright, that's my time! You've been terrific!
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