Unassailable Facts: Music Edition

 Been a minute since I have graced the page and for that I am sorry. The loyal legions of 5 people who read this blog deserve the hating and nonsensical rantings of a man currently in last place in his fantasy baseball league, so as the wise philosopher Ashanti once said "I'm not always there when you call but I'm always on time." In that spirit I shall present to you what I believe are facts that are scientifically proven to be true and frankly if you disagree with any of them I am going to look at you a little funny doggie. So without further ado...

*Anderson Paak is his generation's Andre 3000

Anyone who knows me knows how high in regard I hold Outkast, especially 3 Stacks. So when I say Anderson Paak is going to be his generation's Andre 3000 I mean it as the best compliment I can give. Let's look at the stats shall we? Both are wildly talented hip hop artists although given their eclectic styles it's hard to put them in a box. Both play multiple styles. Both are not afraid to step outside of their comfort zones such as Andre with "The Love Below" and Paak with his Silk Sonic project with Bruno Mars. 

* If you don't like the beat for Lemonade by Gucci Mane I don't trust you.

I mean this is a simple one, in 2009 Gucci Mane released "The State Vs Radric Davis." On that album was a little song produced by Bangladesh known for producing Bossy by Kelis and What's your Fantasy by Ludacris. That song was called Lemonade and it is infectious, banging, and frankly auditory perfection. Which brings me back to my original thesis, if you don't like this beat then you are untrustworthy.

*Jolene may be the baddest baddie of her era.

Dolly looked like this, how the hell did Jolene look?!

This is a space where we recognize the greatness of Dolly Parton. When "Jolene" was released she was without a doubt a certified baddie. That said, for her to be so concerned about Jolene given here baddie-ness leads me to one logical conclusion...Jolene had to be the baddest baddie of her era. That's the only thing that could lead Dolly to have such an intense confrontation! That's all I got. 

*Elvis may be the most famous culture vulture, but the most prolific is Kid Rock.

Pick a side Bob.

While yes there may be no more famous cultural appropriator than Elvis Presley who stole his whoe style from the bluesmen of the Mississippi delta, I submit to you that Kid Rock is the most prolific as he not only jocked the style of hip hop, he also yoinked the styles of southern rock and pretended to be a low income Detroit scumbag while growing up as the son of parents who owned multiple car dealerships.  

*The South won.

The South got something to say! 

During the whole East Coast vs West Coast rap beef the low key best rap pound for pound was actually occurring below the Mason Dixon line. Outkast, Geto Boys, UGK and on and on were all making their mark albeit without the nation wide attention. Hell by the early 2000s you even had New York cats copying the flow and style of some of the bigger Southern acts. So yes, while the hype went to the East and West Coast, look deep in your heart and tell me the South didn't come out as top the bottom the best of the era. 

There you have it, the most unassailable list out there. And if you disagree feel free to argue with your mama because your boy will block you. Just kidding! Or maybe I'm not, the best course of action is accept what I have said and you'll be alright. 

Alright, ya'll be easy.