Sit Your Ass Down Award for Old Times Sake

Oh boy. This is one of the funniest damn things I have ever written about and I am probably not going to get through this without completely losing all composure. So over the weekend Cardi B. and Megan Thee Stallion released a delightful little ditty for the ladies. So you know that it had some of the more petulant man-children upset and clutching their pearls. The most prominent of those man-boys who caught the vapors for women daring to uh let's say boast about the quality of a tryst with them was Ben Shapiro.

Shapiro seen here with friends.

You might remember Ben Shapiro from such classics as complaining about Star Wars having too many women in it, and going on an unhinged rant saying he was going to "pick up a gun" if someone tried to indoctrinate his kids into a LGBT lifestyle. Never mind the fact he looks like he isn't even strong enough to pick up a gun. 

I'll get my gunnnnnn! 

The thought of two women making a song about them actually enjoying sex ruffled his feathers to the point that he read the lyrics and with the voice of a man who had never even accidentally given either himself or a woman any joy whatsoever, he preceded to kill any and all feelings of arousal and turned it into the funniest thing I've seen. He proudly boasted "as I also discussed on the show, my only real concern is that the women involved -- who apparently require a "bucket and a mop" -- get the medical care they require. My doctor wife's differential diagnosis: bacterial vaginosis, yeast infection, or trichomonis." Wow. So one of two things is happening here. The first option is Shapiro and the Mrs. are both so unappealing that they actually believe this. Or the second, and frankly funnier option is his wife told him that the dryness was normal and she is hiding the truth from him and he is going to burst into his house and angrily shake his little baby hands at her while she tries not to laugh.

Mrs. Shapiro sitting and waiting for Benny to find out the truth.

And then to make this more annoying, we had a shit ton of dudes who are my age, going all Helen Lovejoy on us.

I speak directly to the men making these pleas, usually from the front seat of their car in an oddly abandoned parking lot, I implore you to please, and with all due respect...shut the hell up. We listened to Eminem in high school, and he was talking about decapitating his wife. Let the ladies have fun, lord knows they have earned it. Also the claims of "well I got a daughter and these girls look up to you." Stop bro. Don't depend on Cardi B to raise your daughter and be an example by not ridiculously criticizing something that clearly wasn't made for you. I'll never forget, my niece who was about 7 or so at the time, heard me bitching about some remake of a cartoon, and she told me "of course you don't like it, it wasn't made for you. Now leave me alone." And she was absolutely right. So fellas, with all due respect, it wasn't made for us, now leave these women alone and let them have fun.

Until next time, ya'll be easy.