Another month has come and gone so it means it is time for I, ya boy, to give you what you want. Another sometimes angry, sometimes funny, always ridiculous takedown of someone who is just doing the most! This month, ooooh, buddy. Buckle up buckaroos because this shit has been percolating for a smooth minute. Donald J. Trump, get your clementine hued ass up here and sit your ass down!
Ya'll man is out here using scotch tape on his ties. Scotch. Tape.
Donald Trump is a piece of shit. I'm not really willing to hear any other opinions that differ from this. I say this not based on any of his policies, which are shit-tastic but on his damn near 40 year track record of being a boil on the ass of society prior to becoming president. "But how could you say that? He's not that bad!" Au contraire idiot. Allow me to run through Some of his greatest hits.
Woo alrighty, your boy is getting sufficiently heated. The fact that people are still shocked by what this charlatan does is probably the most surprising thing to me. And lest we forget he gave us the most awful sell of a Stone Cold Stunner that humanity has ever seen.
My lawd. Just when you think the NBA has taken it's foot off the other major sports league's necks, even their free agency period is lit. This league is the best and if you want to argue find your third grade teacher and debate Ms. Hanover because ya boy will not hear it! It would be far too many moves for me to go through to try and grade each one but I will give you my 10 thoughts from this hectic ass week that has literally changed the landscape of the league.
10. Basketball fans collectively weep...Bobi and Tobi have been separated.
One of the more endearing tales of friendship in sports or really any other facet of life really has been the very public frendship of teammates Boban Marjanovic and Tobias Harris. The 7'3 Serbian and the mild mannered New Yorker have been teammates since 2016 in Detroit but they really hit the social media world with their web series as members of the LA Clippers. The acquisition gods shined on us when Harris was traded to Philly and Bobi was included but alas all good things must come to an end.
We were not worthy. 9. I...don't hate the Chicago Bulls offseason thus far.
I know this has become a popular place to shit on the moves of the Chicago Bulls but I have to give credit where it's due. They have not been a complete dumpster fire. Now what they will do with this roster coaching wise remains to be seen but the roster moves themselves...I'm not opposed. First off they had a good draft, picking up my UNC son Coby White and in the second round grabbing Daniel Gafford who is giving me serious Taj Gibson vibes. We have some blind spots but picking up Thaddeus Young and Tomas Satoransky at least helps the team and ensures we are at best a middle of the pack team...again. 8. If you were mad at Durant for leaving OKC you better be furious at Paul George.
My God did Paul George ever screw a team over. I got no problem with players deciding their own destiny but this move really accelerates any plans of having a playoff caliber team in OKC this season.
Just one year after signing an extension to stay with the Thunder and having an MVP caliber season George demanded a trade because he wanted to play with his friend which I get. However Durant got called a snake for leaving when his contract was up so I'm looking forward to see what you Thunder fans have in store. 7. Where in the world does the Brodie land?
The fallout of the Paul George trade is that now the rebuild is on in OKC and that means the man who has put the team on his back and had no intention of leaving is probably gonna be shipped out. Given his contract there are very few places Russell Westbrook could land. It appears that given his loyalty to the team the Thunder are only going to ship Westbrook where he would like to play and so we are on the precipice of a Jimmy Butler and Russell Westbrook backcourt. So if you are a Heat player guess what...
6. The 76ers have one year to go all in before the Brooklyn juggernaut arises.
While Kevin Durant recuperates and the baby Nets get some experience while Kyrie and Deandre Jordan get the attention and or criticism, the Sixers who have been on the uptick the past two season have got to go all in before things get real difficult.
They did just that by bucking the small ball trend of other teams and going for possibly the biggest lineup in the league by signing Al Horford who silently is one of the best defenders in the league and really just a guy who you need when you have some of the biggest personalities in sports on the roster and yeah the Sixers have that in both Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid. 5. Little Brothers on each coast take over the town.
Coming into this season we, the basketball fan collective just KNEW the Lakers and Knicks would be players in free agency. And while the Lakers were able to acquire Anthony Davis the plan was to form a big three with Kawahi Leonard, Jimmy Butler, or any other top flight free agent.
As for the Knicks it was a foregone conclusion that Kyrie and KD would make their way to the Big Apple, and while they did it was the Nets luring them to Brooklyn. And then the damn Clippers pulled a miracle and got Kawhi Leonard AND Paul George. So while the Lakers are still in a good space, they are clearly the B-show in their own building and as for the Knicks I hear there is a good pizza place down the street from MSG at least. 4. Jerry West is the greatest NBA executive of all and it's not even close.
Ok, so let's run through Jerome Alan West's record as an executive shall we? In the late 70s he coached the Lakers for three seasons, making the playoffs all three seasons. In the 80s he helped construct the Showtime Lakers which won 5 championships. Rebuilt the Lakers in the 90s by trading Vlade Divac for a rookie shooting guard named Kobe Bryant, signed Shaquille O'Neal and and got Phil Jackson as coach. Boom, three more championships.
"Put some respect on my name bitches!"
Then he took it easy as general manager of the Memphis Grizzlies and turned them from a fledgling organization about to be sold to a regular playoff contender. Follow that with helping turn the Warriors in the juggernaut they were by signing Iguodala and Durant. Now in LA he has turned the Clippers into instant title contenders by signing to Kawhi and acquiring Paul George. Your. Fave. Could. Never.
3. Has any team ever recovered as fast as the New Orleans Pelicans?
Usually when a generational talent demands a trade or walks from a team, the team that loses him rarely gets fair compensation. The team tends to fall into the lottery and languish there for a years. See: the post Lebron Cavaliers. Not the Pelicans.
I could do this if I wanted to, I just don't want to.
First things first, they went out and got a real basketball man in David Griffin to run the team. And run it he did, turning Anthony Davis into Josh Hart, Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram, a lottery pick that turned out to be Jaxson Hayes, signed JJ Reddick oh and chose some bozo named Zion Williamson. You hate to lose out on Anthony Davis but if you have to, restocking the cupboard like this is kind of a dream come true. 2. The Lakers lost out on Kawahi, and that's ok.
Lost in the fact the Lakers lost the Kawahi Leonard sweepstakes is that the Lakers vastly improved their roster into one capable of contending in the wide open Western Conference. First of all they've added Danny Green, Boogie Cousins, Avery Bradley, re-signed Rajon Rondo and most importantly they added one of the top three most talented players in the league in Anthony Davis.
Anthony Davis can do it all, and is probably the best shot blocker in the league with the ability to guard on the perimeter as well. Trust me when I say the Lake Show will be just fine. 1. Kawhi Leonard is Kayzer Soze.
Well, well, well. All the talk this offseason was how LeBron was acting as a pseudo GM all the while the Fun Guy himself lurked in the wings just waiting to drop the biggest bomb of the summer. Calling top stars to see who would like to join him on the west coast. Durant and Jimmy Butler decided against that move but he had one more call to make.
Keep laughing...
To the guy still under contract, Paul George. From there the Thunder and Clipper struck a deal sending Danillo Gallinari, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and a shit ton of picks for George, re-signing Patrick Beverly, and they still have enough to get a veteran on the minimum. We laughed at his laugh all last year, well now who's laughing?
Well that is all I have for now, I've been staying up until midnight watching Summer League and feeling old seeing that Trajan Langdon is a GM and Miles Simon is a coach.
The summer months have begun to heat up and so has the asshattery of a few people. This month however there was no competition. People who want to shit on the recent talk of reparations, bring your ass up here and sit your ass down. You about to get this work!
Look at this turtle faced bastard
So earlier this year a bill was introduced into congress which reignited the highly divisive topic of reparations for African Americans. Judging from some of the talks you would think the bill introduced was suggesting every black person gets to go in a white person's house and take a few items of their choosing. Not true, H.R. 40 introduced into congress by Rep. Sheila Lee "establishes the Commission to Study and Develop Reparation Proposals for African-Americans to examine slavery and discrimination in the colonies and the United States from 1619 to the present and recommend appropriate remedies." Yeah that's right, people are losing their shit over a a bill that forms a committee to do research.
Brief tangent here, why is it that when the topic of reparations comes up people expect a fully formed plan of action? There is no working through options, there is no let's hear ideas, it's "well how you gonna pay for it?" Well jackass maybe someone should introduce a bill to do a little research. Jesus Phillipe Christ!
One of my favorite oppositions to the talks of reparations is, well no one alive today was a slave owner and to that I say kiss the most chocolate portion of my taut and firm ass. No shit no one alive today was around but I don't know, maybe the system of trading and breaking up families may have some effects that could take a while to fix. And when you throw on top of that the era of Jim Crow until say....I don't know say 1968 you may have set a group of people back based clearly on their race and that should be rectified. So ignoring the sin of slavery (some of you are good at that) you still have the sin of housing discrimination, educational discrimination, societal discrimination to atone for and there are ways that can be done.
And for Mitch McConnell to fix his non-existent lips to say "We've tried to deal with our original sin of slavery by fighting a civil war, by passing landmark civil rights legislation. We elected an African American president..."
Who's man is this?
1. Slaves fought for their freedom as well, and if we're gonna talk about the Civil War, can we also talk about how for every slave that was freed their "owner" got $300. Yeah, they lost and still got paid.
2. The country passed landmark civil rights legislation this is true, but it doesn't mean shit if you try rolling back a lot of those landmark bills.
3. Electing a black president doesn't count as reparations you Mason Verger stunt double. And implying that it is counts as a wildly insulting and condescending claim.
"We gave you blacks a president, what more do you want?!"
So in summation, Ol' Mitchy can get the hell out of here with that.
And before I go, if the idea of again doing research on reparations is going to push someone to vote for Donald Trump, let me clue you in on a little secret...THEY WERE VOTING FOR HIM ALREADY. Woo lawd my blood pressure is up. Let me get out of here and think about something more calming. Like the imminent return of Rick and Morty!
