The Puma Grades the NBA Draft

Ah yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year for us basketball nerds. It's NBA Draft followed by free agency baby! First off let me get this off my chest. The NBA is the best league out there, this is not up for debate, if you want to debate go and debate your mother. They give us a compelling series where a team that's been a juggernaut through the last half a decade becomes scrappy under dogs due to injury and then not even 48 hours later we get the blockbuster trade that sends Anthony Davis to the Lakers. My God Adam Silver, let us breathe! With all that said let's get your boy's thoughts on the top ten picks.

1. New Orleans Pelicans: Zion Williamson, PF, Duke
This may be the biggest duh pick in the recent history. The Pelicans go from being a clown show and losing out on a generational talent without fair compensation with Anthony Davis wanting out to getting 3 NBA ready talents in Lonzo Ball, Brandon Ingram and Josh Hart, plus a draft pick then boom they win the lottery and get the most insane athlete since LeBron.

You gotta be kidding me.

 Seriously guys his size should not be able to move the way he does, be that fast and jump that high. He's more than just a dunker though, he has a great defensive feel and for a player of his caliber shows an unselfishness that's quite refreshing.
Grade: A+

2. Memphis Grizzlies: Ja Morant, PG, Murray State
This guy is by far the most ridiculously athletic point guard I have seen probably since Derrick Rose. What really jumps out to me watching him play is his defensive tenacity. Long arms and elite speed side to side means he is always in front of his man.

Rebounds remarkably well, and although he isn't Steph Curry level on the three point shot, his form is solid and has shown an ability to knock down those long range shots. I think he is going to be the perfect piece to add to Jaren Jackson Jr. and begin the next era of Memphis Grizzlies basketball.
Grade: A +

3. New York Knicks: RJ Barrett, SF, Duke
RJ Barrett in any other year is probably the sure fire top pick.  A very capable scorer who while his jumper is technically sound, the shots didn't drop at the frequency you'd like. However even with all that there is a reason he was the top prospect in his high school class.

He is an elite scorer, with an unparalleled basketball IQ, I mean his father is an executive with Canada basketball and his godfather is Steve Nash.  He does at times have a tendency to play hero ball but if your consolation prize is RJ Barrett I think you're going to be just fine.
Grade: A+

4. Atlanta Hawks: Deandre Hunter, SF, Virginia
Virginia is quietly building a reputation as a pro factory. Their players are always well coached and have a great feel for the game and Hunter is no exception. The lanky 6'7 forward is reminiscent of Toronto's Paskal Siakim. Excellent defender and is able to guard any position on the floor. And given the limitations that offensive super nova Trae Young has he is the perfect player to be paired with him.
Grade: A

5. Cleveland Cavaliers: Darius Garland, SG, Vanderbilt
Garland himself is a bit of a wild card but I see why any team would want him. He only played in 5 games but displayed a speed and elusiveness that any coach would be ecstatic to have. Where my trepidation comes in is the Cavs drafted a point guard last year in Collin Sexton. Now why would one draft two point guards in the lottery unless one is on the way out or they are planning some really weird lineups now that former U of Michigan coach John Beilein is the coach. Either way seems like a wing player would have been a more prudent choice.
Grade: C+

6. Minnesota Timberwolves: Jarrett Culver, SG, Texas Tech
This appears to be a case of drafting the best player on the board and in this case that appears to be the strategy. There is already a glut of wing players on the team but Culver is easily better than a lot of them. A very diverse skilled offensive player, who's only weaknesses are all thing that can be improved upon easily. He needs to add weight to his frame, and he has to tighten the handles up but I would expect him to come into next season working on all those things. If the Wolves can get a buyer for Andrew Wiggins deal a backcourt with Culver certainly makes the Wolves a playoff contender.
Grade: B

7. Chicago Bulls: Coby White, PG, North Carolina
I am wild excited about this pick. It combines two of my irrational loves. UNC Basketball and Chicago Bulls basketball. And while one has given me more joy than the other in recent years I just can't get off this narcotic as Bomani Jones would say.

Can play either backcourt position and has a diverse offensive skill set. Capable of hitting the three from NBA range and has an ability to get to the rim and finish with either hand. Given how aggressive he is it is quite refreshing to see he is also quite unselfish. His speed can be to his detriment as he moves so fast that he gets ahead of plays and passes at that speed can be inaccurate, all things however that can be improved.
Grade: A+

8. New Orleans Pelicans: Jaxson Hayes, C, Texas
Did anyone have a better draft week than the Pelicans? Seriously. They trade Anthony Davis, get two starter level players and a very good bench player. Then they go with the biggest duh in recent draft history with Zion Williamson at one. Given all the new offensive options to go along with Jrue Holiday, they needed a little defense. Enter Jaxson Hayes. An elite post defender with the speed and agility that allows him to play perfect pick and roll defense. An adept offensive rebounder who can finish and shoots free throws at an impressive clip for a big man he could be a day one starter for the newly exciting Pelicans.

Grade: A

9. Washington Wizards: Rui Hachimura, SF/PF, Gonzaga
A very confident and well coached player. He came to the game a little late so sometimes he looks little awkward but it also means all the bad habits one would pick up over the years he has not. A very solid defensive player, and shoots free throws at a very good clip for a player of his position. Very good ball handler and passer who can even bring the ball up the court. Not sure if he'll be an all-star but definitely think he's going to have a very long and productive career.
Grade: B

10. Atlanta Hawks: Cam Reddish, SG/SF, Duke
Rounding out the top ten is the third Duke player so far and it fills me with disgust. That said I fully expect Reddish to be much more at home in the NBA than he was at Duke. He was the third option who at times seemed to force shots in an effort to get his shine. Very good finisher, although not physical relies more on finesse.An underrated defender as his over 7 foot wingspan allows him to rebound well when inspired and he does get quite a few help side blocks. Atlanta gets great value and  great running mate to Trae Young.
Grade: B+



And there you have it. I like everyone else knew the top three after that shit got wild which is part of the fun baby. Now that the rookies are in place will this kick off free agency to it's exciting crescendo that tells us where all the major pieces fall? Does Paul Pierce shit his pants and play it off as an injury so he can get wheeled off without people seeing his shit caked shorts? You know the answer is yes! Not sure how this turned into roasting Paul Pierce but here we are. Alright, you guys take it easy.

May's Sit Your Ass Down Award

The time has come for me, ya boy, the puma of chocolate origins to give you, my loyal fives of readers my opinion on who needs to have a seat. As with the previous months there have been no shortage of candidates who have been doing so much that they need to be told to have a seat. This month a group who has long needed to be told to have a seat...BASEBALL PURISTS! Get your ass up here and sit your ass down.

People wonder why baseball is waning in popularity and I could point to some reasons such as poor promotion of it's talents. Seriously, Mike Trout is a once in a generation talent, and if he were to walk in here with a sandwich board on that said "I'm Mike Trout" I'd still need to see two forms of government ID to know who he was.

...which one is Mike Trout?

No the big reason baseball is waning in popularity is it is legislating the fun right out the game with the so called "unwritten rules of the game." What are these unwritten rules you may be asking? Let's go over just a few so you can decide how absurd they are. And spoiler alert, they're all ridiculously absurd.
"Don't celebrate after hitting a home run."

So let me get this straight, you want me to hit a baseball that I don't know where it's going, being hurled at 90+ miles per hour, combine hand-eye coordination to decide whether or not to swing and whether to pull or go with the pitch all within a quarter of a second and not celebrate if I hit it 400 feet? You must be joking. I hit a home run I'm having a damn tea party in the batter's box and everyone is invited.

"Don't show up the pitcher."
In regards to my last rule where one does all he needs to and hits a home run you can't celebrate this physical marvel at all. You are supposed to put your head down and just chug along around the bases lest you hurt the pitcher's feelings.

Just keep chugging...

The hell is that nonsense? Again, if I hit a home run I may do the snap dance around the bases. You know what may be showing up the pitcher? Hitting a 500 foot home run! It's team fuck being humble over here baby!

"You can't bunt to break up a no hitter." 
So let me get this straight...

How dare he get on base?!

In a game where the goal is to get on base and score runs, if a team has no hits you aren't supposed to use a method of getting on base because...reasons? That makes absolutely no damn sense! A bunt is not a guaranteed hit, field your damn position and get the runner out if you want to keep your no hitter.
So there you have it, baseball needs more Tim Andersons, less jack wagons like the super sensitive Kansas City Royals pitcher who can't handle a bat flip and hits guys in the head and your game may be saved.

This is now a Tim Anderson stan page. Thanks.