January 2019 Sit Your Ass Down Award

We have made it through the first month of the year and while I debated taking a breakski from issuing summons to have a seat, I thought of you, my loyal fives of readers and said to myself, "Self! You gotta give the people what they need." So without further adieu I give you the leadoff batter in the 2019 cavalcade of assclowns. There have been so many options for this, but in the last week and a half there has been a new clubhouse leader.

TOM BRADY! Put your Uggs on and get your ass up here and sit your ass down.

This bastard...

Now why are you telling the possible greatest quarterback of all time to sit down for? Well after the Patriots defeated the Kansas City Chiefs to go to the Super Bowl, Tom Brady was heard telling Chris Hogan how Brady was too old and Hogan was too slow and no one believed in them. Which would be a something to hang your hat on if it were true.

Yes people have remarked how Brady's stats have declined due to age because, well that's what happens. Father Time is undefeated so pointing that out isn't doubting anyone. Over the last three seasons his passing yards, passing yards per game, Touchdown percentage, quarterback rating and QBR have all declined.

So to say Brady isn't who he used to be isn't a knock, it means you have eyes. Doesn't mean the man isn't the GOAT or right there, just means he's 41 and he lost some zip on the fastball.

Even with that, coming into the season Vegas had the Patriots as the presumptive favorites over the team that had just beat them in the last Super Bowl. And that just isn't an anomaly. Tom Brady led teams have been favored in 68 straight games. The Patriots have been to 9 Super Bowls, he is a 14 time Pro Bowler, 3 times All Pro and a 3 time MVP, he is the definition of the perennial favorite.

So as we head to the 9th Super Bowl in 18 years with a Tom Brady led team, the greatest coach of all time, possibly the bets tight end since Tony Gonzalez, we have to hear made up stories about being doubted. Cut the crap Tom. Go full heel. That's right, come out on the field dressed like Hollywood Hogan and use the Lombardi trophy as an air guitar.

Do it Tom...embrace the dark side.