2018 Sit Your Ass Down Grand Champion

Hi, I'm the Chocolate Puma. You may remember me from such as posts as calling out the sentient boil on the ass of American journalism Megyn Kelly out for her many transgressions over the years  or from laughing at the fact Bill Cosby is spending years in prison for his crimes..

Me when I realized I hadn't given the people what they need.

I'd like to take a moment and thank you, the fives of readers for enjoying or at the very least tolerating your boy. Now that we got that out the way I decided to name to you, the person who above all needs to grab that royal Ethan Allen and grab a seat.
Lena Dunham! You bring your wonky ass up here and grab this seat and sit your ass down!

I lied about a sexual assault victim, give me my cover story! 

Where do I even begin with this ridiculous person. Oh I know! How about when instead of supporting a victim of abuse on her show she instead smeared said victim, lied about it, then basically goes "My bad" in a damn guest spot for the Hollywood Reporter. Like the gall to sit there, and write out this long ridiculous ass apology and get applauded for it.

That's pretty bad, what else are you holding against her. Well hold tight buddy because heee comes the lightning round.

*The time she accused Odell Beckham of deciding she wasn't up to his standards and didn't want to sleep with her. All of this because he actually just stayed on his phone and didn't bother her.

*The time she wished she had an abortion.

*The time she created a whole ass version of a major urban city with nary a brown person in sight.

I could go on and on, and frankly I won't even get into her book she wrote which is chock full of moments where you're yelling at the pages which further cements my extreme dislike of the aforementioned Ms. Dunham. I seriously have a visceral reaction when I see her name because I know where she goes, ridiculous assclownery is sure to follow.

Well with that said, allow me to wish you a very Happy New Year's, stay safe, and remember in 2019 I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

30 Years of the Simpsons? Ay Caramba!

While listening to one of my favorite podcasts it was brought to my attention that a certain show just had it's 30th anniversary. That's right folks the greatest television show of all time, The Simpsons. No, I will not debate this. The first 11 seasons were pure GOLD. That's 248 episodes of just episodic perfection. In honor of this I am going to give you...just a few of my favorite moments. What? Did you think I was gonna give you 30 moments? This is free content baby.

Best One Time Character:
Hank Scorpio

South Park had a joke a few years ago about how the Simpsons had already done everything we're seeing today. Turns out it is like that with people as well because damned if they didn't give us Elon Musk all the way back in 1996. The super friendly and also maniacally mad super villain had some amazing one liners. From throwing his shoes out the door in the middle of a fun run to blowing up bridges as a means of intimidation, Scorpio was an amazing use of Albert Brooks. And he gave Homer the Denver Broncos! What a guy.

Best Random Conversation:

I absolutely lose it whenever I see this. I mean it's just so damn ridiculous, who is Mabel?! I have incorporated this saying into my day to day life so much that if you spend any amount of time with me I will probably have quoted this.

The Line I'm Most Likely to Use and Annoy My Wife:
Boy I tell you it could any of the thousands of lines I use daily but the one that I am quite positive elicits an eyeroll is when I quote Marge being shocked at 8 spices being in a spice rack and with a shocked and confused look as she picks one up and reads the label is pure gold.


Most Underrated Character:
Abe Simpson

Without a doubt the senile old coot that raised Homer is by far the most underrated character in my eyes. Not to mention some of the lines he drops, my God, hyseterical. Sometimes he doesn't even have to say anything, just his walking in the room is enough to make me lose it. You know what I'm talking about. Oh you don't?

Just amazing. Never change Abraham, never change.

Best Kent Brockman Lines:
It's hard to choose one. So I won't.




The Line I'm Most Likely to Say At A BBQ Spot:

Best Song In An Episode:

This episode in itself is perfection. A mix of great cameos, a ridiculous premise, and Homer getting the win in an embarrassing fashion. The song was just the cherry on top of a delicious sundae.

Best Advice Given:

I think the best part of this advice is that it was given to Homer on his wedding day. Ladies and gentlemen Abe Simpson is the GOAT for a damn reason!

Well I am sure I left some of your favorite moments off but this is what came to mind and made me laugh extremely hard.

5 To Look Out For In The World of Wrestling- 2018 Edition

Another year, another massive amount of time watching grainy youtube clips, following twitter accounts of Japanese wrestling companies, and listening to hours and hours of wrestling podcast to compile 5 people who I would look out for in the coming year. Without further adieu I give you my unsolicited opinion!

5. Veda Scott
I first saw her when she was a backstage interviewer with Ring of Honor. Fast forward a bit and she was the heel manager for Cedric Alexander and holy crap she was awesome. Playing up her real life law background she was the perfect mouthpiece for Cedric citing injunctions and threatening lawsuits for title shots.

As a manager, interviewer or performer she has it.

Now she is tearing it up in ring all over the world, mainly in Japan (at least from what I have seen of her.) I would love it if she ended up in next year's Mae Young Classic and eventually NXT or WWE.
4. Jeff Cobb

This is a Tour of the Islands I will pass on.

A former Olympic wrestler from Guam he has made the transition from the mat to the ring flawlessly. He combines mat based technicality along with a power game that is remarkable. Currently he is the Television champion in Ring of Honor and moonlighting in New Japan as well. In the coming year I am salivating at the idea of a feud between Cobb and Tomohiro Ishii or even Minoro Suzuki.

3. Trevor Lee
Trained by the Hardy Boys, the Carolina Cave Man is one of the most talented wrestlers not signed by the WWE. The guy can do it all as he exhibited by his time in TNA.

He can be a charismatic cult leader (See: "The Cult of Lee"), he can be a comedy act, and he does all of this while doing some AMAZING work in the ring. He's well on his way to a great career and I would think he'll be signed to NXT sooner rather than later.

2. Adam "Hangman" Page
I first became aware of him when he was in The Decade in Ring of Honor. Wasn't that big of a fan of him to be honest but when he turned heel and joined the Bullet Club and became Hangman Page he took it to a whole new level. He was a new kind of unhinged heel who was in control of every move. Not to mention the athleticism he brings is just insane.

I would also say no wrestler has increased his profile more through a Youtube show than the Hangman. Seriously. Go watch him

1. Shane Strickland

Top of the list of guys to look out for is none other than Swerve himself, Shane Strickland or Killshot if you're a fan of Lucha Underground. This dude has charisma like no one else, couple that with an ability to wrestle a high flying style, a ground based style and even a submission style, he can do it all. Rumored to be signed to WWE, the fantasy booking of Swerve vs Ricochet and Swerve vs Adam Cole has already got my nerdy ass abuzz.

Well folks, there you have it. 5 people who you now can take the time and watch them perform. Or you can wait a few months and I'll probably end up writing a self congratulatory post taking credit for any rises that they may have made in that time. I'm betting the latter happens.