July's Sit Your Ass Down Award

After a brief sabbatical from telling people who I have very little chance of running into to have a seat, I am back, refreshed and ready to give you, the loyal fives of readers the nonsensical ravings of a loud-mouthed malcontent. So it is without further ado that I present to you the person most worthy of being told to grab a Lazy Boy. Now as is the case with most months there was no shortage of people who could b told to have a damn seat and last week this month's recipient shone through like a bright light. 

Dak Prescott, bring your milquetoast ass up here so you can sit your ass down! 

Prescott drops back to pass! 

You may be thinking "Well Puma, what did Dak do beside not lead the Cowboys to a playoff victory?" 

Is that a poorly thought out take? On my way! 

Well I'll tell ya, after the just damn idiotic statement and rule put out by the Dallas Cowboys that if you play for them you have to be at attention for the national anthem. Prescott, who could have said nothing mind you, decided to take it a step further.

"For me, I'm all about making a change and making a difference, and I think this whole kneeling and all of that was just about raising awareness and the fact that we're still talking about social injustice years later. I think we've gotten to that point. I think we've proved, we know the social injustice, I'm up for taking the next step, whatever the next step may be, for action and not just kneeling."

Oh Rayne Dakota Prescott, you stupid, goofy man. The hell are you talking about son? I'm just gonna focus on the part that could have easily been solved with a google search. "I'm up for taking the next step, whatever the next step may be, for action and not just kneeling." You're all for action? What the hell have you done?

As for those guys kneeling you can easily see what they have done. Colin Kapernick has given away a million dollars, Chris Long donated his entire 2017 salary, meanwhile Malcom Jenkins has been meeting lawmakers and police organizations in an effort to create dialogue.

I wanna see action he says to the guy speaking TO CONGRESS

You know how I found that out? Google. The only thing Dak has done in that time is managed to get jumped on spring break. 

Feel how you wanna feel about protesting during the anthem but because of his dismissive "I wanna see action," he definitely needs to be the first one to grab a seat, realign his chakras and prepare for the annual sports tradition of the Cowboys being bounced from playoff contention by Christmas. Well that's all I have for right now. 

Extreme Rules 2018 Preview

Ah yes folks it's that time again. We're on the road to Extreme Rules. While the storylines have been a little stagnant I am still here to give you, the 5's of readers who like these what you want, nay what you need. Without further ado I give you my picks.


The New Day vs Sanity (Tables Match)
The New Day are in that weird spot where they don't really need the titles but they are so popular you have to find ways to get them to the audience. This is a perfect spot for them against a debuting stable that if you do not follow NXT you may be unfamiliar with. Eric Young conveys a very unhinged psycho, Killian Dain is a tank with a Ferrari engine and Alexander Wolfe is woefully underrated.

What a damn weirdo.

I expect a pretty good match to kick the evening off and get the crowd into it. New Day doesn't need to win to remain popular so I think we can expect the newbies to go over in a competitive battle.
Winner: Sanity

Kevin Owens vs Braun Strowman (Steel Cage Match)
One of the funniest running gags over the last few months has been Braun Strowman going out of his way to bowl over and find creative ways to give Kevin Owens' them hands.

This is going to be nothing short of a squash match essentially but I fully expect Owens to knock the big man down at least once so he can take solace in that.
Winner: Braun Strowman

Finn Balor vs Baron Corbin
Since debuting his Constable Corbin gimmick and shaving his head Baron Corbin has actually been entertaining. As the eyes and ears of the corporation he has a prominent role whether he is in the ring or backstage. Finn Balor on the other hand while not being uninteresting has been kind of lost and really needs something creatively to do.

Personally I wouldn't be mad if he was next in line for the Intercontinenatal Championship but that's booking ahead. I think that Balor will get the win simply because he is more over than Corbin who could eat a loss and use it as a reason to stack the deck against Balor going forward.
Winner: Finn Balor

Shinuske Nakamura vs Jeff Hardy (United States Championship)
While a bite from a police dog has seriously derailed how entertaining a feud between these two weirdos could have been I'm still excited about this match. You got the still pretty athletic style of Jeff Hardy against the strong style of Nakamura who if we're being honest probably should have been given the chance to beat Styles and be champion.

Hardy has been dealing with some injuries apparently and Nakamura has to win a title in one of his chances here before he gets the label of unable to win the big one.
Winner: Nakamura

Roman Reigns vs Bobby Lashley
Sigh. This match. We all know we're leading to Roman vs Brock...again. Which is a shame because Lashley for as uninteresting as he is has a very impressive MMA record. Putting the two of them together, maybe even have Lashley as the one who slays the beast could lead to the best Lashley there is, super arrogant asshole Bobby Lashley.

Yay...Brock-Roman...again.

Instead we'll get a superman punch, spear, and another month of "This is my yard!" "No! Suplex city bitch!" Save us Braun Strowman.
Winner: Roman Reigns

Seth Rollins vs Dolph Ziggler (Iron Man Match for Intercontinental Title)
I definitely expect this match to steal the show which let's face it, Seth Rollins is becoming notorious for. Teaming Ziggler with Drew McIntyre has been genius as it seemingly has lit a spark under him as the reboot this Shawn Michaels/Diesel relationship again.

Nice show you got there...be a shame if someone stole it.

As for Rollins, he has done a great job elevating the Intercontinental title to a very important level, that said I think he has outgrown this spot so I would say he loses this match to move on to chasing the Universal title.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Team Hell No vs The Bludgeon Brothers (Smackdown Tag Team Championship)
I never knew I would pop so hard to see Kane return for the billionth time but hey 2018 is weird. You have so much history in this match. You got the Bludegon Brothers vs Bryan as part of the Wyatt Family, you got Kane who has battled and battled along side Bryan.

I think we're gonna get a very entertaining match as I think Luke Harper may be the MVP as he is woefully underrated. In the end the Bludgeon Brothers should go over as I see this as nothing more than a stop gap feud for Daniel Bryan.
Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers

Asuka vs Carmella (Smackdown Women's Championship, Ellsworth suspended from a shark cage)
This one may be the hardest one for me to call. On one hand Asuka should kick Carmella so hard that it caves her chest in. On the other hand I could totally see Carmella finding a way to escape with the title. With Ellsworth suspended in a shark cage you just know he's gonna get involved in some way. My guess is he causes a disqualification which gets Asuka a win because she can't keep taking pins but allows Carmella to hold the title until Summerslam which would b a much bigger moment for Asuka to capture the title.
Winner: Asuka (By DQ)

The B-Team vs Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt (Raw Tag Team Championship)
The B-Team has carved out quite the little hot streak since the Miz was sent to Smackdown. They are perfectly cast as a comedy heel team and should provide enough of a threat to push the Woken Warrior and the Eater of Worlds. This however is going to be another one where we already know the outcome. Hopefully after this Hardy and Wyatt can move on to my team of choice as their next opponents, the top guys!

Hit the damn music!
Winner: Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt

Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss (Raw Women's Championship)
This is a confusing one. I mean what the hell was the point of any of the initial feud, the subsequent Rousey feud and back to this feud. Creative has done no favors for Nia Jax in this regard. First she was being bullied, then she was the bully now she's back to being bullied. The hell? Given that Ronda Rousey is going to be in the audience I would expect her to get involved and this is probably going to lead to a triple threat match at Summerslam.
Winner: Alexa Bliss

Rusev vs AJ Styles (WWE Championship)
AJ Styles is one of the best wrestlers in the world. That said this run as champion has kind of been boring. Not bad but it's not blowing the doors off by any means. Opposite of that is the ridiculously popular Rusev...DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! In a perfect world Rusev shocks the world and we celebrate Rusev Day with a world title.

Unfortunately I don't think this is going to be the case. I expect AJ Styles to win and hopefully move on to face Samoa Joe because I want to live in a world where the Samoan named Joe is a world champion.
Winner: AJ Styles

And there we have it folks, another ppv successfully prognosticated. I would say I've earned a treat. So I am off to sneak some of my son's goldfish. I hope he doesn't notice.