The Chocolate Puma Mock Draft

 Hot damn it’s been a while since I last dusted off the old blog but damn it I am still here, I’m still standing, I’m still strong! With that being said I figured why not give you all what not a single human being asked for. That’s right, it’s NFL draft season and ya boy figures you all may be craving the unsolicited opinion of a third place finisher in a fantasy football league. But first just a few hot takes.

*Did I not call the last two Super Bowls and how they would turn out? You’re damn right. Basically never bet against Patrick Lavon Mahomes II.

*What is it with the Jets and Falcons putting their hopes and dreams into old quarterbacks coming off Achilles injuries? Maybe I’m old school but that’s an injury that takes a little time to come back from.

*The Bears failed Justin Fields and I was happy to see him go. I think the world of the kid as a player and as a leader you can tell he was respected as the entire locker room rallied behind him. He could have been better but to hold a season where they tanked, a season where the head coach didn’t want to start him over Andy Dalton and whatever the hell Luke Getsy was doing just doesn’t seem right. At least the team did right by him and sent him where he wanted to go.

With those things off my chest here are my guesses on who the top ten picks in the draft will be, and no I am not predicting trades. 

1. Chicago Bears

Team needs: QB, EDGE, DT, WR, IOL, LB, S
Selection:  Caleb Williams, QB- USC

Who I’d Draft: Williams

Probably the biggest duh of the draft at this point. He is a former Heisman trophy winner and has all the physical tools you’d want. He is also coming into a situation that no other number one pick has come into as it’s not a complete dumpster fire. 

2. Washington Commanders

Team needs: QB, OT, EDGE, CB, WR, S, LB, IOL

Selection: Jayden Daniels, QB- LSU

Who I’d Draft: Daniels

The current Heisman Trophy winner, he is a guy who is accurate, throws a great deep ball and very mobile. He is a member of the skinny delegation (shout out) and he takes as one of my favorite podcasters ColeyMick describes as “cartoonishly big hits.” He’s gonna have to protect himself but he is definitely the best qb available at this point.

3. New England Patriots 

Team needs: OT, WR, QB, CB, WR, OT, LB, DL, TE

Selection: Drake Maye, QB - UNC

Who I’d Draft: Marvin Harrison Jr.

The new era of the Patriots is among us and they are going to need someone to be the face of the team. They signed Jacoby Brissett in the offseason and he will be a great bridge QB until Maye is ready to go. I would take MHJ because he may be the best WR prospect to come out in the last few years. If you saw the OSU qb last year you would definitely get why I am so high on him. And if you don’t take him then you also run the risk of upsetting his father which is not a wise thing to do.

4. Arizona Cardinals

Team needs: WR, EDGE, DL, CB, RB, IOL, LB, EDGE, DL
Selection: Marvin Harrison Jr, WR - OSU

Who I’d Draft: Trade Down

If MHJ is there you run to the podium and take him. If he isn’t I’d move down, get more draft capital because this team needs help all over the damn place.

5. Los Angeles Chargers

Team needs: WR, CB, DL, OT, LB, WR, RB

Selection: Joe Alt, LT- Notre Dame
Who I’d Draft: Brock Bowers, TE- Georgia

Joe Alt is probably the best tackle in the draft however the line wasn’t the weakest part of the team last year. Last year’s top pick couldn’t hold on to the ball, Mike Williams is gone, Keenan Allen is gone and Austin Eckler is gone. Given that Herbert needs someone to depend on you get the best TE prospect in years there and baby you got a stew going! 

6. New York Giants

Team needs: WR, IOL, RB, LB, S, CB, QB

Selection: Malik Nabers, WR- LSU

Who I’d Draft: Olu Fashanu, LT

They’ve got so many holes to fill and their head coach is on the hot seat. If you’re gonna go with the QB you paid then I would say it’s important to protect him. Fashanu would be the best available Tackle at this point. You could also trade down and still get him.

7. Tennessee Titans

Team needs: OT, DL, EDGE, LB, IOL, WR, CB, TE
Selection: Olu Fashanu, LT - Penn St. 

Who I’d Draft: Fashanu

Last year they picked Peter Skoronski and you may as well get a bookend tackle to pair with him. If you’re going to go with Will Levis at QB then you better damn sure protect him. Simple as that.

8. Atlanta Falcons

Team needs: EDGE, CB, DL, LB, S, WR, CB
Selection: Dallas Turner, Edge- Alabama

Who I’d Draft: Turner

No need to overthink it, while it’s tempting to get one of the many wide receivers there is no shortage of Offensive talent for the Falcons. The pass rush was abysmal last year and adding the best edge rush prospect is pretty much a no brainer.

9. Chicago Bears

Team needs: QB, EDGE, DT, WR, IOL, LB, S
 Selection: Rome Odunze 

Who I’d Draft: Odunze/Trade Down for more picks

Teaming one of the best receiver prospects in years with Caleb Williams, D’Andre Swift, DJ Moore, Keenan Allen and Cole Kmet would give the Bears the chance to put up numbers not ever seen by this franchise. It is a deep draft for receivers so I wouldn’t rule out trading down and amassing more picks and still get a quality number three receiver.

10. New York Jets

Team needs: WR, TE, OT, RB, S, WR, CB

Selection: Brock Bowers, TE - Georgia 

Who I’d Draft: Taliese Fuaga, T-Oregon St.

Look if Bowers is available you take him. That said the Jets have an octogenarian at quarterback and he is coming off a torn achilles. So given all of that plus a very porous, old and sometimes injured offensive line it may be worth getting some protection to keep that anti vaxxed assclown upright.

Well there you have it, I know it won’t go this way but hey I am not a medium who can see in the future and trades are so damn wild to predict. And let’s be real, if I did try and guess those trades it would be wrong and I would get mocked much like my 2012 assessment of Damian Lillard.

So I wish you all the luck to your teams.

Unless it’s Aaron Rodgers. I wish him failure.