February Sit Your Ass Down Award

You didn't think I was gonna let February float through this bastard and not give you my unsolicited opinion on who deserves to have a seat. This Black History Month the universe was like I am going to give you a plethora of selections.

"You tell Timmy he touch me again, we gonna have problems."

And while that idiot kid from Denver who touched Russell Westbrook made a late run the eventual champion just could not be undone.

White people who use blackface and then try to deny that it's racist get your ass up here so you can sit your ass down!

What the hell is wrong with you people? Yeah that's right it I said you people. If in the year of our Lord 2019, you do not understand why it is offensive for someone to put paint or shoe polish on their face I'm not sure what I can do for you. And I swear to sweet brown baby Jesus if you mention White Chicks I will slap you with the fury of a thousand suns. White Chicks does not have am over a century long history of creating a caricature of the happy to be here slave or the 'Yes suh boss!" slave. It made fun of two white chicks.

"But how can I accurately portray someone of another race Puma?" Well I'm glad you asked moron. You just wear the damn clothes! Oh you think I'm lying?


This should be in the Smithsonian for the proper tribute no matter the race. Notice how you immediately know that it's Dennis Edwards despite the fact it is a white guy! Funny how that works huh?

Another thing that pisses me off the most is not only does it have all these racist connotations and history but no black person looks like this! Seriously!

Jay-Z and Beyonce apparently.

Seriously. In what world is this Jay-Z and Beyonce? My God I am getting worked up again. Seriously, next Black History Month just take a break from blackface and let we the black delegation celebrate in peace.

5 Songs That Will Determine If I Trust You

I am one who tends to believe that you judge people based off their actions and their heart. Not someone who quickly judges and dismisses a person based off a minor squabble or a silly disagreement. That being said there are clues that people give you that gives a great glimpse into who they are as a person. One of the truest indicators of a person's worth as a human lies in their ability to properly appreciate certain songs and how much it slaps. As a public service to you I will give you five songs that if a person denies the slapitude of them, they are clearly the feds.

*International Player's Anthem- UGK ft. Outkast 

A song that is absolutely pure perfection. This may literally be my favorite song ever. Seriously. I had this song play at my wedding. On one of the two most important days of my life I had to bless the crowd with this classic tome by the Underground Kingz with some help from Outkast. What other song advocates safe sex, has a 3 Stacks verse and exhibits undeniable slappage?

*Dey Know- Shawty Lo

As soon as you hear the horns hit you know it's time to hit the jog in place dance. Oh you don't know what dance?

Seriously this song is the perfect over the top nonsense song that is undeniable in it's catchiness. Hell he didn't even need the beat he could rock it ACAPELLO! Not to mention it teaches you the all important lesson of giving big ups to all your haters. If you do not have a reaction to this song I do not trust you. At. All.

*Stairway to Heaven- The O'Jays

If you look up "grown folk music" in the dictionary as soon as you turn the page to it you will hear the buttery smooth voice Eddie Levert. There's no hidden shadiness behind his words like the old Temptations song 'Beauty is Only Skin Deep' where he says basically you ugly but you intrigue me. Just the story of man completely lost in the sauce with one of the best hooks in R&B history and that is a verifiable fact!

*Real Big- Mannie Fresh

The one regret from my wedding day is that I did not find a way to incorporate this into the festivities somehow. I say this without a hint of sarcasm, Mannie Fresh is criminally underrated as a producer and the music he made was just fun. It wasn't a critical masterpiece but if you're playing video games, chilling with your people put on the 'Mind of Mannie Fresh' and just let the infectious drums take you away.

Also the video had some of the most hilarious imagery I have ever seen.

*Back That Azz Up- Juvenile

Without further ado I give you the song that frankly could, nay SHOULD be the national anthem of this nation. From the opening strings to the statement that single-handedly saved the world from scourge of Y2K, "Cash Money Records taking over for the 9-9 and the 2000." This was a perfect storm from Mannie Fresh on the beat, introducing many to a very young Lil' Wayne and began a very impressive run by Cash Money Records. So again if when those strings hit and you don't rise for and salute, you may elicit a this response for your boy:

"Uh did they not hear the strings?"

Well there you have it. Just a few pointers to clean your world up in 2019, I did the work so you won't have to. You know I really spoil you all.

Elimination Chamber 2019 Preview

We are firmly on the road to Wrestlemania and this little speed bump here should get us a clearer idea of what matches we can expect to see. I of course have a ton of fantasy booking that I would do which would be amazing but they will probably go another route because my mind is just too awesome. Without further ado I give you my predictions.

Baron Corbin VS Braun Strowman
This match is just odd to me. Strowman goes from being the next man to take on Lesnar to dropped and now in a feud with Baron Corbin for...reasons?

Corbin was great in my opinion as Constable of Raw but where are they going with him now? He was amazing on the mic and is just such a natural heater so I think he can be an awesome heel going forward but he has got to get out the Chili's waiter gear.
Winner: Strowman

Finn Balor VS Bobby Lashley and Lio Rush (Intercontinental Championship)
They were in a weird spot with Lashley but kind of righted the ship by pairing him with the obnoxious Lio Rush. This guy is gold. Not only is he an awesome wrestler, he has got that smart ass mouth that makes you want to choke him like managers of yore.

Give us Balor Club you cowards

Balor is coming off a great performance against Brock Lesnar, and is building quite a but of momentum. Given the odds are stacked so against him I think the time is here and Balor will overcome and get his first piece of main roster gold.
Winner: Finn Balor

The Usos VS The Miz and Shane McMahon (Smackdown Tag Team Championship)
The story told with the Miz and Shane McMahon has been a good one. Two guys doing all they can for their father's approval and achieving something no one expected.

A preview of things to come?

But...let's be real. There is no way this team should even in kayfabe, be able to defeat the Usos who are possibly the best tag team in the world. I would think the Usos win but this sets up a heel turn by Shane, then at Wrestlemania you have a babyface Miz going against a Heel Shane McMahon.
Winner: The Usos

Ruby Riott VS Ronda Rousey (Raw Women's Championship)
Now this match is not really in question. Ronda Rousey is going to win. That being said I think that this becomes a showcase for the world to see how good Ruby Riott is.

And possibly set up a trade of her to Smackdown to be a credible heel to go against Asuka. Also don't let Ronda talk. Please.

Nia Jaxx and Tamina VS The Riott Squadd VS Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville VS The IIconics VS Naomi and Carmella VS Sasha Banks and Bayley (Women's Tag Team Championship)
Finally at long last we get what wrestlers and fans alike have been asking for. They have done a great job building the teams up particularly Jaxx and Tamina as the powerhouse duo, Sasha and Bayley as the underdog faces, and of course the Riott Squad as the unpredictable team.

Peyton Royce Hive Assemble!

It comes down to two teams for me, Sasha and Bayley and of course, the IIconics. I believe given the booking the past few weeks, Sasha and Bayley are gonna shine

Kofi Kingston VS Randy Orton VS Samoa Joe VS AJ Styles VS Jeff Hardy VS Daniel Bryan (WWE Championship)
The blue brand has done a pretty good job of setting this up to the point I don't really know who is going to come out of this as champ. I think you can say Samoa Joe and Jeff Hardy are least likely to pick up the title. I think the real dark horse in this has got to be Kofi Kingston. For years he has been the dependable hand, never hurt, never in trouble and the consummate professional.

Give it up for the Mega Dad of the Year! 

While Kofi probably won't win it, it would be the most interesting. Imagine going into Wrestlemania with Daniel Bryan the eco warrior going against the leader of the most consumption based group in WWE history. Alas a man a can dream. It will probably be Bryan so we can run it back with AJ Styles but screw it, I'm calling an upset!
Winner: Kofi Kingston

Well there we have it, another pay per view in the books and another attempt at prognosticating by your boy. Enjoy the predictions of a legend in his own mind that you didn't request and didn't know you needed.