October's Sit Your Ass Down Award

Going into an election month I figured there would be just a few candidates for your boy to go through and consider and boy was I right! The person who gets this month's award has been a longtime champion of idiotic opinions and racist trains of thoughts. Frankly I'm shocked that this long time advocate for dumb ass thoughts hasn't been featured here before but you know what, I believe in giving people roses while they can still enjoy them. So Megyn Kelly, get your unemployed ass up here so you can sit your ass down!

In what has become an annual tradition, the topic of white people in blackface came up as whether or not it's appropriate for white people to use black face paint as a part of a costume. What one should say in that moment is "of course it's inappropriate, now let's go to Al for a look at the weather." That is not what sweet Megyn did. She wondered aloud "but what is racist?" At this point a producer should have been looking at her thusly:

She then continued to dig her hole deeper. "Because you do get in trouble if you are a white person who puts on blackface on Halloween, or a black person who puts on whiteface for Halloween. Back when I was a kid that was OK, as long as you were dressing up as, like, a character."

And scene. 

While this may seem like more of a stupidity thing, this was just the cherry on the trash ass sundae she has been. For instance there was her meltdown about how Jesus and Santa Claus is not black. “And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white."

She followed up with  “Jesus was a white man, too… He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa. I just want the kids watching to know that.”  And of course who could forget her proclamation that a McKinney, Texas teenager was "no saint either." A teen who wearing nothing but a swimsuit and was tackled by and pinned to the ground by an overzealous suburban commando.

Look at this clown.

So while I don't think it was the blackface comments that got her fired, more so her god awful ratings I won't shed any tears that this charisma deficient newsroom Barbie won't be on our tv every morning. So Megyn, I tip my cap to you for somehow getting paid more every time you get fired but...

The Chocolate Puma's Guide to the 2018 NBA Season

The NBA season is just a few days away and there are few people as excited as this guy. And if we're being real the NBA offseason was more entertaining than summer baseball and has offered more intrigue than anything the NFL has put forward in quite a while. With that said here's your predictions that you all clamored for!

Most Surprising Solid NBA Player:
Spencer Dinwiddie- SG : Brooklyn Nets
Now Dinwiddie was solid last season but let's be honest who was watching the Nets play last season?

Be real with me. Last season he averaged 12.6 points, 6.6 assists and given that I expect D'Angelo Russell to start this season at point guard I wouldn't be shocked if he was the Sixth Man and was able to get some pretty impressive scoring against the second unit of their opponents. That said,  if he has a great season I wouldn't know because let's be real, no one is really gonna be watching the Nets.

Most Surprising Team: 
Minnesota Timberwolves
Usually most surprising indicates a positive uptick. Not so much this time. No team has had a downward spiral since last season like these guys. Aside from the let's just call them troubling moves made by Thibs, who I was in hindsight giving a ton of credit I shouldn't have. Let's go through some of his moves recently shall we?

Taj Gibson: Solid player, good contract.
Derrick Rose: Wait...what you doing?
Luol Deng: THIBS NO!!!!
And with last week's just dumpster fire of Jimmy Buckets going scorched earth on EVERYONE there is no way this team can avoid the lottery.

Most Ready to become a Head Coach:
Rajon Rondo- PG: LA Lakers
I think that he has had one of the most interesting careers in recent history. I mean he came into the league with the basketball IQ and bravado of a grizzled old vet without any right to do so.

The patience of a saint.

Now that he actually is a grizzled vet and has played with some of the biggest and in a few case more difficult stars so there is no doubt that he cold delicately handle the balance of egos needed by coaches these days.

Rookie of the Year:
Luka Doncic- G: Dallas Mavericks
I'm usually very careful in my projections of foreign players simply because they are leaving their home country and learning a completely new style of basketball. Luka Doncic is not most Euro players.

This guy was signed at 13 years old and was playing against grown men at 16 years old. A supremely talented scorer, amazing passer and with his size he's a great rebounding guard. Team him with the high flying Dennis Smith Jr. and I think the Mavericks may have just stumbled onto something.

Defensive Player of the Year:
Anthony Davis- PF: New Orleans Pelicans
There is literally nothing Anthony Davis can't do on a basketball court. I say this as someone who saw him as a 82 lb freshman at Kentucky block away the hopes of a victory by my Tarheels.

Jerk.

I honestly think he may be the player not named LeBron I would start a team with right this moment. That said he is gonna win every major individual award barring injury and there isn't a thing any of us can do about. This season he makes way for his Defensive Player of the Year trophy.

Coach of the Year:
Brad Stevens- Boston Celtics
This is basically going to be a make up from last year and arguably 2 years ago as well. In terms of straught up x's and o's there may not be a better strategist than Stevens.

He looks 12.

Give him a full roster of Jaylen Brown, Jayson Taytum, a healthy Kyrie and Gordon Hayward not to mention dependable hands like Terry Rozier, Marcus Smart, Al Horford, and Marcus Morris this  is gonna be the year we see someone other than the Cavs play the Warriors in the Finals.

Most Valuable Player:
Giannis Antetokunmpo- SF: Milwaukee Bucks
Every year you can make the case for LeBron James so now that this is out the way I think this is the season that the next generation of superstars to put their mark on the league. Leading the way is going to be the Greek Freak.

Jiminy Christmas.

He's surrounded by a solid if not unspectacular back up crew, has improved immensely each year and has begun to improve his 3 point shooting in an effort to become a full blown Monstar. Now that LeBron is no longer in the East I think this is gonna be his time to truly shine and get the attention he would need coming from a small market to get the media attention for the award.

Well folks there you have it, my predictions for the upcoming season. Make sure to screenshot the really wrong ones like some of my friend's and be sure to text it to me every time the season starts. I'm never gonna live down thinking Dame Lillard was gonna be a bust.

September's Sit Your Ass Down Award

Ah yes it is that time once again, where your boy sits down and with nothing but pettiness and and a childlike immaturity I tell you who I feel should have a seat and baby this month like the preceding months have given me more than a few candidates but we're gonna have to give this award to someone who who has been honored here before. 

Bill Cosby...bring your blind ass up here, don't trip over the Kodak film and sit your ass down!

Yeah I know I've written about Ol' Uncle Pudding Pop before but since he was officially sentenced to 3 to 10 years in prison I feel like I can formally celebrate my ass off. Yes that's right, I am celebrating the downfall, which was self inflicted of a comedy legend. If you wanna say I'm in the sunken place or I'm a deranged black person I'll be that because screw Bill Cosby.  For years while he was doing many great philanthropic deeds, he was also doing plenty of shitastic things to balance out the good with some evil. 

Let's see, for starters he was accused by 60 women of sexual assault or sexual misconduct. 60. Now if I'm to believe some of the conspiracy theorists, "they" got 60 women to agree to slander him falsely because of a failed bid to buy a TV channel that wasn't for sale and he would only see jail time on one of those charges years after said bid and he was allowed to have a full ass career and make millions more in the process. That may be the dumbest plan I have ever heard of in my entire life. In fact here is a re-enactment of the man formulating this plan.

"See what we will do is give him a movie and stand up career."
"Yes? Then we bring him down?"
"No. then we give him an influential tv show and prop him up as a paragon of moral virtues!"
"Then we bring him down!"
"Not quite. Then we wait until he has fallen from the public eye and known more for his ridiculous sweaters."
"Then we bring him down?"
"Exactly"
"It's the perfect plan."

Another classic has been the what about Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, etc... Well to that I say, fuck them too. They should also be in jail. What? You think I'm gonna say Ol' Billy here should be free because some white guy was fucked up too? Nah son. There are examples of racial injustice, this ain't it.

So as he gets marched down to his cell, I invite Bill to have a piece of pound cake, pull his pants up and to watch his mouth as he takes his shackled ass to his seat and frankly the world is better for it. And since you came all this way Billy, allow me to leave you with a parting gift.