You know I had someone in mind for this month. I had even typed out a pretty scathing and sophomoric take down as well. Then someone sent me the news that Stacey Dash was running for congress and I had to completely delete everything I had written. DAMN YOU ZIGGY! So without further ado, I would like to ask the clueless star to bring her ass up here before it all falls down and have a damn seat!
Oh boy where do I even begin with this one. It seems that ever since Kanye put her ass on a plane she has lost her ever loving mind.
That's right this woman will say anything if it (A) gets her attention and (B) shits all over black people. By running for congress in a district that has Compton and Watts she gets to do both at the same damn time! Here are some of her greatest hits!
*Claims there should be no Black Entertainment Television because imagine the uproar if there was a White Entertainment Television. Conveniently forgetting that W.E.T. does exist, it's called CBS. She also seems to have forgotten that she received a check for starring in this little movie which aired on....drum roll please...BET!
*Said there was no such thing as a gender pay inequality and ladies should "be a better negotiator."
*There shouldn't be a Black History Month because we're all Americans. Conveniently leaving out this tidbit:
February
African
American History Month
March
National
National Women’s History Month, Irish-American Heritage Month
May
Asian Pacific American Heritage, Older Americans Month and Jewish American Heritage Month
June
Gay Lesbian Pride Month
September
National Hispanic-Latino Heritage Month (Sept. 15-Oct. 15)
October
National Disability Employment Awareness Month and National Italian American Heritage Month
November
National American Indian Heritage Month
You know how I found all that out? GOOGLE! Took me literally 22 seconds. So Ms. Dash, I wish you all the best, and by best I mean I hope whoever runs against you roasts you with the fire of 100 Young Dolph mix tapes. And as the old adage goes:
Ah yes, here we are another pay per view thus the fives of readers who like professional wrestling will get what they crave...A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT WWE PAY PER VIEW! You're all welcome, I spoil you all.
Woke Matt Hardy VS Bray Wyatt
Now this is a feud that should be blowing us all awaywith the creativity. However through some well, odd choices in booking, it just feels meh. Fromhaving a match that came out of nowhere with no build on Raw 25 to most of their feud being based around weird laughing and closeups of said laughing. It would be weird to have this feud end on Elimination Chamber. I say this will go on until Wrestlemania at the least. No matter how hard we yawn.
Winner: Matt Hardy
Nia Jax VS Asuka
This one is hard to figure out. I think that Asuka will win as they have done such a great job of protecting her undefeated streak. But somehow Nia Jax will definitely be made to look extremely strong. If I had to take a guess we will see Asuka win either by submission or some fluke such as a count out as to keep the streak alive but also maintain that aura of power that Nia Jax has. Also Asuka has not stated who she is facing at Wrestlemania, I think we're heading to an Asuka vs Charlotte feud.
Winner: Asuka
Sonya DeVille VS Mandy Rose VS Sasha Banks VS Bayley VS Mickie James VS Alexa Bliss (WWE Women's Champion) I am weirdly excited about this match, mainly because if it happens the way I think it will it could lead to an amazing Wrestlemania match. This is gonna have a lot of moving parts but in the end I think that DeVille and Mandy Rose will be made to look competent, Alexa Bliss will continue her slow descent into a possible face turn or at least a role as a tweener. Mickie James will be the wily veteran. But this is gonna be all about Bayley and Sasha Banks.
I think that we will see a heel turn but it won't be the Boss turning on Bayley, I think the Hugger embraces the dark side and blind sides the Boss after she wins the title. Leading to the two feuding and giving Bayley a refresh that she so desperately needs. Winner: Sasha Banks
Braun Strowman VS Elias VS The Miz VS Finn Balor VS John Cena VS Seth Rollins VS Roman Reigns (#1 Contender for Universal Title)
This one unfortunately is not as fun to try and predict. We have been marching towards this for quite a while so...sigh...let's just do it. I think we'll see The Miz continue his reign as one of the unsung heroes of Raw and get himself over with the crowd and possibly set up his Wrestlemania feud with Finn Balor I would guess. Elias is super over but nowhere near ready for a main event spot.
The People's Champ.
If they were smart this would be the Braun Strowman show but it appears that they will hold off on what the people want and this is gonna come down to the former brothers in the Shield, Seth Rollins and Reigns. Now if I was booking this, if Roman has to win you have him turn on Rollins with the help of oh I don't know THE AUTHORS OF PAIN. Boom, you got heel Roman, a new top tier heel tag team, and Roman's first post Wrestlemania feud all rolled up nicely. God I hope it happens like this.
What a jackass.
Winner: Roman Reigns
Well there we have it, another pay per view in the books. I think the women will steal the show here and the men well, hopefully they try.
Ah yes we have reached the All Star break of the best league going. And while my predictions for how the season would play out have taken quite a hit, I can assure that this little hiccup is not going to stop me from taking off my prognosticating hat and giving you the opinion that you didn't ask for. You know why? Because I'm a magnanimous bastard, that's why.
Rookie of the Year:
Ooooh boy was this a tough one. This year's rookie class has been a pleasant surprise And even given the above average play as a whole of this class, we're really only talking about two people who could possibly win this award. Ben Simmons who is averaging 16.5 ppg, 7.5 reb and 7.5 assists per night and Donovan Mitchell who is averaging 19.6 ppg, 3.5 rpg, and 3.5 apg. Now while I love Mitchell's game, and also anyone with the nickname "Spider" I think given his play making and defensive acumen I have to give the award to Ben Simmons.
He's 6'10. He shouldn't be doing this.
Winner: Ben Simmons
Defensive Player of the Year:
Usually this one is one of the harder ones for me to award. Do you go with the one that puts up the best defensive stats or do you go with someone who leads in one of the top defensive metrics. Well before his injury the leader in both would have been quite ease as Rudy Gobert was running away with the award. Now that he is injured the next man up for me is none other than the Process himself, Joel Embiid. Embiid has amazing footwork, can guard all 5 positions and talks shit like no one else. Long live the Process!
Winner: Joel Embiid
Most Improved Player:
No player has been helped more by a change of scenery than Victor Oladipo. Out of Russell Westbrook's shadow and the malaise that kind of floated over the entire Orlando Magic organization, Oladipo has flourished this season.
He's averaging 9 more points per game, almost a full steal more per game, and is now a top 20 player in terms of his player efficiency rating. With Oladipo leading the way the Pacers have a chance to build quite the respectable team that will get swept by Golden State or Houston for years to come.
Sixth Man of the Year:
This one was the easiest of all the awards to pick. The winner is Lou Williams. He averages over 23 points and over 5 assists per game. With all the changes he has been the definition of offensive consistency. He's scored over 15 points in 27 straight games and underrated part of his game is how well he's played defensively averaging over a steal per game. Winner: Lou Williams
Coach of the Year:
A few weeks ago I would have said no doubt about it, Brad Stevens. Well given the recent struggles I have been forced to reevaluate my my stance. Now my vote is gonna go to Dwayne Casey of the Toronto Raptors. At the end of last season there were some who believed he should be fired, now he has taken basically the same squad and led them to the top spot in the Eastern conference over the much more toutedBoston Celtics. Winner: Dwayne Casey
Most Valuable Player:
Here we are, the coup de grace of all the awards. Got quite a few people who can be in the running but if we're being honest with ourselves we all know who the man is that should take home this hardware.
James Harden is averaging 31 points, 9 assists, and 5 rebounds a night. He leads the league in points, PER, plus/minus and VORP (value over replacement player for those not in the know), basically by all offensive metrics there has not been a player more vital to his team's success than Harden. Can he keep it up? I wouldn't bet against him because we know his celebration will be lit...BOOOOOY!
Well there you have you it, one amazing half down, one to go.
