I’d like to wish a happy 2016 to all
the tens of people who peruse this lovely blog. This is the first post of the
New Year and inspired by my good friend Tim I am going to take his advice and
sic my rapier wit on some unsuspecting person at least once a month. And since
he came up with the idea the first group to catch there verbal hands will be…
THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES! It’s so many of these clowns that it’s
going to be quick hateful points rapid fire style on the top two candidates
because frankly they are the most ridiculous and deserving of what’s about to
happen.
Note:
This is not a political debate. What
this is going to be is petty and immature jokes that most may not find funny
but will delight me immensely.
First up…Ted Cruz.
 |
| Seriously...look at this idiot. |
Oh Teddy…you have without a doubt
the most punchable face that I have ever encountered in my 32 years on this
earth. The fact you don’t have to make weekly trips to the emergency room due
to the sheer number of people who should be punching and or kicking your facial
region is astounding. Ted Cruz is what happens when the astoundingly mediocre
get too many compliments. I would rather adopt and raise the demon spawn of Guy
Fieri and Iggy Azalea before I would even consider shaking Ted Cruz’s hand. He
has the face that only a mother would hesitate to smother. Ted Cruz is
basically a Nickelback album if it were a real person.
Now the main event on to the main
event…Donald Trump.
 |
| The worst thing to happen to America since polio. |
This is something that has been said
by many people but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true, Donald Trump is what would
happen if the comment section on the internet was a person. Here is a man who
has said on numerous occasions how hot his daughter is…and that is still not
the worst thing about him. Trump has the personality of a cartoonish super
villain without the grip on reality. He has the physique of man whose body is
83% meatloaf. His hair is the envy of the tufts of dust under your bed that one
day dream of being in the national spotlight. Donald Trump has single handedly
ruined more minds than syphilis and CTE combined. While I do not condone
violence, never has there been a man more worthy of a groin shattering kick
than this ass clown. I would rather crawl a mile in broken glass in a lemon juice
tsunami than spend one minute with a man who’s ego can only be described as the
definition of overcompensating for something.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeew. Boy did that feel
good to get off my chest. I do believe that this is something that I will
continue. So look out people, a man who drinks whiskey and has a long running
blog with few readers could viciously attack you with words that will never get
back to you.
