Rick Reilly is an unimaginable douche.

I am gonna be blunt here. I am not a fan of Rick Reilly. I find his work after leaving Sports Illustrated to be some of the most self righteous, condescending works ever put on paper. But yesterday the piece he wrote on San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was far away one of the most ridiculous and self serving pieces I have ever read.

Trust me, I know what's best.

He begins by telling the tale of how his own daughter, close in age to Kaepernick, is also adopted. Good for him for opening his home to a child in need. That’s my last compliment in the direction of Reilly. He goes on to tell us the tale of how Kap was adopted, and how his adopted mother would send updates to the birth mother until she asked her to stop with the updates. That’s where the story should end. Instead he goes on to tell how basically he’s a weirdo for not wanting to meet his birth mother. “That's odd, since many adopted kids are crazy curious about their birth parents, and their adopted ones,” he espouses dickishly. First and foremost you are not adopted and what works for your daughter may not work for this guy.

He doesn’t stop there; he quotes a “friend” of Kaepernick who stated to Yahoo sports that Colin feels it would be treasonous to meet his birth mom. That’s fine if true, but not to Reilly. According to him, it’s not treasonous “It's healthy. It's healing. It's natural.” Who the hell are you sir to tell him what is healthy, healing, and natural for him? Again he is not your daughter. His birth mother had a chance, she told the family to stop sending her updates. She made her choice.

I think this story annoyed me to such a level because I have had self righteous ass clowns tell me what is best for me as well. Granted I was not adopted but I did not grow up knowing my father, by the time an attempt to contact me was made I was an adult. I have heard the unsolicited advice of “it will be better for you to know him.” When the fact is now at almost 30 there truly is no need to do so. For a long time there was anger there but no more. As I got older I just began to appreciate the strength of those who were there moreso. So now I don’t hate him but no emotions are there. So I imagine like me he reconciled any feelings or needs to speak to this woman a very long time ago and focused his love and attention on those who were there to care for him. Unlike Reilly I understand that this is not about his birth mother, this is about him. It’s not his job to make her feel better for her decision. So while it worked out for his daughter, again she is a completely different person.

Maybe he should stop trying and milk human interest stories out of everything and go back to claiming he broke news on twitter.

Mondays? Am I right?

In the words of one of my favorite wrestler’s, greetings and salutations all you ham sandwiches! The Chocolate Puma is here to give you what you all were secretly yearning for, the rambling and sometimes incoherent opinions of myself. Enjoy.

· Not a Celtics fan but believe that the Puma feels your pain of having an elite point guard go down with a torn acl. I will say that perhaps Doris Burke shouldn’t be breaking this kind of news to the Celtics players. Just saying.



"What'chu talkin' bout Doris Burke?"

· After hearing about Chris Brown fighting Frank Ocean over a parking spot I gotta ask what happened to the R&B singers? Back in my day you wouldn’t have Case jumping Donnell Jones over who got the last carton of milk that was on sale at the Sav-A-Lot. I guess I’m just an old man who reminisces over the good old days.

· The NCAA is run by the biggest group of clowns on the face of the planet. There I said it. First insinuating an investigation into Shabazz Muhammad because he had a Gucci bookbag. It’s not enough for them to profit into the 3 billion dollar range off the kids but now if they have some deemed “too nice” then you get investigated. Now word is that the investigation into the University of Miami was extremely flawed to say the least. The short tale is Nevin Shapiro currently in jail for a 20 year stretch due to his involvement in a Ponzi scheme (seems like a reliable guy) comes forward with all this information of impropriety in the Miami football program. How did the NCAA get information from Mr. Shapiro’s lawyer…who also happens to be employed by the NCAA. I get a little riled up at this so read this piece by Charles Pierce who does a much better job than I ever could.

· Keep doing stuff like this Lebron and I may not have such a strong dislike of you.


· Never change Marshall Henderson.

"No one on the promenade got swagger like me!".


· Alright, a little something that’s slight annoyance to me. I get people not liking someone but at least be accurate in the dislike. For instance, I see everywhere people calling Ray Lewis a murderer without doing the research into the case. Over simplifying and calling him a murderer complete disregards the fact that he testified against those with him that night, that Lewis was not the one charged with the crime, and by all accounts the prosecution bungled the case by not following the report given by the medical examiner. Not to mention there was no eye witness and no physical evidence tying him to the scene. But hey, whatever you wanna be out here spreading misinformation feel free.

Alright, the Puma is out, but not before sharing a picture of his newest niece again!

Probably thinking about how cool her uncle is.

Gun Control talk? More like the rise of the Third Reich am I right?

“I think Martin Luther King, Jr. would agree with me if he was alive today that if African Americans had been given the right to bear and keep arms from day one of our country’s founding perhaps slavery wouldn’t be a part of our history.”

These absolutely idiotic and moronic words were uttered by Larry Ward, an obviously “smart” man who has begun gun appreciation day because the government is coming to take all our guns. First you’re going to infer that one of the most famous victims of gun violence to say that slavery never would have existed if the chained people of Africa who were forcefully brought to another country against their will were given guns. Whatever drugs you’re on I would like some please because it causes really vivid hallucinations that make you forget history.

I’ve gotten off my original point, obviously if you legally have guns people are not going to pull up outside your house, kick the doors in, and pry the guns from your hands.

The government taking away your guns. Yoink!

But given gun violence in this country is it so bad to have a discussion on the subject? Are guns so sacred that they can’t even be possibly, maybe, perhaps talked about? I have seen numerous postings about “Chicago has gun laws and it’s still violent,” well you’re right. So maybe a damn discussion is warranted, see if there is an alternative solution that hasn’t been discussed. Yes, I know it’s crazy, getting people with differing points of views together to get their opinions out and maybe come to a compromise that best benefits the people of a society but hey my grandma always said I was a dreamer.

So remember, while your hero the Chocolate Puma doesn’t have the answer not doing anything at all or discussing the problem is not a suitable answer. That’s all I got, here's something ridiculous for your troubles.

Hall of Fame Rant 2013

Every year around this time baseball fans are subjected to some of the most self righteous, pompous ass clowns on the face of the planet. I refer of course to the Baseball Writers of America. Today is when the Baseball Hall of Fame should announce who will be enshrined into the 2013 class. Unfortunately looks like they have decided to play morality police and say no one is worthy of joining the hall. Now let the Puma tell you why that’s stupid as all hell.

Now let me get this out the way, not all the baseball writers are ass clowns, but there are enough to warrant a rant from your favorite Puma of Chocolaty descent. I have seen so many articles of people entrusted with a vote that are sending in blank ballots due to a purveying culture of steroids. “No one was clean,” “The game was cheated,” and other phrases are sprinkled all throughout these articles as if this game was clean to begin with. Now I am not advocating cheating or using steroids but because you wanted to catch them, were unable to catch them doesn’t mean you have to have the false sense of moral superiority. If you’re one of these writers living in a fantasy world where you go out back and toss the ball with dad till mom brings you a nice cold glass of lemonade, don’t vote. This game isn’t for you and never has been.

We treat players like Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and others as these mountains of men who were the colossus of their day when Babe Ruth while very good was an alcoholic playing in a segregated league. Ty Cobb was a noted racist who on numerous occasions attempted to hurt his opponents.

Oh yeah, this guy is much more worthy of enshrinement.

Gaylord Perry won over 300 games with a pitch deemed illegal, one of the most famous plays if not the most famous play in baseball history “The Shot heard round the world,” happened because the Giants stole signs and knew what the pitch was going to be. How are these moments in baseball history revered but the “Steroid era” everyone is automatically guilty and unbecoming of the game?

"I used an illegal pitch from the 1920s to go all the way to the Hall!"

Throw out the big names in this class most associated with steroids (Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro) and you mean to tell me no one is worthy of enshrinement? Really? Well since we being all historical and what not, how about those guys that have hit those magical numbers we all associate with making you a hall of famer.

· Craig Biggio: 3,060 hits, 7 time All Star, 4 time gold glove winner, 5 time silver slugger winner

He was also hit 285 times, throw him a bone.

· Lee Smith: 478 saves, 3 time Relief Man of the Year, 71 wins, 3.03 era  

                                  
· Fred McGriff: 2,490 hits, 493 home runs, 1550 runs batted in, 5 time all star, 3 time silver slugger winner                                        

Tom Emanski approved!

· Edgar Martinez: .312 batting average, 309 home runs, 7 time all star, 5 time silver slugger winner, 2 batting tittles

There you go BBWA I just did your job for you.And if none of these choices are your cup of tea, don't send in a blank ballot. The voting is based on ballots submitted and don't screw over some of the veterans whom this could be their final chance.

If you want a much better rant than mine I implore you to check out this piece from Grantland by Bill Simmons

Rant. Over.

The RGIII-Andrew Luck-Russell Wilson Conundrum

Allow me to start this off by saying I personally like all three of these guys. RGIII is a refreshing kid, very professional and the master of the Pistol offense pretty quickly. Andrew Luck is as poised as a vet and looks to be all he was advertised to be coming into this draft. Granted I cursed Russell Wilson’s name a bit after what he did to my Bears but I have since moved on. But when it comes to the topic of Rookie of the Year there seems to be this idea that favorite of the Chocolate Puma (check the Puma archives, I started the RGIII band wagon 2^nd week of his final college season) has been getting a lot of hate as to whether or not he should be the winner, but that’s why the Chocolate Puma is here, to help baby.

Alrighty, let’s start with the clubhouse leader coming into the season Andrew Luck.

4,374 passing yards, 76.5 QB Rating, 28 Total Touchdowns

Replacing the legend Peyton Manning the kid had the most pressure on him at the start of the season. He performed admirably and as the season progressed as expected he went and he won games and propelled that team to a playoff run.  He was often portrayed as cerebral moreso that Wilson and Griffin but if you saw him play at Stanford he played more like Cam Newton than Wilson or Griffin ever did. But I digress while he played very well this year he still turned the ball over…a lot… 27 times to be exact. Griffin III and Wilson turned the ball over 21 times…combined.

Now the guy in second place for me is Russell Wilson.  

3,118 passing yards, 100 QB Rating, 26 Passing TDs

Boy this guy came out of nowhere but let’s not over play the underdog story too much. He was not a first round pick but was still a day one pick. At worst he came in the season as the backup and played himself into the starting role. Also of the three he came into more of a position to win immediately. Solid defense, running game, and special teams are all luxuries the Luck and RGIII did not have at the start of the season. That said he showed remarkable poise and as he showed against my Bears more than capable of using his unorthodox skills to beat teams in the final minutes of games. 

And my rookie of the year has to be Robert Griffin III. 

3,200 passing yards, 102.4 QB Rating, 20 Passing TDs

He came into the nation’s capital and the starting running back coming into the season was Packers cast off Ryan Grant. His top receiver was set to be Pierre Garcon. Not to mention the Shannahans have not inspired the most faith in their play calling abilities and from day one he has performed at a high level. He more passing yards than Wilson and had a better passer rating, completion percentage, higher yards per pass, and better touchdown to interception ratio. Not to mention the rushing aspect he brings to the table. He ran for more yard than Luck and Wilson COMBINED.

 

The award is an individual regular season award, but even if it also factored in team performance, he is the only one of the three to be on division winner. 

So congrats RG III and get healthy, the Puma plans many more years of fawning over you in the blogosphere.