I’d like to wish a happy 2016 to all the tens of people who peruse this lovely blog. This is the first post of the New Year and inspired by my good friend Tim I am going to take his advice and sic my rapier wit on some unsuspecting person at least once a month. And since he came up with the idea the first group to catch there verbal hands will be… THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES! It’s so many of these clowns that it’s going to be quick hateful points rapid fire style on the top two candidates because frankly they are the most ridiculous and deserving of what’s about to happen.
This is not a political debate. What this is going to be is petty and immature jokes that most may not find funny but will delight me immensely.
First up…Ted Cruz.
|Seriously...look at this idiot.|
Oh Teddy…you have without a doubt the most punchable face that I have ever encountered in my 32 years on this earth. The fact you don’t have to make weekly trips to the emergency room due to the sheer number of people who should be punching and or kicking your facial region is astounding. Ted Cruz is what happens when the astoundingly mediocre get too many compliments. I would rather adopt and raise the demon spawn of Guy Fieri and Iggy Azalea before I would even consider shaking Ted Cruz’s hand. He has the face that only a mother would hesitate to smother. Ted Cruz is basically a Nickelback album if it were a real person.
Now the main event on to the main event…Donald Trump.
|The worst thing to happen to America since polio.|
This is something that has been said by many people but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true, Donald Trump is what would happen if the comment section on the internet was a person. Here is a man who has said on numerous occasions how hot his daughter is…and that is still not the worst thing about him. Trump has the personality of a cartoonish super villain without the grip on reality. He has the physique of man whose body is 83% meatloaf. His hair is the envy of the tufts of dust under your bed that one day dream of being in the national spotlight. Donald Trump has single handedly ruined more minds than syphilis and CTE combined. While I do not condone violence, never has there been a man more worthy of a groin shattering kick than this ass clown. I would rather crawl a mile in broken glass in a lemon juice tsunami than spend one minute with a man who’s ego can only be described as the definition of overcompensating for something.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeew. Boy did that feel good to get off my chest. I do believe that this is something that I will continue. So look out people, a man who drinks whiskey and has a long running blog with few readers could viciously attack you with words that will never get back to you.