Thursday, June 26, 2014

2014 Chocolate Puma Mock NBA Draft featuring Jesse Starr and Matt Ramsden

Few things make me happier than the NBA draft. Bacon, scotch, my lady (boom, romance bitches) in no particular order may be the only things on earth that make me happier. As a special welcome back I present to you the The Chocolate Puma 2014 Mock NBA Draft with special guest appearances from Matt Ramsden and Jesse Starr. Below is the results of that mock draft.

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the 2014 Chocolate Puma Mock NBA Draft. Jesse, you sir are on the clock.

Jesse: The 1st pick in the draft.  It's a day that I've always dreamed of.  Tough spot for the Cavs here, but really, lets not show them any sympathy.  They have to go for the almost sure thing here.
Andrew Wiggins - Kansas
Brian Thompson, you are on the clock with the second pick.  God Bless Mallory Edens and the Milwaukee Bucks

Puma: Wow, way to pick outside the box there Starr, with the second pick I will take:
Jabari Parker- Duke
Matt: With the 3rd pick, we choose a big man with back and foot issues. 

Joel Embiiiiiiiiiiid

Jesse: Gosh guys, no surprises so far.  Any chance Noel and Embiid play together ever?
Orlando Magic on the clock, another team that isn't in the playoff conversation yet, and need to keep drafting the best player available.
Dante Exum - Australia
An Oladipo/Exum backcourt just sounds fun.  Also, props to their GM Rob Hennigan, who is also around our same age, but get to draft for real.
Back to you Brian.  5 pick - Utah Jazz
Brian:  The Utah Jazz select.........
Noah Vonleh, PF, Indiana
Matt:  Had this one queued up. 
Boston Celtics select: Aaron Gordon, University of Arizona. 
Top 6 in the draft is pretty easy. Think it gets more surprising after this, and then again moreso after the lottery.

Jesse: Los Angeles Lakers select, Julius Randle - Kentucky 

Brian: Because the Tyreke Evans experiment worked so well...The Sacramento Kings select: Marcus Smart- Oklahoma St.

Matt: Because I'm white I guess the Charlotte Hornets select Nik Stauskas at 9.

Jesse:  Michael Jordan loves white people. 76ers drafting here.  I'm making this pick knowing Matt will be wrong about their first pick selecting Embiid.
Dario Saric

Brian: Let the dominant reign of white guys continue. The Denver Nuggets select Doug "Dougie McBuckets" McDermott.

Matt:  By the way,  pretty pumped to have super competitive Smart yelling at Boogie a bunch now. He can be an extension of me on the court. 

With the 12th pick, in the 2014 NBA Draft, the Orlando magic select, Elfrid Payton

Jesse:  Hey David Kahn, how many point guards the magic need? Speaking of Kahn, T-wolves are up next.
Adrien Payne - MSU
Replaces the soon to be departed Kevin Love.

Brian: Well if you loved the Morris twins get ready for the older ACC equivalent:
TJ Warren- NC State
Matt:  With Oladipo, Exum, and Peyton they have exactly 1 pg for sure: Peyton
And now the Atlanta Hawks get to take my second favorite player in the draft, since they're always rumored to be looking to move Teague... The Hawks select Tyler Ennis

Jesse:  The Bulls!  Tough pick here, cause we don't know whether they will trade up, or use these picks for Love/Melo.
 I'm going with best player available, and I think this is a steal if he falls here.
Zach LeVine - UCLA

Brian: Not a bad pick there, although I think this pick is better. 
Keep your green and white buddy the Celtics select Gary Harris

Matt:  Yeah I can't believe Harris fell that far, Phoenix Suns select: James Young.

Jesse: I saw Gary Harris play this year, wasn't impressed.  (BThomp here is your chance to screen grab that and thrown in my face, Lillard style).
Bulls pick again!  This is great. 
Rodney Hood - Duke
I really kind of want Hood to be a Bull.
Brian:  Jesse chose Saric already, I'll change Toronto's pick to Jerami Grant from Syracuse.

Matt: Jarnell Stokes, he'll grab some of KD's misses.

Jesse: Memphis pick here at #22.  Marc Gasol is set for free agency next year.  My pick:
Jusuf Nurkic

Brian: The Michael Jordan slot gents, I am thinking there is a brother going out west:
PJ Hairston, SG
Matt: The actual Michael Jordan slot: Big man Walter Tavares.
I'm making this pick just so the Heat don't get him.  Jeremy Lin could be gone. 
Shabazz Napier- UConn
Sidenote: I really think Melo goes to the Rockets.  A lineup of Shabazz, Harden, Melo, Parsons, and Dwight is pretty scary.
Brian: I don't think LeBron goes anywhere actually. As for Miami they will be selecting the athletic wing....Glenn Robinson III- SF- Michigan

Matt: I'll take Florida boy Project Pat. Patric Young

Jesse: Kyle Anderson -UCLA to the clippers  

Brian: Russdiculous Russ Smith to the Thunder.

And looks like Matt forgot to make the final pick so I'll do it for him:
Final Pick
San Antonio: Mitch McGary.

There we have it folks. The insane ramblings of three basketball addicts who dream of mock drafts and NBA combine footage. Let's see how poorly we do shall we?