Friday, December 30, 2011

2011...We Had A Good Run

Oh boy I guess it’s come to this, the obligatory end of the year rundown and farewell to the departing year. I had to say top to bottom 2011 was a pretty good year. I got make new friends, see the Bulls return the NBA elite; hell even picked me up a lady friend. Looking back on the year I can say it was a pretty good year.

With the good also comes the bad however. The year got off to a really rough start for the Puma. A good friend of mine whom I had known since I was 14 passed away due to pneumonia. If this wasn’t bad enough my beloved aunt PJ passed away after a battle with cancer that lasted well over a decade. Through all this sadness I looked back over their lives and just remembered their zest for life and how much fun both of these important people were. As cliché as it sounds, remembering the good times got me through one of the worst stretches that I have ever gone through.
But enough of the sadness, time to get what all of you came here for, another best of 2011 list!

Best Movie: The Muppet Movie
Rizzo didn't get enough air time damn it!
Will it be on critic’s top ten lists? Probably not. But this movie took me back to my childhood and my borderline obsessive love of these creations of Jim Henson.

Best Album: Undun by The Roots

I was tempted to give this to Kanye West and Jay-Z for Watch the Throne but then ?uestlove and the legendary roots crew did it again. You have to listen to this album.

Athlete of the Year: Kevin Durant
First he leads the NBA in scoring, second he led the most exciting team of last season on a deep playoff run and to top it all off he is responsible for my favorite basketball commercial in years. Well done Durantula.

Crush of the year: Chrissy Teigen

Be still my beating heart
Now she is engaged to John Legend but it was her hilarious twitter feed and obvious stunning looks that drew me to her. You did good Johnny boy, you did good.

Well gang this has been some of my favorite people and things of the year 2011. What will 2012 bring? Who knows. I can only guarantee that somewhere an obscure third string running back is gearing up for his run at a Kardashian Wedding Special. Happy new year everybody!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Birthday Memories...

Photo from my 28th birthday party

With my hectic work schedule blog posts has been few and far between for the Puma. Since I last graced you all with my written presence a few good things have happened. The Chicago Bulls returned, the Bears season has all but ended, and most importantly to you all I turned 28. As I sat back and celebrated my 28 years on this earth with my friends this weekend I couldn’t help but think of past birthdays celebrated and how classy they were. Today my friends I tell you the legendary tale of my 27th birthday.

Now because my job has so much business during the holiday season if my birthday falls during the week I celebrate on the weekend. Last year was no different. After working for a few hours that Saturday I went home, napped, ate a quick meal and it was off to a low key evening at some of the classier establishments in all of Wrigleyville. After grabbing a few beers the evening shifted to Mad River, a spot where to be fair 95% percent of all my evenings on the town end up. This visit however would not be like any other visit I had ever experienced.

It all started as many nights do, a few drinks, a few boisterous claims of my own dominance in the realm of whatever topic I was ranting on and even cutting a little rug out there to some of the time’s most popular music. Upon chatting with a friend the decision to imbibe some of the devil’s nectar politely known as Jameson was made. As we navigated through the beer soaked dance floor we were graced with the presence of a demure and shy flower who sashayed saucily towards us. She slurred those words every guy wants to hear. “Wanna buy me a drank?!?!?!” Struck by her brazenness I offered to grab the aforementioned whiskey for my pal and I but get her free water. As I passed her a young gentleman yelled something at me.

I looked back incredulously. Who would have a problem with getting a drunk girl water? Well that would be a young man in a wheelchair. He rolls up to me and yells “oh you’re a rapist!” Thinking I had heard something wrong as we were in a loud setting I lower my eye level and lean in to hear what he said. He yells the same thing. Accusing me of trying to take advantage of the drunken girl who accosted me and my friend for booze? I could have taken the high road. I could have.

Because I am a class act I politely told him a few things he could do outside of getting in my business and proceeded to walk away. This guy rolls after the Puma! I attempted to avoid him but this mobile fucker had to have the final say. Finally it happens, the Puma snapped! I get down on one knee and am face to face with this bastard. We proceed to go back and forth until I am pulled away by one of my more level headed friend and he said the phrase that now that I look back and can see it was the brightest thing said that night. “If a black guy kicks a white guy in a wheelchair in the chest, you will go to jail.” I immediately calmed down enough to not continue the disagreement with the combative handicapable douche. We left the bar, we bought pizza and the incident has since never been repeated.

So just to recap, got into a skirmish with a kid in a wheelchair, threatened to kick him in the chest and had to be physically restrained. I think getting sick off whiskey on my 28th birthday was actually the mature thing. See ma! I’m growing up.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

KD + Sam Cooke = Awesome.

The dopeness of this video can't be understated.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

2011 Chocolate Puma Awards (College Football Edition)

Ladies and gentleman the college football season has ended and it is now time for the first annual Chocolate Puma awards for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence.

Play of the year:

Nelson Rosario with the one handed grab that probably was the only good thing this whole season at UCLA.

Game of the year:

Was there a chance it was gonna be any other game? Sweet mercy.

Best RB:
Montee Ball: Wisconsin

38 touchdowns? That’ll do pig.

Best WR:
Justin Blackmon: Oklahoma St.

He played like a young Chocolate Puma this season. 113 receptions, over 1,300 receiving yards and 15 tds. Just an amazing season.

Defensive Player:

Come on dawg, you knew I was gonna say the Honey Badger. Don’t even trip.

Best QB and Player of the year:

I am combining the award because it’s the same damn person. All season I have been touting the awesomeness of RG3 and damn it if my faith hasn’t been rewarded with him winning the Heisman trophy although I think he’ll find the Chocolate Puma award for Player of the Year to be much more prestigious than the Heisman. Enjoy that $15 gift card to Home Depot that comes with my award. You’ve earned it!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Oh NBA, How I Missed You.

The tide is turning for the Puma over here. Why you may be asking, well my friend, the NBA season is fast approaching after months of being locked out by owners and I couldn’t be happier. So if you are one of those who reveled in the fact that there was no professional basketball you may want to stop reading now because the best basketball one can see is a mere 20 days from returning and I am at long last going to do my basketball super post.

Top 5 Teams heading into the season:
1.Dallas Mavericks: The defending champs always come in ranked number one so sayeth the Puma.

2.Chicago Bulls: Is this biased? You bet your sweet ass. But we don’t have all the ‘what ifs’ the Miami Heat do at this moment so I’ll put us at two. Don’t like it? Make your own list; I’m doing this for free.

3. Miami Heat: As much as I disliked these jackasses with Wade, James and Bosh they are automatically a top 5 team. Now if they can get some role players? The East may be theirs for the taking.

4.Oklahoma City Thunder: I feel this team after last year’s playoff loss will bounce back and could be the best team in the West. Durant, Westbrook, and Harden may be the best trio of young players together in the NBA.

This is a better shot than that of the team, I think the Durantula will forgive

5.Boston Celtics: The Celtics came a Rondo hyperextended elbow from pushing the Heat to 7 games in last year’s playoffs as he was doing what can politely be called reckless murdering to the defense of Mike Bibby. A healthy Rondo plus one last run of Garnett, Allen, and Pierce means we could see them late in the season.

Top 5 Contenders for the MVP:
1.LeBron James: Do I find him to be a whiner? Yup. Douche? You know it. But he is also the most talented player in the league and that is something that can’t be ignored.

2.Dwayne Wade: Flash is probably the best all around guard in the NBA. He and James may split votes so they could cancel each other out.

3.Derrick Rose: Can he get some help this season is the rallying cry this off season. No player did more for his team last year offensively than Rose and as of right now he may have to do more than he did last season as the Bulls don’t have a solid second option.

4.Kevin Durant: There is no purer scorer in the NBA than the Durantula. There I said it.

5.Carmelo Anthony: This is gonna surprise some people but I have always been a big fan of Melo. If he can play well any defense this season and the Knicks can get some steady guard play the Knicks can surprise some people.

Top 5 Rookies:
1.Kyrie Irving: Let me say I think this kid is very good but a can’t miss? Hardly. I think he can be a very good guard for the Cavs but the idea that he comes in and changes the losing ways of the Cavs is laughable.

2.Kawahi Leonard: Long athletic forward who is a monster defensively? Yeah I think Popovich and the Spurs will do just fine with this pick.

3.Kenneth Faried: Rebounding translates well to the NBA. There was no better rebounder than Faried in the NCAA the past few seasons. Simple as that.

4.Jan Vesely: Outside of a few clips on youtube I haven’t seen much of the kid. This is mostly for calling Blake Griffin the “American Jan Vesely” moments after being drafted.

5.Iman Shumpert: Big point guard with loads of unrealized potential. Speed, 42 inch vertical and the D’antoni offense could be just what the doctor ordered to become the player many thought he would be when he arrived at Georgia Tech.

Well gang that about does it for now. Free agency begins next week so expect a grading of where players sign next weekend. Which is coincidentally my birthday weekend; hey Chicago Bulls a shooting guard would be a great present. Just throwing it out there.

Herman Cain we hardly knew ye

This weekend was a particularly tough for me. The Bears lost in an embarrassing fashion, one of my many fantasy football teams didn’t perform very well and most damaging to my soul was the loss of my personal hero Herman “Herm-dawg” Cain from the GOP race to the White House. So if you’ll indulge me I will wax a little poetic on this magnificent marvel of a man.

You see what made Black Walnut so awesome was he didn’t let things like facts and having well any social tact whatsoever get in his way. He was a man on a mission. And if one of the objectives on his mission happened to be palm a few asses on the way well he wasn’t gonna let something as benign as her saying no get in the way. Crazy ladies, it would be an honor to be fondled by Black Walnut. As he said it’s not just the flavor of the week.

Little mundane details like who’s the leader of Ubecky-becky-beckystan mean nothing to a true leader like the Herm Dawg. Did it matter to him that he didn’t seem to know China already had nuclear capabilities? No, mostly because he was focused on other things…mainly helping out single moms with cash. And no he did not have sex with her, come on! He just didn’t tell his wife about her because, well you know women be tripping sometimes.

So Herman, I feel I can call you that, I will miss you on my TV everyday. Your penchant for breaking out into song like a bad Keenan Thompson character on SNL always brought a smile to my face. You being the all encompassing authority figure on who is blacker was refreshing. And what you did to pizza? Forget about it.

So Cornbread, I hope you take this time to stay awesome; we could have used you over that Harvard egghead Jihadist.

Oh well, we still have Newt I guess.